Perfect Strangers

Scene from the movie "From Beginning to End"

Are you and PJ partners?

He nodded weakly. The direct sourness of my question have clearly unsettled him. His face didn't know how to react. It showed of guilt but was trying to put up a small smile like how someone would automatically blow into a newly acquired wound even though it really does nothing to heal it or keep the pain away.

And you have a girlfriend?

He was silent. Staring into nothingness that is the roughly paved concrete on the ground. I felt my head rush with blood. PJ was right. Everything he told me was the truth. All along I thought his revelations were mere fabrications of a jealous third wheel. I was the third wheel and I never felt so stupid in my entire life.

Then why?

Why what?

Why do you still have sex with other guys? Why do you still have sex with guys if you already have a girl friend? And with PJ acting as if he's some kind of pimp?

It was supposed to be a threesome. Me, PJ, Bryan. PJ was really my contact but was caught up at work that's whay he set me up with Bryan instead. He was like a middle man. Bryan and I contacted each other through him. Later, I found out that this was how they mostly set things up. Bryan never gave his number to anyone. He said he'd try to catch up but his call center work spits him out on the wee hours of the morning. I never got to meet him. I never did want to meet him. Because when I met Bryan, I only wanted him.

Chinito. Fair. Very manly. Older. Chubby. Those are the perfect ingredients for my poison. A  poison that turns my knees into jelly. Fills my stomach with butterflies. Makes my heart pound like a blacksmith's hammer, and clouds my judgment like a drop of black ink in a vial of clear water. It was death. And it was a death that I gladly revelled in.

We had sex. Tha was the plan. He was a power bottom and wanted to be fucked hard, or so that's what PJ told me in our text conversations. And I believed him. So I did. As hard and as wild as I could. It was all animal instict, bereft of humanity.

But that wasn't my style. Cold, Heartless sex that only views the partner as a sex object and only longs for self satisfaction. I like to give warmth. Security. Sense of belongingness and satisfaction to whoever I chose to have sex with. Even for just a night. But that giving some of myself up opens my heart a little bit, exposing it to emotions that could be dangerously infectuous.

I felt guilty and offered my warm, passionate self to him. This time looking at him with eyes that sees him as a person. With those, I saw his resemblance with Hale's Champ. Only with a lot more meat. His smiles bring out two gorgeous dimples and make his eyes sparkle, definitely imitating a smile. The wild sex was replaced with long talks, passionate kissing, tight embraces and holding of hands. We took turns massaging each other's backs. Teased each other like kids. We laid in bed with my left arm on his back and his head on my chest. Our naked bodies kept each other warm against the cold of the rainy night.

I knew I was dead.

It's complicated.

How is that complicated? How is being a slutty son-of-a-bitch complicated? And there I was. Talking as if I'm not a slutty son-of-a-bitch myself.

It's just sex. He said softly. Almost a whisper, almost ashamed.

I was trying to control my emotion. Anger. Longing. Yeah. Sex. Because a girl can't fuck your ass with her vagina!

Because I am a mess, okay. Because everything in my life is fucked up. I am fucked up! He said aloud. Emotions welling up. I knew it was hard for him to admit that. His words cut himself like a blade through the wrist. I felt how it stung him. It was a good thing it's too early for people to be out that morning.

Why did you say you like me? That you'd miss me terribly? That you'd love to visit me sometime and just chat about some stuffs?

Because I did. I do. He said sincerely.

There was silence.

I laughed at myself in my thoughts. Here I am. Begging someone to explain to me his affections from a moment of a one night stand. How stupid was that? Something that starts with sex can never be something else other than something about sex. I was supposed to know that.

My eyes left the wall it has been staring at blankly and turned my head to face Bryan who was already looking at me with his sad, glassy eyes. Our eyes met. I smiled. It was a smile of someone who has been hurt but who also has been made happy. It was bittersweet. And I knew it only had one ending.

I know you do. And I know you can't. And I know I shouldn't.

We knew there and then that even if our hearts desired it, it was not meant to be. We knew that at that moment, we are destined to travel two different roads. And with that, I turned my back and walked along the path the Universe laid out before me.

If he stayed there at the alley and watched me dissappear amongst the crowd that the morning sunlight have then stirred up, I'll never know.


Let's just keep it simple
In the AM it's goodbye
The syrup's so much sweeter
When you let the butterfly

So spread your wings and go
It's better not to know
What I'm gonna miss
I'll remember your kiss

We are passing trains
We are whiplash lovers
We are burning wax,
Melting all over each other

We could be perfect strangers,
Let's spend tonight.

We could be perfect strangers,
Hello, would look in my eyes?

Everyone wants you
But nobody knows
That you're all alone inside

We could be perfect strangers.
Thank you for spending one night with me.

Perfect Stangers, INXS

100th post.

Airport Cutie: Gray Encounter

SPOTTED:

Where: NAIA Terminal 3

When: Dec. 26, 2011 3:15AM

What: I don't know if he's in for a domestic or international flight.

YUMMYGRAPHY

Small. About 5'0"- 5'5". But what he lacks in height, he more than makes up in the looks department. My camera didn't really give justice to him. He's more good looking in person.

Seems to be from the sheltered part of the community. Sports nice, quality, and branded garments with a touch of metrosexuality (carries an extra neon green shoulder bag, tight knee-long shorts and white shirt (when he's not wearing the jacket).

Now, this is me hoping we're on the same flight!

*crosses fingers*















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Taguig Cutie: Mr. Smiley

Okay. So, I am now in Manila for the holidays and that means I'm supposed to help tend our hardware store while I'm available. I never really liked it because I always get soiled. The only redeeming factor it has that makes it bearable for me is the multitude of cute astig guys that I get to see and speak (flirt) with. I got a chance to see some of my long time crushies today! Some would be customers. Palengke boys. Market-venturing Daddies (a total turn-on). Handsome passerby's and kanto boys like our scoop for the day. Our store is just in front of a mini dry market and the main road.

SPOTTED

Where: Somewhere in Taguig City

When: Dec. 23, 2011

What: Buying cigarettes

YUMMYGRAPHY

Wearing just a shirt and a boxer. Probably just came out of bed. Sexy bedroom look!

Very astig and cute.

Smiles dreamily.




















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Karmic Infidels (Part 1)

What the fuck am I doing?!

He asked himself angrily. His heart is beating fast. He can feel his blood rushing troughout his body like a flash flood determined to wash away all his rationality and self control.

They are both slouched at the corner of the bed, their backs against the wall, and just inches away from each other's skin.

Pheromones have been filling up the air for an hour now. The room's atmosphere is thick with sex and attraction that breathing it could choke his awareness the moment he succumbs to his body's need for carnal satiation.

The flirting phase of the game was clearly over. Mar moved down. His body now comfortably rests in the bed but his head is still on the wall, his hands cushioning it against the hardness. His eyes, closed. Lips, wet. Mar's turn was up.

He's waiting for my move.

He knew this wasn't supposed to happen. He always stood for what's right and what's fair. He lived by the Golden Rule. But all of it were just rational talks. He is a fraud. He never thought he could be this weak against real temptation. He underestimated it like he underestimated a lot of things in his life lately. Now he is seeing temptation for what it really is. Sly. Deceptive. Manipulative. Dangerous, and it feeds on his weakness.

Kind. Stocky. Fair. Discreet. Older. That should've been only five counts. Why did I let myself get tangled in this situation with someone that has a sixth that says "in a long distance relationship"?

Photo frome here

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Gaya ng Dati

May mahal ka ba ngayon?


Pwedeng kasama mo siya. Pwedeng mahal mo lang pero hindi naman kayo.

Ano nga ba 'yung ginagawa mo para sa taong 'yan?

What do you do everyday para hindi ka iwan?

O baka may ginagawa ka na pala, hindi man araw-araw, para mawala siya.

Nakakainis no?

Sometimes when we finally find that person na gusto nating makasama forever, yung tipong alam mong siya na, yung tipong he's the one, ang nakakapikon na part ay yung pag natagpuan mo na siya, we still do things na pwedeng maging dahilan ng pagka wala nila sa atin.

We do things to push that person away. Sinasadya man or we're just being ourselves, minsan iniisip natin, hindi ba dapat tanggap tayo kung sino tayo?

Well, that's nice. 'Yung matanggap tayo kung ano yug pagkatao natin pero sa kabilang banda, compromise is everything.

It's OK na sabihin mo sa partner mo na mahalin mo ako kung ano ako but sometimes, we must learn to adjust.

Kailangan, you make that person love you pero bigyan mo siya ng dahilan para maramdaman at gawin 'yun. Maintenance, ika nga.

Hmm.. bakit hindi mo ibalik ang dati?

Gumawa ka ng paraan na ang tanging hangarin mo lang kapag may ginawa kang effort para sa kanya ay hindi para puriin ka kundi para kiligin siya.

Do it.

And do it everyday.

Karmic Infidels (Part 2)

But it was too late to ponder about his thoughts of right or wrong. The snake of sin has already bared it's fangs and easily pierced through his armor of weak virtues. The poison spread through his veins rapidly as if his body has been longing for it for centuries. It badly wanted the short burst of ecstasy it will be experiencing after the release. It was down to it's basic level of desire. It was in control.

He shifted his body to face Mar. His face was a play of shadows and shapes in the room's dim light. His full red lips was undeniably ready for the descent of his. Down across his body, a beast wants to be let out. It spoke to him. Im yours for the taking.

He waited half a dozen seconds before he had the courage to lean towards Mar. He smelled his sweet breath briefly, and then found himself pulling back. But not entirely. That was his last remaining ounce of morality eager to put this madness to stop. But just like an animal with a slit throat, that last struggle drained his conscience of all its life.

Another dozen seconds and this time he leaned more slowly and powerfully. And when his lips touched Mar's, he left all reasons behind.

You know this will eventually come back and bite you in the ass, right?

Yes. I know. I'd expect nothing less.

No. Believe me. You wouldn't. You'll pay when you least expect it and when you can't afford it. You've set something bad in motion and it's only a matter of time until the ripples reach you.

You really are a bitch, aren't you?

Yeah, honey. That's what you all losers call me.

False Memory Syndrome

Did I make you up?

He asked the tiny picture.

Did you ever exist as the person I longed for you to be?

He put the photo back in the secret pocket, snapped his wallet shut, and closed his hand around it, then sat on the edge of his small, flat bed, his loosely clenched hands to his temples. He felt the ring on his left hand. It was their couple's ring. It puzzled him how something that symbolizes everything warm and fuzzy could suddenly become rough and cold to the touch.

He closed his eyes and commanded his memories.

One kiss that he had initiated as an expression of his affection to me rather than the other way around.

One openhanded touch that was pure affection and nothing else.

One word of praise or affection, unhinged by sarcasm.

One hug that was brought by the joy of seeing me after a long time and not because I asked for it.

One date that he planned just to let me know that he want to be out and about doing fun activities with me.

One day with the bestfriends where I don't magically become non-existent in their presence.

He was certain there had been such moments, but he could not call one to the forefront of his mind.

He lowered his hand and looked at the closed wallet he still clutched and the silver ring on his finger.

Throw the ring away. Burn the photo.

No. He couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. Not yet. But he would not keep the photo in his wallet's secret pocket, nor sleep with it under his pillow and he would not wear the ring anymore. He’d set them aside, where he wouldn’t see them by accident. He would put them with the other mementos that now shamed him.


photo frome here

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Tabula Rasa

Hindi ba nakakatawa kung pano'ng hindi natin sini-seryoso ang mga cliché na kasabihan kahit ilang daang beses na silang labas-masok sa mga tenga natin?

Kung kailan lang nararanasan ang mga ito saka lang sila tumatak sa ating mga utak. Sa mga pagkakataong iyon lang natin nakikita ang mga gintong aral sa likod ng mga paulit-ulit at nakaka-rinding mga salita.

P4,120.00

'Yan ang budget ko habang naghahanap ng trabaho dito sa Cebu. Wala pa sa kalahati ng allowance ko ng isang buwan. Para sa pagkain, renta, pamasahe at mga ekstra na gastusin. Inutang ko pa ang P2,000.00 kay Ex#4 at ang sobra ay tira-tira sa nakaraang allowance ko. Dahil sa hiya, hindi na ako humingi sa tatay ko ng pera at gusto ko ring matutong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa.

Marami din palang magandang naidudulot ang mawalan ka ng bagay na dati meron ka. Mas nabibigyan mo nang pagpapahalaga ang mga simpleng bagay na dati ay hindi mo pansin at mas marami kang pagkakataon na maging matatag.

Ngayon, laking pasasalamat ko na dahil kahit kailangan ko nang mag tipid ay sapat pa din naman ang bilang ng pag kain ko araw-araw. May pang-load pa ako at pang internet. Iniiwasan ko na nga lang na pumunta ng mga malls habang wala pa akong nahahanap sa trabaho.

Matagal ko nang sinasabi sa mga kaibigan ko tuwing ang kabuhayan ng mga pamilya namin ang nagiging paksa ng mga usapan na ayokong umasa sa kung ano mang naipundar ng magulang ko. Gusto kong bumuo ng isang bagay na masasabi kong ako mismo ang naghirap.

Ayokong maging ipokrito at sabihing hindi ako masaya na may resources nang handa kong magamit sa oras na kailangan pero hindi naman kayamanan ang usapin dito at katulad ng sa relihiyon, naniniwala kasi ako na mas maganda kung ikaw mismo ang maghahanap ng kabuluhan sa buhay mo sa panahon na marunong ka nang mag-isip ng kung ano ang tama at mali para sa sarili mo. Yung tipong back to zero. Clean slate. Ikaw mismo ang bubuo sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay mo at hindi yung tatanggapin mo na lang kung ano ang nakagisnan mo o ang ibinigay sa iyo ng ibang tao.

Sa ganoong paraan mas magiging masaya ka dahil ikaw mismo ang may hawak ng manibela ng buhay mo. Ikaw ang bahala kung saan ka pupunta dahil alam mo kung saan ka magiging maligaya.

Turning Point

So the results are out and yeah, I didn't make it.

I'm not really sure if I was shocked or was already expecting not to see my name on the list of passers. I guess I never really gave my best during those six months of parent-financed review here in Cebu. There's also the case of over confidence. I trusted heavily on the numbers I was getting in my review exams and the way I was constantly yapping about them on FB and Twitter just makes me a very big airbag. I'm blaming this all on my imaginary evil twin!

Seriously, I feel sorry for those guys who were really rooting for me to pass especially my parents. I don't know how was I able to let the best people in the world down. All those support and trust down the drain. Damn. I really am a jerk. But the important thing is that these people still haven't given up on me. That's why they are the best and I'm very lucky to have them.

Just like what they say, "True failure is remaining where you have fallen.", so I won't beat myself down about it anymore.

Afterall, it's not all bad.

I decided to remain here in Cebu to look for work and to continue my (self)review. Well, it's not really a decision per se but it's something that just came so naturally that I didn't really use any brain cells up. Like going with the river's flow.

I'll be travelling the road of redemption.

In a place far from home and I know no one. By myself. By my own means and without my father's money. It's scary but it is full of possibilities.

This is my turning point.


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Skull Boy and AF Elephant

One of my dream businesses is the T-Shirt Design/Printing business. I've drawn some designs and concepts but the whole thing is pretty much inside my head until I saw a Sharpie fabric marker at National Bookstore the other day. I always wanted to have one eversince some TV magazine show featured AnalogSoul, an establishment who uses Sharpie markers to hand-draw their designs into bags, shirts and shoes! They are one of my inspirations.






Okay, so I bought one for about P50+. I was looking for other colors but they only have black ones.

Anyways, with the Sharpie and an old white shirt, here's my first venture in my T-Shirt business! I did it in between studying (read: when bored) and just drew whatever came into my head that time.

Here is Skull Boy





And AF Elephant. This isn't my original design. I just saw it somewhere and liked it so much. Credit to the original artist, whoever you are. What's AF, you say? You'll figure it out! Haha.






So here they are.










I drew the elephant first thinking that the side I am using is the front. I had to draw skull boy in the front to balance it out. I could've done more with some colors.

(:


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Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Under the Storm (Finale)

One of his hands suddenly grabbed a fistful of Gab's shirt right below his throat. The other shifted to a grip on the hair of the top of his head. Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's, his lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer. Gab had been too astonished to struggle, even as Gino shifted his grip and pulled his body tight against his own. A sudden heat rushed through him, a lust he could not conceal or deny. Gino's mouth tasted of liquor and his cheek, though shaven, scraped against Gab's when he tried to pull away from him.

Gab gasped for breath, smothered between the kiss and the truth of how badly he wanted this. He put his hands against Gino's chest and pushed but could put no strength into the rejection. Gino held him easily and his deep quiet chuckle at Gab's feeble struggle vibrated through them, chest to chest.

Gino finally broke the kiss but continued to press himself tightly against Gab. He spoke by his ear. “Don't worry. Struggle as much as you think you should, or need to. I won't let you win. It's going to happen to you. Just as you always dreamed it would. Someone just needs to take a firm hand with you.”

“Let me go, man! Are you mad or drunk?” Gab's voice wavered uncertainly. The wind blew harder but he scarcely felt it. Gino effortlessly pinned his arms to his side. He was taller and stronger and he lifted Gab, not quite off his feet but in a way that let him know he could. He pressed his body against him and spoke through clenched teeth. “Neither mad nor drunk, Gab. Just more honest than you are. I don't have to ask 'What do you want, please, sir?' It was written all over your face as you stared at the happy couple. It wasn't the bride you were lusting after. It was Marcus. Well, who wouldn't? Such a handsome fellow. But you'll never have him now and neither will I. So perhaps we should settle for what we can have.” and pulled him close.

“I didn't,” Gab started to lie. “I don't know . . .” Then Gino's mouth descended again, kissing him deeply and roughly, bruising his lips until Gab gave in and opened them to him. He made a small, involuntary noise and Gino laughed into his open mouth. Then suddenly, he broke the embrace and stepped back from Gab. He nearly fell. Gab stumbled back from Gino, and the night grove of trees seemed to swing around him in a wide circle dance. He lifted the back of his hand to his mouth, tasted the salt of blood from his stinging lips. “I don't understand,” he said faintly.

“Don't you?” Gino smiled again. “I think you do. All of this will be easier when you admit you do.” He stepped closer to him and Gab did not retreat. Gino reached for him again and he did not flee. Gino's hands were hard and strong and knowing as he seized him and pulled him close.

The storm swept around them, making the trees bow and dance, but the cold couldn't reach them. Both of their bodies were radiating heat q The deep bed of needles in the darkness beneath the low-swooping pinetree branches had smelled sweet when they were crushed beneath their weight. The darkness of the sky and the swaying lush plants had covered them both perfectly like conniving parties to a secret affair. Time and family and the expectations of the rest of the world were blown away by the storm's breath.

The End.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (3rd part)

“What would you like me to say?” Gab felt trapped. Was the man mocking him or trying to be friendly with him? His conversations are now dangerously playing at the fine line between taunting and friendliness.

“That would be good. Yes. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

It took him a moment to analyze it in his mind. When he spoke, the words came smoothly, but Gino shook his head and made a sad mouth. “Oh, dear. Not like that. You need to open your mouth more. They're a very voluble people.”

“What?”

“Say it again, but open your mouth more. Purse your lips out.”

It was pure mockery. Gab was certain of it now. He made his words brisk. “I'm cold. I'm going back inside now.”

But as he strode past him, Gino's hand had shot out suddenly and gripped Gab's left shoulder. He tugged him sharply, spinning the smaller man so that Gab almost collided with him.

“Say it again.” he urged him pleasantly. “In any language you like. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

His fingers were biting into Gab's shoulder right through the formal shirt he donned for the occasion. Gab tried to squirm away.

“Let go! What do you want?” Gab demanded, but Gino had responded by seizing his other shoulder. He gave a sudden jerk that nearly pulled Gab off his feet. They were suddenly chest to chest, with Gino staring down into Gab's face.

“What do I want? Hmm. Not quite the same as asking me what I would like, but it will do. You should be asking what you want for yourself, Gab. I wonder if you've ever dared to ask that question, let alone answer it. Because the answer is very plain to me. You want this.”

Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's. His lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer.


To be continued..



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (2nd part)

He turned in shock. He didn't imagine anyone else would be out in this weather. It was even more of a shock to realize that the man was Gino, and that he must have followed him. He must have been a part of the group of men by the door that he passed when he went out, he thought.

Gab knew his name and his reputation, but little more than that. The Manriques are one of the valued clients of their family owned company. Gab was also one of the engineers who headed the construction of their resort in Batangas and that's where he got acquainted with Gino who also supervised the project. The wealthy and popular young businessman moved in a social circle several notches higher than Gab's orbit. He wondered why he had followed him out into that weather. His long deep-blue cloak was nearly black in the dimming light. The collar was turned up high, framing his face.

“It's just rain. I came outside to clear my head of a little too much wine.” Gab said awkwardly.

Gino listened to him silently, head cocked mockingly. He raised his sculpted brows in a rebuke for his lie.

“I'm not crying, if that's what you're thinking.” Gab added defensively.


“Aren't you?"Gino came toward Gab through the trickling rain. It was definitely rain now. The trail of water have doused the tall man's dark hair.

“I saw you watching the happy couple and thought to myself, now there's a spurned lover, watching his dreams stroll off without him.”

Gab watched his approach warily. “I hardly know her,” he said. “Marcus was my immediate superior as well as mentor. I'm just here to wish him well.”

“As we all are,” Gino agreed smoothly. “Our dear friend Marcus enters a new stage of his life now. He takes on the duties of a husband. And his loving friends, though we wish him well, will see far less of him now.”

The light was waning from the sky and the shadows of the pine trees made the rainy summer afternoon even darker. The fading light took the colours with it. Gino's face was a study of planes and shadows. He was smiling. His narrow lips were chiselled into a fine smile as he asked him, “I'm assuming you're his replacement? I say it's about time your dad gave you a more meaty role in your company. ”

“I'm afraid so. It's unfortunate that they'll be migrating to Australia after the wedding. It's really a big loss for the company. He's our liason for our clients in Japan, where half of our big projects come from. He's sent there every month. He's the best and the clients like him and those are big shoes to fill. I hope I don't dissapoint Dad. That also means I have to learn to speak Nihonggo very well and without an accent. Apparently, that makes the Japanese clients happy and when they're happy, more work for us. Yay." Gab said sarastically before continuing."Marcus speaks it like a native and he's been teaching me ever since he broke the news .”

Gino has now stopped so close in front of him and not even an arm's length away. “Nihonggo?” His smile grew wider, baring even teeth. “I lived in Japan for a year after graduating from college. I believe that every one should know Nihonggo. With the way Japanese work and how fast their economy grows, they have a shot in winning a power struggle when Uncle Sam drops dead in the near future. I say that's a good enough reason to learn as much as we can about them. Not just their language, but their customs. A man can speak the language of a place, but if he lacks knowledge of the customs, he will always betray himself as a foreigner. And thus not be accepted. Global super power or not, they are still one of the top nations and we'd want favor from someone of their status. They could easily crush the man who competes with them. Not to mention that the Japanese have the tendency to keep whatever they have within their boarders and among themselves. It's hard to penetrate their market but if you do, that means great business! Don't you agree?”

“I suppose. Yes.” With his econo-political blabberings, the tall businessman is definitely drunk, Gab decided.

Gino had come close enough that Gab could smell the alcohol on his breath. His dark eyes roved over Gab's face in a disconcerting way. He licked his lips and said, “So. Let me hear your accent. Say something in Japanese.”

“What?”

“That's not Japanese.” Gino grinned. “Try again.”


To be continued..


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm

A storm was threatening, one that couldn't make up its mind between icy rain and strong rough blows of wind. The wind gusted and died, and then spat a spray of water again. The thick clouds were making late June afternoon into early evening.

He didn't care. He didn't even bother with his coat. He wanted to feel the wind on his face. He wanted to be cold. It would match his mood.

He left the shelter of the large porch of the Country Club, strolled past the line of waiting cars and well-bundled drivers. He went walking in the deepening twilight on the meticulously groomed grounds that surrounded the venue.

The garden was desolate and deserted since everyone were inside enjoying the party and taking shelter for the coming storm. It was full of flowering bushes, trees and vines but the real king of that big chunk of lot are the pine trees. Towering everything around them as their needle-like leaves are blown sharply by the unimpeded wind. The smell is what reminded him that he was in Baguio and that he should be enjoying his stay. But he couldn't.

Fallen leaves littered the gravel paths. He is well passed the area where someone could wander around and he could barely hear the merry makings of everyone in the party now. The trees and bushes were kind enough to offer him the solitude he needed. The howling of the wind from an impending storm and the gentle rustling of the leaves gave him the calm he couldn't get inside, sheltered and around those happy people.

There were quite a number of close standing trees at the edge of a herb garden that he passed by. There were eucalyptus and some he didn't know the names but mostly pines, it was Baguio afterall. He headed instinctively toward the protection of the grove. In the circle of their shelter, the wind could barely find him. He turned his eyes up to the cold stormy sky and tried to find a single star through the overcast. He couldn't. He lowered his face and wiped rain from his cheeks.

“Weeping at a wedding? What a sentimental fool you are.”

to be continued..
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Drops of Jupiter

I miss my sister.

This song reminds me of her and listening to it makes death of a loved one less sad. Just thinking that those who passed away are still around us and enjoying their freedom. Crossing galaxies. Charting the heavens. Exploring the universe.

Thanks, Patrick Monahan, for writing a really great song. The story behind the song made me love it even more!

"The best thing we could do by loss of love is to find ourselves through it." -Pat Monahan

To my sister, I know wherever you are, you are happy.




Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like Summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like Spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Hey, hey.

Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that Heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey, yeah.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you?
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five hour phone conversation?
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

And tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that Heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And did you fall from a shooting star?
Fall from a shooting star?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And are you lonely looking for yourself out there?

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/train-lyrics-drops-of-jupiter-7vdsf7h#ixzz1aulccBTP
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

Chinese Cocktail

I feel guilty about Chekwa.

My inbox is full of unreturned text messages from him. Well, promising myself to him when I return to Manila is not hard, my review makes sure of that, but I think I'm just making my "busy-ness" an excuse to not return them.

The facts are these:

As much as I like him, I never really thought he'd wait two long months for me. Finalizing his breakup with the GF, constantly updating me with whatever he's doing and asking me if I'm doing good from time to time even though I've only replied to them about three times (mostly with one liners with a very passive tone) just melts my heart. Because if that was me and the guy I like snubs me, I'd just stay away and let him be. He didn't.

He's held on to the promise I gave him even though it was just a convenience for me to also bind myself to those words. I knew I couldn't afford to waste time with anybody here in Cebu so promising myself to someone in Manila coincides with the original plan and makes it a stronger resolve. The only thing is that I've included someone's emotions in a mix without knowing the kind of hangover it could kick my head with in the morning. That, my friends, officially makes me a very big jerk.



The truth is my mind's a mess. I guess I'm afraid to be with someone again. Or just not ready for one. Or maybe, just maybe, I'd still like to enjoy my singleblessedness for some more time. Or could it be that I'm still waiting for a better one?

I don't know.

Is this the universe's way of telling me not to think about it at this time?

Cebu Cutie: Pinoy Pride

SPOTTED

Where: Olympic Village, Ayala Center Cebu

When: Sept. 24, 2011, Night

What: Buying some shoes with (assuming it is) his mommy.

YUMMYGRAPHY

About 5'4"-5'5" .

Probably my age but could be younger since he's with my mother-in-law.

Sporting Pinoy's proud color.

Very handsome! Manly handsome.

Fashion style is somewhere between rock and roll and plain rugged.

I miss him already!
















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Inside. Outside. Outsiders.

Most of the boarders in our boarding house are out. They went on some sort of religious retreat and will be out for two days.

I'm was inside my room, reading some Robin Hobb. Some of the remaining tenants are just outside, in the study area, talking.

Their topic is interestingly about gayness and he center of their talk is the only open and loud gay among all of the boarders.

They are asking Gay Boarder how he came to be gay and some other stuffs like that. The first questions came from New Roommate and I was disgusted on how homophobic he really was.

"Hindi ka bakla. Lalaki ka!"

He was saying this to someone who acts and speaks as loud as Vice Ganda. Anyone who could've heard this will think of it as just a remark of concern until he followed it up with

"Nakakadiri kaya yun."

"Ginawa ng Diyos ang lalaki para sa babae."

"Hindi ka sasaya."

"May kakilala ako tulad mo pero straight na ngayon kasi lagi ko inuulit sa kanya yung mga sinasabi ko sayo saka binugbog ko. Haha!"

The latter was passed off as a joke but it barely reached my ear as one. Gay Boarder was cool enough to just laugh it all away. For that, I commend him. Some part of me got jealous of GB because he no longer hides who he really is and could come out to the open to defend himself. On my part, it would be futile for to put up a debate without making myself come out of the closet during the process. That's why I just had to write this down.

As NR and GB were talking, there was Self Righteous Religious Girl, butting in the conversation.

"Masarap daw kasi magka-sala kaya ayaw niyang mag bago."

"Hoy! Satanas! Umalis ka sa katawan ni GB! Paki kuha nga yung bible ko. May babasahin lang akong verse."

With SRRG's last remark, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had to drown their voices with Dishwalla plugged straight to my ears.

It was what they believed, after all. I don't have to like it but I have to respect it.


Photo from here

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Nothing Like You and I

We spent some time together, walking.
Spent some time just talking
About who we were.

You held my hand so very tightly
And told me what we could be
Dreaming of.

There's nothing like you and I.

We spent some time together drinking.
Spent some time just thinking
About days of joy.

As our hearts started beating faster,
I recalled your laughter
From long ago.

There's nothing like you and I.

We spent some time together crying.
Spent some time just trying
To let each other go.

I held your hand so very tightly
And told you what I would be
Dreaming of.

There's nothing like you and I.

So, why do I
Even try?





Photo from here

Nothing Like You and I, The Perishers



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Ang Lalaki sa Buhay ni Chekwa

Photo from here



Kung kelan nakita mo na siya.

Ang dream guy mo.

Chinito.

Maputi.

Walang kabahid-bahid.

Walang arte.

Koboy.

Hahalikan ka kahit kaka-yosi mo lang.

Yayakapin ka kahit pawisan ka.

Inaalalayan ka habang bumababa ng hagdan.

Gusto lagi kang ka-text.

Kausap.

Kasama.

Nandun ka sa future plans nya.

Kahit na tigasin eh nilalambing ka.

Kaya lang..

Wala pa silang closure ng girlfriend nya.

May board exam ka pang dapat i-prioritize.

At nasa malayong lugar ka.

Syet!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Bad Boyfriends

Photo from here

I know we've all had our share of these jerks. I just thought I'd categorize each one of them from my past experiences. Also, if anyone of you are realizing that your partner or you are one of these Bad Boyfriend, you know what to do. edit 9/17/11 Before anyone reacts (or after since it took me days to add this disclaimer), I'm not saying that I'm the poster child for good boyfriends nor have these past guys been totally jerks. We all have bad boyfriends inside of us. It just sucks to find yourself with one who is more inclined to be one. For all you know I could be one in the list.



The Politician

These types are really annoying. Tulad ng mga politiko, ang hilig nilang mag tayo ng billboards tuwing may projects sila. Kasehodang pag fill lang ng isang lubak sa daan, go sa pag lagay ng billboard na mas mahal pa yata ang pagpapa print kesa sa actual project. Whenever these guys do something for you, they make sure you don't forget all their struggles and hardships doing that deed. Even if it is just as simple as accompanying you to the jeepney stop from their houses. Like they just did you a favor. I mean, WTH, aren't they supposed to do that because they are your partners? Including a bunch of other stuffs? Isn't that one of the perks of being in a relationship? Feeling loved and protected without them shoving it in your face?

The Better Half

Literally the better half or atleast they think they are. Ito yung mga partners na tingin nila sa sarili nila ay mas mataas sayo. They think they are smarter than you, good looking than you or more successful than you. Heck, they even think others are better than you! They always contradict, second think or put aside your opinions and ideas like it is as natural to them as breathing. Automatic na. Pero kapag ibang tao ang nag present sakanya ng mga 'yun, agree to the max naman kaagad ang lola! Mahilig din silang makipag "diskusyunan" sayo about some things. Intelligent debate daw. Pero ang totoo they just want to tell you that they are right and you're wrong. Since sila yung mga taong nakatanim sa utak nila na tama sila. Kahit na mas may alam ka. Clearly, they don't trust your voice in the relationship. Better drop this SOAB down the sink hole where he belongs and find someone who appreciates and lifts you up. You deserve that.

The Accountant

Tulad ng Politician, mahilig din itong ipamukha sayo ang mga bagay bagay na hindi naman kailangan pang ipamukha sayo. Unless, of course, they don't really love you that much. Pero nag specialize ang mga ito sa pagbibilang. Pagbibilang lahat ng mga mali mo. These types are awesome, in a twisted way. Grabe ang memory. Yung tipong tandang tanda pa ang pagkakamali mo 2 years ago at bilang bilang kung ilan na lahat ng utang mo from the day you bacame official up to the present. Are these guys keeping a tally book or are they just mentally gifted for remembering your faults? Super convenient nga ang skills nila everytime na may arguements. I-re-recite sayo lahat ng mga pagkukulang mo. Pero ang nakakatawa, parang may amnesia sila sa lahat ng mga bagay na nagawa mong tama. Haaaaay.

The Gravedigger

Like the Accountant, these guys are very talented but they specialize in remembering all your faults when there is an argument. Yung tipong kapag may away, hinahalungkat pati yung mga past sa rifts ninyong dalawa na akala mo ay nabaon na sa lupa dahil nagka sabihan at nagka tanggapan na ng sincere na "I'm sorry." at nag make-up sex na kayo. Pero kapag sumiklab na naman ang mga petty arguments, naghuhukay na naman siya. Kahit wala ka namang ginawa para i-compromise ang "forgive and forget" scenes nyo before, be rest assured that he'll unearth it again and pile it on top of the other dead bodies in front of you. So mas OK na siya nalang ibaon mo. Sa limot. Next!

to be continued

Labels

Gay ka or Bi?

Huh? Anong klaseng tanong yan? And more importantly, does it matter?

Oo naman. Bi kasi ako at medyo naiilang ako kasama mga gay.

Tulad ng sabi ko, does it matter? Ang bading ay pumatatol sa kapwa lalaki. Ang bisexual, sa parehong lalaki at babae. So ano
Ang common ground nila? Parehas silang pumapatol sa kaparehas nila ng kasarian.

Eh kasi..

Eh kasi baka ang ibig mong sabihin effemenate ba ako or straight acting?

Ah parang ganun nga. So ano ka?

Well, to answer your original question, yes, I am gay. And for someone who calls himself bisexual, I can say that I am, in many ways, more than capable of carrying that label.

Excuse me. Hindi po ako halata.

Hindi ka halatang ano? Gay or Bi? Haha! See? Ikaw mismo nalilito sa mga labels mo.

Ah, bading ka nga. Ang daldal mo eh.

At ikaw hindi? Kung di ka halata, ano ako? Straight? Madaldal ako kasi mas marami akong alam kesa sayo. You are obviously misinformed and you lack knowledge kaya di mo ma-defend sarili mo. Saka please, stop that bisexual shit. Or that discreet crap.

Bisexual po ako. I don't know kung bakit di mo mapaniwalaan and honestly, I don't care about what you think! I've had sex with both men and women.

Ang tanong, ilang babae at ilang lalaki? Baka 1:100 ang ratio mo! Haha! Saka sex? Like that's a good indicator of sexuality. Walang pinipili ang taong libog na libog. Narinig mo na ba kung gano kalamya boses mo? Napansin mo ba kung gaano ka ka-gay wearing those purple pants, black sando topped with a gray off shoulder knitted jacket and white rimmed sunglasses? Feeling Korean? Saka teh, foundation day? Oh, and a cabinet filled with bottles of anti-aging, whitening and other beautification creams? Yeah right.

Huh? LOL! Narinig mo na ba yung term na metrosexual? Ikaw pala tong walang alam eh.

Metrosexual bordering transvestite? LOL!

Che!

Kenfeeeeeermd!



Photo from here
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Death is Your Gift

I have noticed for a time now that deaths have been happening around me a lot. Yes, I know that people die everyday but these people are personally or somehow connected to me.

I don't exactly remember who they were but I know that there have been deaths of relatives of people I know earlier this year. I think one was an ex-officemate's and some from casual acquaintances.

It didn't really occur to me back then until there have been a few deaths from my relatives as well.

A second degree aunt. An aunt. A second degree step uncle. A step uncle. A sister.

A fuck buddy's niece. A good friends lolo. A new friend's lolo. An ex officemate's lolo.

All of which are just a few weeks or months apart.

The year haven't even ended and yet I've known and witnessed more deaths than any human being is allowed to bear. I try to shrug this off, but now I fear for the sick ones that I know.

I've only talked to one friend about this but I was saddened by his reaction.

"Naku! Sana hindi ako yung sumunod! Marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay!"

I know he meant it as a joke but I could smell fear from his words. He seemed to actually believe that I was like this bringer of death that wrecks havoc to the lives of people around him. I hope it was not the reason why a supposed gang get together was not pushed hard enough into fruition. It's very laughable. Especially when he talks openly about me being just as part of his family as all his blood kins are. But I can't really blame him. Superstitions run deeply in our blood. Especially when we think our lives are at stake. I guess I'd  be expecting some "friends" to suddenly want nothing to do with me when they know about this too.

I'm not really the superstitious type but it just unnerves me to be surrounded by this many deaths. I can't explain it either. Coincidence? Omen? Am I just just more aware of deaths now than before? I don't know.

Now I feel such a freak.

photo from here

Video Scandal

Wala lang.

Gusto ko lang magpaka-controversial.

Magpaka-daring.

Mang-titillate ng inyong senses.

Be prepared, guys.

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Cebu Pasalubong: Tabo-an Market Adventure

If you're a first timer in Cebu and is wondering where to buy pasalubong for you're relatives back in your hometown or somewhere across the oceans, Tabo-an Market is the place.

Well, it is actually a one stop pasalubong shop for having delicacies ranging from otap, rosquillos, chicharon, bottled bagoong of different kinds, dried mangoes and anythig you can think of when you think of Cebu. Okay, except for lechon.

But what Tabo-an Market is really famous for are the dried fish stores that abound the area with the sought after pasalubong, danggit (rabbit fish), as its flag bearer




Photo from Penfires!

There are many ways to go to Tabo-an Market and it is easier if you know where Colon and Sanciangko streets are or know how to get there. Anyways, you can hail jeepneys with signs and route numbers such as Guadalupe 06A (which passes in front of San Jose Recolletos University), Lahug 04D (passes Cebu Colliseum) or if you're from SM Cebu, you can ride a 10H jeepney. Or anything with Carbon or Tabo-an signages, but ask the driver first, to be sure. All of which goes to or near the market. You'll know if you're near the vicinity when you see a short bridge (don't worry, you'll pass only one). If the jeep does not cross that bridge and turns left, just shout lugar lang or if you're feeling polite, lugar lang, 'ya (cebuano for para and para po manong). Of course, it's more convenient riding a cab but where's the adventure in that?

Jeepney tips are from Penfires!

Being adventurous myself and having my boarding house near Colon and Sanciangko and being armed with only researched knowledge from the internet and having only memorized the area from my map, I decided to walk my way to Tabo-an Market. Oh, if you own a map of Cebu like me, please don't bring it with you or publicly consult it when navigating the streets. Trust me. You don't wanna look too tourist-y.

I took the Sanciangko Street because it is a more direct route compared to Colon. Just follow the street going south and after probably 10-15 minutes (I used University of San Carlos as my benchmark here), you'll see the bridge that I was talking about. Cross it and you're already there! You are now looking at Tabo-an Market! And with that, take a deep breath and smell the air! Turn right from the fork (two roads going left and one going right) because that's where most of the dried goods are. Look for the Tabo-an Dried Fish Dealers Ass'n, Inc. signage. Start there.



Photo from www.pinoyislands.com

I went there at around 7AM to avoid a horde of pasalubong buyers but I guess it was too early since some stalls were just opening and some haven't opened yet. I guess 8AM would be the best time to go there. Nevertheless, even with some closed stores, the variety of dried fish and pasalubong overwhelmed me.



Photo from www.pinoyislands.com

As suggested by other bloggers, I only wore pambahay clothes. That's because the smell of dried fishes there is very strong, it clings to you and your clothes. And that is not an exaggeration.




Photo from www.pinoyislands.com





Photo from Baktin Corporation

I was looking for Nang Aying's stall (as recommended by Baktin Corporation) but I guess she haven't opened yet so I just bought from the nearest open stall. I bought the small, gill-less, unsalted ones (washed with fresh water or tubig tab-ang) because I heard that those are the best ones. Easy to crispy fry and less salty. It was sold at P540.00 per kilo. A far cry from the the P100+ per 100 grams you see in supermarkets and airport kiosks. I bought half a kilo and asked the crew to seal them into five 100 gram packs for easier distribution to friends and relatives.



There are also dried squids, fish bones, fish tocino and others that I don't know the names. I was on a budget so I opted not to ask for their prices. I was only there for two things, danggit and the mango chews.




Yes, mango chews. Well, they're pretty much the same as "the" dried mangoes only without the fibers. Mango chews are basically mango puree mixed with gelatin to be of the same consistency as dried mangoes. They look and taste the same that it could easily be mistaken as the real ones. Believe me. I was fooled big time once. How to tell the difference? Well dried mangoes are fibrous so check if your purchase have hints of fibers in them. Also, mango chews have uniform shape and size (shaped like a mango leaf) and at closer inspection, you can see trapped air bubbles inside. There are those with brands that you see in super markets but I guess their prices, if not just some pesos cheaper, are more or less the same. I was after those unbranded ones which are way cheaper. Okay, they maybe unbranded and packed on clear plastic but I'm pretty sure they are legit. They must have come direct from the factory just by seeing how it was neatly packed and marked with an expiration date in the corner (definitely machine packed and labeled). The tindera told me that the mangoes are distributed by the same guys from 7D Dried Mangoes.



It really pays well to check some stores first before buying. I found out that there could be a P30 difference for a kilo of mango chews from two stores that are just beside each other. I bought one kilo for P350.00 and asked them to repack it into four 250gram packs. The only factory packed are the one kilos. The store just repacks them into 250 and 500 gram denominations so that buyers are presented with different options but I insisted on them repacking my one kilo just to be sure. The other store beside have them for just P320.00 but does not do repackings that's why I bought from the latter. Also, there are these mango chips (about one fourth the size of ordinary mango chews) that are about P50-P100 cheaper but were out of stock. I guess they sell pretty fast because of it's cheaper and bite sized.

It also helps if you have a local with you to do the talking and haggling. I'm pretty sure that the price I got are "haggle-able" but I'm never really good at haggling so I didn't try. Try to also visit some stores before buying to know where the best prices are. One rule of the thumb is that prices on well established stores (located in front of Tabo-an Market, just across the street) are higher because of higher rent and more people tending their spacious stores. Also, the price of dried fishes fluctuates. It depends if there's a full moon and catch is small or if there are festivities like Sinulog.

Equipped with just a handful of cebuano vocabulary, I tried my very best to speak like a local but I think the tinderas I talked to found my bisaya (trying)hard and just spoke to me directly in Tagalog. I was actually laughing at myself when I came out of the store. So much for my local disguise.

Anyways, mission accomplished! Ready for the airport!



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Bridges and a Funeral (Part 1 of 2)

She has been fighting cancer for 3 years. Lymphoma. Her health was a rollercoaster ride for all of us. One day doctors and lab results tell us she's getting better, then some months after, she's back in chemo and radiation.

Although felt and showed differently, I know my sister's passing was a shock to all of us. I used to think that when you get used to having a sick relative for so long, the time that they succumb to their illnesses would have been the time that you've subconsciously (or consciously) prepared for halfway their sick lives.

I guess reality really is a lot of shades darker than theory. You always think you know how a certain situation would turnout because you have ran them through a thousand times in your head with logical simulations. But it catches you by the tail when it actually happens because you lack one important data. Emotion. Actual emotion. And kicking them out from the equation would throw your chart way off because, well, you don't really know how you would exactly react on things until they're in front of you. Just like how the old saying goes.

Not crying when I learned about my sister's death made me shame myself but I knew it was not the case when I took it all in during the wake. Well, okay, I didn't really cry. I just got teary eyed (the worst would be a tear nearly escaping my lower eyelashes).
I realized I was rejecting the idea. I kept my sadness in check. Breathing deeply and blinking fast whenever emotions are about to flood, tears start to well up and lumps start to block my throat. That was the part of me who didn't want to bee seen as less than a man by crying and sobbing. Especially when all the clan have gathered on that occasion. I was purposely preventing my thoughts into venturing deeper in my heart to fish out emotions. I kept it in the shallows of just knowing the facts. My sister died. We mourn. We socialize.

Dear Diary (Part 1 of 2)

August 07, 2011 (Sunday)

Dear Diary,

For the past weeks palagi nalang sumusulpot sa isip ko si Ex#5. Ewan ko ba. Maybe it's from listening too much of Papa Jack's radio show. Then today a friend told me some news about him. It's good to hear he's starting to do something good about his life but was afraid of hearing more than that. I realized that his effect on me still lingers in one of the deepest recesses of my mind. Coming out only when I thought I shrugged it all off when I came here and spent months of self discovery. Sabi nga sakin ng friend na yun, "Ang bitter bitter muna!". Maybe. Maybe not. But that made me regret the follow up text message I sent him. I'm going back to Manila for a one week break this September. Should I avoid crossing paths with him to not disrupt my healing process or should I look fear straight in the eyes and face him to conquer my weakness and be freed of this emotional attachment? Does he want to see me at all? Ugh! Just when I thought my Adele listening days are over!

(EDIT: 08/21/'11 Napaaga ang pagkikita namin ni Ex#5 and naging ok naman na kami. It turned out na wala naman palang dapat ika-worry.)





August 08, 2011 (Monday)

Dear Diary,

Exam namin ngayon sa Geotech. I only had one day to study kaya nose bleed and drama ko. It wasn't hard. May mga topics lang akong di naisama sa cramped study time na binigay ko sa sarili ko. I'll have to be ready next time.

On a lighter note, araw yata ngayon ng mga adik text messages na tulad ng mga 'to.

Texter#1: Low ev,bei

(Yes. Hindi ko din maintindihan kung ano ibig nyang sabihin but my common sense roughly translated it to mean "Hello. Good evening, bai." Is this the next plague to short message sending after the Jejemon Text?

Texter#2: Ano mas murang cake? Red Ribon or Goldy Lucks?

Okay, Red Ribon I can forgive, but Goldy Lucks?!? WTH?! I replied with, "Goldy Lucks". I can only imagine how he felt when he went to buy the cake and saw the store's name.

On a naughty note naman (puro notes? why, of course! I love notes!), later that evening, Goldy Lucks got lucky. After a month of drought, I finally went on a (sex)date again. I later learned that Goldy Lucks has a doctorate degree in Philosophy and Social Sciences and some Education stuffs and also an english major to boot (he showed me his resume and let me read it). It left me wondering. That much education and no sense of correct spelling? I did ask him why he asked about the cakes to get some reaction. He was oblivious. It was a good thing he's so good looking and manly. Okay, okay, maybe I'll cut him some slack for being a busy person who just came back from Singapore last month.

Now, I know this is the part everyone reading is excited about. Yes, we had sex. It was awkward though. Our background music are gospel songs and it was hard enough getting my dick associated with a new mouth. It only got harder listening to people sing "I love you, Jesus." while grinding.




Photo from here.

August 09, 2011 (Tuesday)

Dear Diary,

Hindi ako nakauwi sa boarding house kagabi kasi dun nako pinatulog ni Goldy Lucks sa bahay niya. Masyado lang siyang too-much-information. Revealing personal stuffs too easily to a total stranger and from what I could make up from his stories, he seem to be someone of high stature, was married and has two kids. We talked a great length until he asked me, "Gusto mo ba ako?". He paused a while to wait for my reply. His question was too demanding. Of course I like him.. enough to have a tryst with him but I couldn't just tell him that was all. It could hurt my chance for a second helping of the carnal experience we shared last night. Realizing that I'm having a hard time thinking for something to say, he continued, "Gusto kasi kita." Right. Like that statement made it easier for me to come up with a good line. It strained my mind that I was sure my face was making contortotions like I was constipated. I glued a smile and showed some teeth and prepared to say something but was not sure what. While my mind was battling with its own whether to be honest or to sugar coat, I heard myself blurt out an "Eh?". Realizing how stupid that sounded, I followed it up with "Ang bilis bilis mo naman kasi. First meeting palang natin. Hindi pa natin kilala ang isa't isa." While those words parted my lips, I was sure I heard someone make a snide comment at the back of my mind, 'Oo nga. First time and then sex agad. Haha!'. and then someone retorts with 'Eh kaya nga sexdate eh!' Anyways, he was fast to say na, "Nakakaadik ka kasi." Phew! It was a relief that is was just that shallow. I couldn't afford to be in a relationship in my current emotional state and in this current time.

We got out of bed at 9:30AM. He told me to wait while he prepares for work. We parted ways in front of his office building. While ascending a flight of stairs, he made some gestures and mouthed some words to me but not having worn my eyeglasses, I could not see what he was trying to say.

I was late for the morning class (8:00Am) so I just decided to sleep some hours off and attend the 1:00PM class.

Later that afternoon, I learned that Kent (one of my crushes in our boarding house) moved to another dormitory. Ang sad lang. Hindi ko na siya nakikita araw-araw. Hindi ko na siya natititigan ng matagal. Hindi ko na masisilayaan ang smile niya, na kahit may sungki, ay cute at nagpapakilig sa akin. Haaay. Ang landi ko lang.

August 10, 2011 (Wednesday)

Dear Diary,

Alam mo, nakakainis. The scores of our mid Pre Board Exam was posted today and my heart sank. Ako ang pinaka mababa sa aming grupo and at the bottom 30% of the class! Dinah, who's the slowest in our group, bested me by 15%. People have been asking me kung ano nangyari kasi karamihan sa kanila sa akin nagtatanong about the lessons. I felt like a fraud. Well, I could only blame myself. Masyado akong confident at stubborn at tamad at puro kalandian ang inaatupag. Time to get serious.

It's also a good thing na malapit ko nang matapos ang Shaman's Crossing ni Robin Hobbs. Naadik ako. It has been eating up a lot of my study time since I started reading it last Sunday. Hindi siya katulad nung huli kong nabasa na "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith ) (which was a bore, IMHO)at "Kapitan Sino" ni Bob Ong (this one's a gem!) na natatapos ko sa loob ng saktong isang linggo bawat isa dahil kaya kong tiisin na hindi sila mabasa. When it comes to Shaman's Crossing, I couldn't resist. It was the longest book I've read pero I read it the shortest. I was suddenly alarmed. Baka matulad 'to sa comic book collection ko na I had no choice but to delete kasi I couldn't stop reading. And since malapit ko na nga siyang matapos, I'm giving myself just that and then won't read the sequel unless it's a Sunday (rest day from study). I don't want get into a situation where I'm forced to destroy my book collection. I'm a geek that way.

Sinisingil na nga pala ako dito sa boarding house but I couldn't pay yet. I loaned a big chunk of my allowance to Tina last week for a family emergency. It was a good call that time para maforce akong magtipid and she promised to pay within this week. Yun nga lang, isang malaking fail. She only managed to pay me 30% of what she owed me. Just enough to get me through the week. Well, I don't really need the money now and I know our land lady is understanding enough to let me pay the rent on Monday so it was not a big deal for me. But it made me wonder. Was it wise to have agreed so easily for her to just pay some amount today and the remaining next week which is totally out of the context of our deal's conditions? Could it instill in her mind that I always have money readily available to be loaned and that I don't need it that much to think that it's ok to pay late? I thought about my landlady and asked myself if that was what I was exactly doing to her. Haizt.



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