Your problem isn't that you make bad choices. It is you identify the good choices and then intentionally do the opposite.
You see, in this boorish bravado of yours is a paralyzing fear of letting anyone into your life.. and it isn't because you weren't loved as a kid. It's because you're egocentric that the love
So you pull pigtails, you push the fat kids into the dirt so no one would ignore little you. And you're so invested in this neurotic, narcissistic notion of yourself as loner that you can't quit.
And you'll keep on dumping on everyone around you until eventually, and please trust me on this, there won't be anyone left..