Friday, December 30, 2011

Perfect Strangers

Scene from the movie "From Beginning to End"

Are you and PJ partners?

He nodded weakly. The direct sourness of my question have clearly unsettled him. His face didn't know how to react. It showed of guilt but was trying to put up a small smile like how someone would automatically blow into a newly acquired wound even though it really does nothing to heal it or keep the pain away.

And you have a girlfriend?

He was silent. Staring into nothingness that is the roughly paved concrete on the ground. I felt my head rush with blood. PJ was right. Everything he told me was the truth. All along I thought his revelations were mere fabrications of a jealous third wheel. I was the third wheel and I never felt so stupid in my entire life.

Then why?

Why what?

Why do you still have sex with other guys? Why do you still have sex with guys if you already have a girl friend? And with PJ acting as if he's some kind of pimp?

It was supposed to be a threesome. Me, PJ, Bryan. PJ was really my contact but was caught up at work that's whay he set me up with Bryan instead. He was like a middle man. Bryan and I contacted each other through him. Later, I found out that this was how they mostly set things up. Bryan never gave his number to anyone. He said he'd try to catch up but his call center work spits him out on the wee hours of the morning. I never got to meet him. I never did want to meet him. Because when I met Bryan, I only wanted him.

Chinito. Fair. Very manly. Older. Chubby. Those are the perfect ingredients for my poison. A  poison that turns my knees into jelly. Fills my stomach with butterflies. Makes my heart pound like a blacksmith's hammer, and clouds my judgment like a drop of black ink in a vial of clear water. It was death. And it was a death that I gladly revelled in.

We had sex. Tha was the plan. He was a power bottom and wanted to be fucked hard, or so that's what PJ told me in our text conversations. And I believed him. So I did. As hard and as wild as I could. It was all animal instict, bereft of humanity.

But that wasn't my style. Cold, Heartless sex that only views the partner as a sex object and only longs for self satisfaction. I like to give warmth. Security. Sense of belongingness and satisfaction to whoever I chose to have sex with. Even for just a night. But that giving some of myself up opens my heart a little bit, exposing it to emotions that could be dangerously infectuous.

I felt guilty and offered my warm, passionate self to him. This time looking at him with eyes that sees him as a person. With those, I saw his resemblance with Hale's Champ. Only with a lot more meat. His smiles bring out two gorgeous dimples and make his eyes sparkle, definitely imitating a smile. The wild sex was replaced with long talks, passionate kissing, tight embraces and holding of hands. We took turns massaging each other's backs. Teased each other like kids. We laid in bed with my left arm on his back and his head on my chest. Our naked bodies kept each other warm against the cold of the rainy night.

I knew I was dead.

It's complicated.

How is that complicated? How is being a slutty son-of-a-bitch complicated? And there I was. Talking as if I'm not a slutty son-of-a-bitch myself.

It's just sex. He said softly. Almost a whisper, almost ashamed.

I was trying to control my emotion. Anger. Longing. Yeah. Sex. Because a girl can't fuck your ass with her vagina!

Because I am a mess, okay. Because everything in my life is fucked up. I am fucked up! He said aloud. Emotions welling up. I knew it was hard for him to admit that. His words cut himself like a blade through the wrist. I felt how it stung him. It was a good thing it's too early for people to be out that morning.

Why did you say you like me? That you'd miss me terribly? That you'd love to visit me sometime and just chat about some stuffs?

Because I did. I do.
He said sincerely.

There was silence.

I laughed at myself in my thoughts. Here I am. Begging someone to explain to me his affections from a moment of a one night stand. How stupid was that? Something that starts with sex can never be something else other than something about sex. I was supposed to know that.

My eyes left the wall it has been staring at blankly and turned my head to face Bryan who was already looking at me with his sad, glassy eyes. Our eyes met. I smiled. It was a smile of someone who has been hurt but who also has been made happy. It was bittersweet. And I knew it only had one ending.

I know you do. And I know you can't. And I know I shouldn't.

We knew there and then that even if our hearts desired it, it was not meant to be. We knew that at that moment, we are destined to travel two different roads. And with that, I turned my back and walked along the path the Universe laid out before me.

If he stayed there at the alley and watched me dissappear amongst the crowd that the morning sunlight have then stirred up, I'll never know.

Let's just keep it simple
In the AM it's goodbye
The syrup's so much sweeter
When you let the butterfly

So spread your wings and go
It's better not to know
What I'm gonna miss
I'll remember your kiss

We are passing trains
We are whiplash lovers
We are burning wax,
Melting all over each other

We could be perfect strangers,
Let's spend tonight.

We could be perfect strangers,
Hello, would look in my eyes?

Everyone wants you
But nobody knows
That you're all alone inside

We could be perfect strangers.
Thank you for spending one night with me.

Perfect Stangers, INXS

100th post.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Airport Cutie: Gray Encounter


Where: NAIA Terminal 3

When: Dec. 26, 2011 3:15AM

What: I don't know if he's in for a domestic or international flight.


Small. About 5'0"- 5'5". But what he lacks in height, he more than makes up in the looks department. My camera didn't really give justice to him. He's more good looking in person.

Seems to be from the sheltered part of the community. Sports nice, quality, and branded garments with a touch of metrosexuality (carries an extra neon green shoulder bag, tight knee-long shorts and white shirt (when he's not wearing the jacket).

Now, this is me hoping we're on the same flight!

*crosses fingers*

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Taguig Cutie: Mr. Smiley

Okay. So, I am now in Manila for the holidays and that means I'm supposed to help tend our hardware store while I'm available. I never really liked it because I always get soiled. The only redeeming factor it has that makes it bearable for me is the multitude of cute astig guys that I get to see and speak (flirt) with. I got a chance to see some of my long time crushies today! Some would be customers. Palengke boys. Market-venturing Daddies (a total turn-on). Handsome passerby's and kanto boys like our scoop for the day. Our store is just in front of a mini dry market and the main road.


Where: Somewhere in Taguig City

When: Dec. 23, 2011

What: Buying cigarettes


Wearing just a shirt and a boxer. Probably just came out of bed. Sexy bedroom look!

Very astig and cute.

Smiles dreamily.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Karmic Infidels (Part 1)

What the fuck am I doing?!

He asked himself angrily. His heart is beating fast. He can feel his blood rushing troughout his body like a flash flood determined to wash away all his rationality and self control.

They are both slouched at the corner of the bed, their backs against the wall, and just inches away from each other's skin.

Pheromones have been filling up the air for an hour now. The room's atmosphere is thick with sex and attraction that breathing it could choke his awareness the moment he succumbs to his body's need for carnal satiation.

The flirting phase of the game was clearly over. Mar moved down. His body now comfortably rests in the bed but his head is still on the wall, his hands cushioning it against the hardness. His eyes, closed. Lips, wet. Mar's turn was up.

He's waiting for my move.

He knew this wasn't supposed to happen. He always stood for what's right and what's fair. He lived by the Golden Rule. But all of it were just rational talks. He is a fraud. He never thought he could be this weak against real temptation. He underestimated it like he underestimated a lot of things in his life lately. Now he is seeing temptation for what it really is. Sly. Deceptive. Manipulative. Dangerous, and it feeds on his weakness.

Kind. Stocky. Fair. Discreet. Older. That should've been only five counts. Why did I let myself get tangled in this situation with someone that has a sixth that says "in a long distance relationship"?

Photo frome here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Gaya ng Dati

May mahal ka ba ngayon?

Pwedeng kasama mo siya. Pwedeng mahal mo lang pero hindi naman kayo.

Ano nga ba 'yung ginagawa mo para sa taong 'yan?

What do you do everyday para hindi ka iwan?

O baka may ginagawa ka na pala, hindi man araw-araw, para mawala siya.

Nakakainis no?

Sometimes when we finally find that person na gusto nating makasama forever, yung tipong alam mong siya na, yung tipong he's the one, ang nakakapikon na part ay yung pag natagpuan mo na siya, we still do things na pwedeng maging dahilan ng pagka wala nila sa atin.

We do things to push that person away. Sinasadya man or we're just being ourselves, minsan iniisip natin, hindi ba dapat tanggap tayo kung sino tayo?

Well, that's nice. 'Yung matanggap tayo kung ano yug pagkatao natin pero sa kabilang banda, compromise is everything.

It's OK na sabihin mo sa partner mo na mahalin mo ako kung ano ako but sometimes, we must learn to adjust.

Kailangan, you make that person love you pero bigyan mo siya ng dahilan para maramdaman at gawin 'yun. Maintenance, ika nga.

Hmm.. bakit hindi mo ibalik ang dati?

Gumawa ka ng paraan na ang tanging hangarin mo lang kapag may ginawa kang effort para sa kanya ay hindi para puriin ka kundi para kiligin siya.

Do it.

And do it everyday.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Karmic Infidels (Part 2)

But it was too late to ponder about his thoughts of right or wrong. The snake of sin has already bared it's fangs and easily pierced through his armor of weak virtues. The poison spread through his veins rapidly as if his body has been longing for it for centuries. It badly wanted the short burst of ecstasy it will be experiencing after the release. It was down to it's basic level of desire. It was in control.

He shifted his body to face Mar. His face was a play of shadows and shapes in the room's dim light. His full red lips was undeniably ready for the descent of his. Down across his body, a beast wants to be let out. It spoke to him. Im yours for the taking.

He waited half a dozen seconds before he had the courage to lean towards Mar. He smelled his sweet breath briefly, and then found himself pulling back. But not entirely. That was his last remaining ounce of morality eager to put this madness to stop. But just like an animal with a slit throat, that last struggle drained his conscience of all its life.

Another dozen seconds and this time he leaned more slowly and powerfully. And when his lips touched Mar's, he left all reasons behind.

You know this will eventually come back and bite you in the ass, right?

Yes. I know. I'd expect nothing less.

No. Believe me. You wouldn't. You'll pay when you least expect it and when you can't afford it. You've set something bad in motion and it's only a matter of time until the ripples reach you.

You really are a bitch, aren't you?

Yeah, honey. That's what you all losers call me.

Monday, December 12, 2011

False Memory Syndrome

Did I make you up?

He asked the tiny picture.

Did you ever exist as the person I longed for you to be?

He put the photo back in the secret pocket, snapped his wallet shut, and closed his hand around it, then sat on the edge of his small, flat bed, his loosely clenched hands to his temples. He felt the ring on his left hand. It was their couple's ring. It puzzled him how something that symbolizes everything warm and fuzzy could suddenly become rough and cold to the touch.

He closed his eyes and commanded his memories.

One kiss that he had initiated as an expression of his affection to me rather than the other way around.

One openhanded touch that was pure affection and nothing else.

One word of praise or affection, unhinged by sarcasm.

One hug that was brought by the joy of seeing me after a long time and not because I asked for it.

One date that he planned just to let me know that he want to be out and about doing fun activities with me.

One day with the bestfriends where I don't magically become non-existent in their presence.

He was certain there had been such moments, but he could not call one to the forefront of his mind.

He lowered his hand and looked at the closed wallet he still clutched and the silver ring on his finger.

Throw the ring away. Burn the photo.

No. He couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. Not yet. But he would not keep the photo in his wallet's secret pocket, nor sleep with it under his pillow and he would not wear the ring anymore. He’d set them aside, where he wouldn’t see them by accident. He would put them with the other mementos that now shamed him.

photo frome here

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