Thursday, April 28, 2011

Strangers, Again

We were in his room. 

Though we've seen each other a couple of times in gatherings with friends, it was actually the first time we met, as lovers.

I still remember how tidy his room was. It was a far cry from my dumpster. With bright polished floor, I was hesitant to drag my shoes in. Afraid that I might bring in some dirt from outside but he said it was ok.

The AC was on max, I guess... or was I just nervous because my hands were freezing the moment I stepped inside? We'll be attending a Christmas Party later that night with friends so he was preparing. I went and sat at the right side of his couch as I wait. There wasn't really so much talking that time. I guess we were both nervous and speechless.

"Okay ka lang diyan? Patabi." 

Finally, no more awkward, silent, waiting moments. I was relieved to hear him speak but my heart pounded tremendously as I realized the implications of those words. I was caught off guard. Part of me wanted to feel his warmth but another was afraid that if he saw me closer, he'll realize how imperfect I am.

But it didn't matter to him. He put his left arm around my shoulder and his right grabbed my waist, locking me in a soft but passionate embrace. I can feel his warm body but I was frozen. I couldn't move. I don't want to move. I was afraid that a flick of a finger or a blink or an inhale might ruin the moment. My stomach was filled with butterflies and my heart was pounding as fast and as loud like it has never been this alive before.

He moved his head closer to mine. His sweet breath sending me closer to euphoria.Then with a soft push, his lips touched mine. I could literally feel the electricity travel from my lips to my spine. It was heaven It was our first..

"He was my unicorn. Unbelievable. Crazy special. The guy I thought could never exist. It was a dream come true. The guy I wanted to be with so so badly, was finally mine." 

My last two entries were cryptic but I know you guys have figured it out. RT and I are no longer together for about a month now. The past weeks have been tough. Break ups are never easy for both parties and I would just like to say that it was a mutual decision. There were no aggrieved parties and no victims.I guess when you really love the person, you have to do what's right even if it calls for hardship and sacrifice. I just got caught up in denial after that's why It took me some time to tell a friend. 

I never really fully understood this until recently but I know life is leading us into taking separate paths. It's telling us that we have these journeys that we have to take alone in order to become better individuals. The universe have gone into too much trouble just to conspire with the events that will lead us where we are now, so whatever we have to do alone must have a great importance in our lives and no matter how far we go down our roads, I know that our paths will cross again eventually.

 "I think that, if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time... and I'll be thankful for that... and I hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that's the best we could wish for." 

photos are from here and here
quotes are from Strangers, Again


bwisit! said...

yeah break-ups are tough for both parties.

Mugen said...

Grieve because tomorrow, everything will be forgotten. :)

Blakrabit said...

@bwisit: Yup! It doesn't really matter if you're the dumper or the dumpee. Decisions are to be respected.

@mugen: I've already gone through its five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It feels lighter having been able to stop nursing those negative emotions and it's very enlightening.

After all what's said and done, it all boils down to the fact the you loved that person. Hating will only bring you down. :)

peripheralviews said...

bigla tuloy kitang bnamiss... halika nga!!!

Manech said...

Good that you took the positive view. :)

Anonymous said...

Which just proves, yet again, that this kind of relationship never lasts...

Blakrabit said...

@ewik: at bakit ibang account gamit mo?

@manech: yeah. It's a struggle to be positive everyday. I just hope I can keep it up. :)

@anon 9:35PM: I'm assuming you're talking about homosexual relationships and nope, it doesn't not prove anything. Couples break up every second, heterosexual or homosexual, because one stopped caring.

mharlo said...

it was actually a great movie which comprises .. everything about love :)