For the past weeks palagi nalang sumusulpot sa isip ko si Ex#5. Ewan ko ba. Maybe it's from listening too much of Papa Jack's radio show. Then today a friend told me some news about him. It's good to hear he's starting to do something good about his life but was afraid of hearing more than that. I realized that his effect on me still lingers in one of the deepest recesses of my mind. Coming out only when I thought I shrugged it all off when I came here and spent months of self discovery. Sabi nga sakin ng friend na yun, "Ang bitter bitter muna!". Maybe. Maybe not. But that made me regret the follow up text message I sent him. I'm going back to Manila for a one week break this September. Should I avoid crossing paths with him to not disrupt my healing process or should I look fear straight in the eyes and face him to conquer my weakness and be freed of this emotional attachment? Does he want to see me at all? Ugh! Just when I thought my Adele listening days are over!
(EDIT: 08/21/'11 Napaaga ang pagkikita namin ni Ex#5 and naging ok naman na kami. It turned out na wala naman palang dapat ika-worry.)
August 08, 2011 (Monday)
Exam namin ngayon sa Geotech. I only had one day to study kaya nose bleed and drama ko. It wasn't hard. May mga topics lang akong di naisama sa cramped study time na binigay ko sa sarili ko. I'll have to be ready next time.
On a lighter note, araw yata ngayon ng mga adik text messages na tulad ng mga 'to.
Texter#1: Low ev,bei
(Yes. Hindi ko din maintindihan kung ano ibig nyang sabihin but my common sense roughly translated it to mean "Hello. Good evening, bai." Is this the next plague to short message sending after the Jejemon Text?
Texter#2: Ano mas murang cake? Red Ribon or Goldy Lucks?
Okay, Red Ribon I can forgive, but Goldy Lucks?!? WTH?! I replied with, "Goldy Lucks". I can only imagine how he felt when he went to buy the cake and saw the store's name.
On a naughty note naman (puro notes? why, of course! I love notes!), later that evening, Goldy Lucks got lucky. After a month of drought, I finally went on a (sex)date again. I later learned that Goldy Lucks has a doctorate degree in Philosophy and Social Sciences and some Education stuffs and also an english major to boot (he showed me his resume and let me read it). It left me wondering. That much education and no sense of correct spelling? I did ask him why he asked about the cakes to get some reaction. He was oblivious. It was a good thing he's so good looking and manly. Okay, okay, maybe I'll cut him some slack for being a busy person who just came back from Singapore last month.
Now, I know this is the part everyone reading is excited about. Yes, we had sex. It was awkward though. Our background music are gospel songs and it was hard enough getting my dick associated with a new mouth. It only got harder listening to people sing "I love you, Jesus." while grinding.
Photo from here.
August 09, 2011 (Tuesday)
Hindi ako nakauwi sa boarding house kagabi kasi dun nako pinatulog ni Goldy Lucks sa bahay niya. Masyado lang siyang too-much-information. Revealing personal stuffs too easily to a total stranger and from what I could make up from his stories, he seem to be someone of high stature, was married and has two kids. We talked a great length until he asked me, "Gusto mo ba ako?". He paused a while to wait for my reply. His question was too demanding. Of course I like him.. enough to have a tryst with him but I couldn't just tell him that was all. It could hurt my chance for a second helping of the carnal experience we shared last night. Realizing that I'm having a hard time thinking for something to say, he continued, "Gusto kasi kita." Right. Like that statement made it easier for me to come up with a good line. It strained my mind that I was sure my face was making contortotions like I was constipated. I glued a smile and showed some teeth and prepared to say something but was not sure what. While my mind was battling with its own whether to be honest or to sugar coat, I heard myself blurt out an "Eh?". Realizing how stupid that sounded, I followed it up with "Ang bilis bilis mo naman kasi. First meeting palang natin. Hindi pa natin kilala ang isa't isa." While those words parted my lips, I was sure I heard someone make a snide comment at the back of my mind, 'Oo nga. First time and then sex agad. Haha!'. and then someone retorts with 'Eh kaya nga sexdate eh!' Anyways, he was fast to say na, "Nakakaadik ka kasi." Phew! It was a relief that is was just that shallow. I couldn't afford to be in a relationship in my current emotional state and in this current time.
We got out of bed at 9:30AM. He told me to wait while he prepares for work. We parted ways in front of his office building. While ascending a flight of stairs, he made some gestures and mouthed some words to me but not having worn my eyeglasses, I could not see what he was trying to say.
I was late for the morning class (8:00Am) so I just decided to sleep some hours off and attend the 1:00PM class.
Later that afternoon, I learned that Kent (one of my crushes in our boarding house) moved to another dormitory. Ang sad lang. Hindi ko na siya nakikita araw-araw. Hindi ko na siya natititigan ng matagal. Hindi ko na masisilayaan ang smile niya, na kahit may sungki, ay cute at nagpapakilig sa akin. Haaay. Ang landi ko lang.
August 10, 2011 (Wednesday)
Alam mo, nakakainis. The scores of our mid Pre Board Exam was posted today and my heart sank. Ako ang pinaka mababa sa aming grupo and at the bottom 30% of the class! Dinah, who's the slowest in our group, bested me by 15%. People have been asking me kung ano nangyari kasi karamihan sa kanila sa akin nagtatanong about the lessons. I felt like a fraud. Well, I could only blame myself. Masyado akong confident at stubborn at tamad at puro kalandian ang inaatupag. Time to get serious.
It's also a good thing na malapit ko nang matapos ang Shaman's Crossing ni Robin Hobbs. Naadik ako. It has been eating up a lot of my study time since I started reading it last Sunday. Hindi siya katulad nung huli kong nabasa na "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith ) (which was a bore, IMHO)at "Kapitan Sino" ni Bob Ong (this one's a gem!) na natatapos ko sa loob ng saktong isang linggo bawat isa dahil kaya kong tiisin na hindi sila mabasa. When it comes to Shaman's Crossing, I couldn't resist. It was the longest book I've read pero I read it the shortest. I was suddenly alarmed. Baka matulad 'to sa comic book collection ko na I had no choice but to delete kasi I couldn't stop reading. And since malapit ko na nga siyang matapos, I'm giving myself just that and then won't read the sequel unless it's a Sunday (rest day from study). I don't want get into a situation where I'm forced to destroy my book collection. I'm a geek that way.
Sinisingil na nga pala ako dito sa boarding house but I couldn't pay yet. I loaned a big chunk of my allowance to Tina last week for a family emergency. It was a good call that time para maforce akong magtipid and she promised to pay within this week. Yun nga lang, isang malaking fail. She only managed to pay me 30% of what she owed me. Just enough to get me through the week. Well, I don't really need the money now and I know our land lady is understanding enough to let me pay the rent on Monday so it was not a big deal for me. But it made me wonder. Was it wise to have agreed so easily for her to just pay some amount today and the remaining next week which is totally out of the context of our deal's conditions? Could it instill in her mind that I always have money readily available to be loaned and that I don't need it that much to think that it's ok to pay late? I thought about my landlady and asked myself if that was what I was exactly doing to her. Haizt.
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