I feel guilty about Chekwa.
My inbox is full of unreturned text messages from him. Well, promising myself to him when I return to Manila is not hard, my review makes sure of that, but I think I'm just making my "busy-ness" an excuse to not return them.
The facts are these:
As much as I like him, I never really thought he'd wait two long months for me. Finalizing his breakup with the GF, constantly updating me with whatever he's doing and asking me if I'm doing good from time to time even though I've only replied to them about three times (mostly with one liners with a very passive tone) just melts my heart. Because if that was me and the guy I like snubs me, I'd just stay away and let him be. He didn't.
He's held on to the promise I gave him even though it was just a convenience for me to also bind myself to those words. I knew I couldn't afford to waste time with anybody here in Cebu so promising myself to someone in Manila coincides with the original plan and makes it a stronger resolve. The only thing is that I've included someone's emotions in a mix without knowing the kind of hangover it could kick my head with in the morning. That, my friends, officially makes me a very big jerk.
The truth is my mind's a mess. I guess I'm afraid to be with someone again. Or just not ready for one. Or maybe, just maybe, I'd still like to enjoy my singleblessedness for some more time. Or could it be that I'm still waiting for a better one?
I don't know.
Is this the universe's way of telling me not to think about it at this time?