Tanong

Pano mo nga ba masasabing in-love ka sa isang tao?

Dahil ba hindi siya mawala-wala sa isip mo? Dahil masaya ka kapag andyan sya? Dahil ba gusto mo siya palagi makasama? Mahalikan? Mahawakan? Mayakap? Maka-sex?

Sapat na ba ang mga dahilan na 'yon para ayain siyang makipag-relasyon?

Eh pano kung hindi niya kayang ibalik sa'yo ang emotional attachment na nararamdaman mo? Pa'no kung ang kaya n'ya lang ibigay sa'yo ay ang saya sa tuwing magkasama lang kayo?

Ano ang gagawin mo kung hanggang dun lang? Na kahit nakikita mong masaya din siya kapag kasama ka at ginagawa ang kung ano-ano na sa perspective mo ay ang mga ginagawa lang mga mag partners eh hindi pa din siya mapapa sa'yo? Anong gagawin mo kung ganun lang talaga? Na he's just enjoying his time being with you? Na may posibilidad din na he's enjoying his time kasama ng iba pa?

Two become one? You complete me? Kung iisipin mo nga naman, kahit naman partner mo ang isang tao ay hindi din naman siya sa'yo. Magka-ibang indibidwal pa din naman kayo at kumpleto ka naman bago ka pa nagka-partner. Pero bakit ba isa sa mga natural na instincts natin ay angkinin ang taong gusto natin?

At bakit ba pilit tayong pinapaghanap ng mga puso natin ng kapareha? Para may makasama kapag malamig ang panahon? Para may karamay sa problema? Para may ka-share sa lungkot? Sa kumot? Para magka-anak at bumuo ng pamilya? Pano kung bading ka?

Bakit din ba kapag may nagugustuhan ka, kapag naaappreciate mo ang ganda ng bukangliwayway, may kulang. Kapag na-promote ka sa opisina at may pa-party para sa'yo, hindi lubos ang saya. Kapag naakyat mo ang Osmena Peak at nakita kung gaano kaganda ang kabundukan at kakahuyan, may hinahanap ka pa din. Hinahanap mo yung kamay na hahawak ng mahigpit sa iyo habang inaabangan ang pag-sikat ng araw. Hinahanap mo yung natatanging boses na bibigkas ng "congrats!" dahil balewala sa'yo ang congratulations ng iba. Hinahanap mo yung init ng katawan na papawi sa lamig ng hamog sa taas ng kabundukan. Hinahanap mo yung taong yun. Hinahanap mo siya dahil gusto mong kasama mo siya sa lahat ng magagandang pangyayari sa buhay mo.

Pero pa'no nga kung hindi nya piliing maging andun? Complicated daw kasi. Hindi siya yung tipong "pang-relationship". Ayaw ka lang nyang masaktan. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Kaya mo pa rin bang i-maintain ang intensity ng nararamdaman mo kahit alam mong walang magiging resulta? Walang kasiguraduhan?

Gumagawa lang ba tayo ng isang bagay para gawin din sa atin? Sabi nga sa kasabihan diba, "To give is to receive"? But can we really give without the thought of receiving?

Minamahal ba natin ang isang tao para mahalin din tayo? O minamahal natin sila dahil, wala lang, mahal lang talaga natin. Dahil sila ang napili ng ating subconscious na mga sarili para maging dahilan ng saya, lungkot, pangungulila at pagkabigo. Dahil wala tayong control sa damdamin natin. Dahil kahit buong hukbo na ng mga concerned na kapamilya at kaibigan ang gustong i-untog ang ulo natin sa pader, hindi mo pa din tatanggalin ang helmet mo. Dahil kahit bigyan na tayo ng paraan para makalimutan sila, we're still willing to hold on. Dahil ba tanga tayo? Dahil ba umaasa na mag-bago pa ang ihip ng hangin? Dahil ba yun lang ang dahil para maramdaman natin na buhay tayo?

Kaya mo bang magmahal nang hindi umaasang mamahalin ka din nya?

Mula sa pelikulang:  Somewhere I Have Never Traveled

Anong

Isang malaking kawalan sa mundo ang isang tulad mo.

Para sa akin, sa mga matatalik mong kaibigan, mga kamag-anak, estudyante at kapwa mo guro na sa isang paraan ay nabahagian mo ng piraso ng iyong buhay, mananatili ang lahat ng iyong ala-ala.

 Mananatili kang inspirasyon bilang isang taong nagsumikap sa kabila ng mga problemang lumalamon sa bawat isa sa atin.

 Mananatili kang inspirasyon bilang isang kaibigan na kahit kalian ay hindi nang-iwan ng kaibigan sa ere.

Mananatili kang inspirasyon bilang isang anak, kapatid, tito at apo na mapagmahal at ginawa ang lahat para mabigyan ng maayos na pamumuhay ang pamilya.

Mananatili kang inspirasyon sa mga nagging estudyante at kapwa guro mo bilang isang propesyunal na hindi ginawang dahilan ang kahirapan para lang magkaroon ng magandang edukasyon. 

Para sa taong minsang naging pinakamahalaga sa buhay ko, maligayang paglalakbay sa’yo at maraming salamat.

Gloom Shroom

I woke up unusually early today. Did my daily routine in preparing for work and was at the office by six. My work starts at 8am. I practically did no work until 10 am and when I pushed myself into beginning my work for the day, I just can't seem to complete any of them. My mind is just everywhere to be productive.

I'm in gloom, apparently. I don't know exactly why.

Maybe I've been longing for Nurse for too long that it already took its toll. He never got out of my mind ever since. All my number's blocked in his phone. I'm hopeless.

Maybe because I'm feeling the effects of living alone in a far place.

Maybe I'm feeling the pressure of standing on my own feet without financial assistance from my father. Which reminds me that I'm critically running low on dough and with the payday still a week ahead.

Maybe I just have so much work to do that I've been missing almost all of my deadlines.

Maybe because I have to lay off some of my workers.

Maybe because a couple of colleagues are not coming back to work after the Holy Week.

Maybe I'm longing to just touch someone passionately.


*sigh*

Paper and Ink

When you find someone special, your world suddenly becomes a world of firsts.

The first meeting.

The first dinner.

The first long midnight walk.

The first official date.

The first holding of hands.

The first kiss.

The first night.

The first future plan.

Everything is perfect.

But when it all gets taken away from you, without warning and reason, would you chase and fight for the thing that could've made you perfectly happy or would you just accept it and bask in the warmth of the perfectly happy memory you made with him?

I don't want to live my life not knowing why eveything disappeared in just a blink of an eye.


He did tell you his reasons. Don't you think this is just the universe telling you not to go on with him?


But I'd hate myself if I don't go out there and not give the universe a fight! I'd hate myself if I don't try and then eventually live all my life wondering what could've happened if I fought as hard as I could for something the universe brought into my life and made me care about deeply.


But do you really want to stain the happy and pure memory you have with him with all the complications of life and the fight for a potential relationship? Don't you want to have something to think about, years from now, that just makes you smile? Don't you want a memory without heartaches, goodbyes and sadness?

I Miss You

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real.

It was raining. We were cold and wet. The sky gave us a reason to spend the night together. I was happy.

To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold Utopian dream.

"I'm starting to love you". It was bliss hearing it from you.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

Yeah. I miss you. But I'm stripped of that luxury now.

I see you picture, I smell your skin
On the empty pillow next to mine.

I'm glad I took that time just staring at you. You're always smiling when I take a peek at you inside my mind. It makes me miss you even more. And why do I always smell your perfume from everyone?

You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away.

I'm pretty wasted. I'm always wasted.

I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon

I always see you in my dreams but I'm never sure if the Universe is ever going to let us cross paths again.

But I need you to know that I care and
I miss you.

I hope it still counts.

I Miss You by Incubus

Photo from here.

Burn Out Bright

What’s worse than someone you like finding that you talk about him in your blog and posting his faceless picture in it just a day before your birthday?

I guess it’s the fact that your on and off more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers status has been completely cut off from the power supply and that he now knows all about your dirty little secrets.

In a twisted way, it’s kind of flattering, him finding about my blog because that just means there’s enough interest to research about me. And also in a twisted way, it’s good that he knows who’s he really dealing with. Though it cost the severing of all our ties.

So, the birthday lunch date is off along with all those  little future somethings.

I didn’t really think about it but posting blurred photos of your dates for the amusement of yourself and others is really a bad idea that’s why I’ve taken them all down. I guess that’s just karma for me.
 

The thing is, the Universe have been constantly reminding me to let him be even before the big reveal happened. But I’m really a stubborn kid so that’s my fault too. So, I got slapped in the face and kicked in the butt in return.

On a good note, I’ve met some great friends here in Cebu. The first group of straight people who kind of know that I’m gay. Well, I’ve been hanging around a gay forum before I joined their group and they can definitely see my posting history and I’m not trying hide it. I don’t know if they’ll believe it or not since they didn’t seem to  have any inklings when I met with them during our Sinulog event (which was tiring but so much fun!) but it's just a matter of time until they piece things together. I'd like to see how that event would go.

There’s also the part about my work. I finally got in a good construction company here in Cebu who’s paying me more than what I’ve expected. I’m just a few days old here but I wouldn’t wanna mess this one up because I like the environment and the people.

I’m back on track but honestly, I still don’t know where I’m going even though all I have to do is follow the road where I am at. For now, all I can do is to just count my blessings and smell the flowers as I go.

 photo from here

It's Really More Fun in the Philippines

In support of DOT's new tourism campaign, I did some #itsmorefuninthePhilippines photos just like in their ads and I don't care if it's the same catch phrase from Switzerland (from f*cking 1950's, people! 1950's!), the idea is very witty and very different. What I like about it is that it presents us with boundless possibilities for the ad and lets the netizens get involved in the campaign.

I did three photos. Sorry for the low quality. I only used MS Paint and I have very limited photos.

Automatic Tubig Machine. Dispenses cold water every P1.00

Saw these cute twins in SM Calamba sporting the same mohawks!

Okay, this one, I got from the net. This is the famous puso (hanging rice) which originated from Cebu.

Whanna learn how to make yours too? Click here.

It Gets Better

This song fom Bruno Mars speaks volumes and it will definitely be my 2012 song. All the heartaches, heart breaks, lies, deceits, failures, stupidity, passivity, disappointments... I'm leaving them behind. Great song for a new year. Thanks MKL for sharing!

There are some things in life that don’t go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can’t dwell on these because you’ll miss out on other opportunities. Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have bad life. Without bad days, how would you be able to know what a good day is like? You have to believe that when things are bad, you can change them. Things will get better for you. You should be alive to see them. =)

-WisdomQuotes

Today My Life Begins

I've been working hard so long
Seems like pain has been my only friend
My fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone
And I've learn how to leave it where it is
And I see that I was wrong
For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me i can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's to short to have regrets
So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget
We only have one life to live
So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins...

Perfect Strangers

Scene from the movie "From Beginning to End"

Are you and PJ partners?

He nodded weakly. The direct sourness of my question have clearly unsettled him. His face didn't know how to react. It showed of guilt but was trying to put up a small smile like how someone would automatically blow into a newly acquired wound even though it really does nothing to heal it or keep the pain away.

And you have a girlfriend?

He was silent. Staring into nothingness that is the roughly paved concrete on the ground. I felt my head rush with blood. PJ was right. Everything he told me was the truth. All along I thought his revelations were mere fabrications of a jealous third wheel. I was the third wheel and I never felt so stupid in my entire life.

Then why?

Why what?

Why do you still have sex with other guys? Why do you still have sex with guys if you already have a girl friend? And with PJ acting as if he's some kind of pimp?

It was supposed to be a threesome. Me, PJ, Bryan. PJ was really my contact but was caught up at work that's whay he set me up with Bryan instead. He was like a middle man. Bryan and I contacted each other through him. Later, I found out that this was how they mostly set things up. Bryan never gave his number to anyone. He said he'd try to catch up but his call center work spits him out on the wee hours of the morning. I never got to meet him. I never did want to meet him. Because when I met Bryan, I only wanted him.

Chinito. Fair. Very manly. Older. Chubby. Those are the perfect ingredients for my poison. A  poison that turns my knees into jelly. Fills my stomach with butterflies. Makes my heart pound like a blacksmith's hammer, and clouds my judgment like a drop of black ink in a vial of clear water. It was death. And it was a death that I gladly revelled in.

We had sex. Tha was the plan. He was a power bottom and wanted to be fucked hard, or so that's what PJ told me in our text conversations. And I believed him. So I did. As hard and as wild as I could. It was all animal instict, bereft of humanity.

But that wasn't my style. Cold, Heartless sex that only views the partner as a sex object and only longs for self satisfaction. I like to give warmth. Security. Sense of belongingness and satisfaction to whoever I chose to have sex with. Even for just a night. But that giving some of myself up opens my heart a little bit, exposing it to emotions that could be dangerously infectuous.

I felt guilty and offered my warm, passionate self to him. This time looking at him with eyes that sees him as a person. With those, I saw his resemblance with Hale's Champ. Only with a lot more meat. His smiles bring out two gorgeous dimples and make his eyes sparkle, definitely imitating a smile. The wild sex was replaced with long talks, passionate kissing, tight embraces and holding of hands. We took turns massaging each other's backs. Teased each other like kids. We laid in bed with my left arm on his back and his head on my chest. Our naked bodies kept each other warm against the cold of the rainy night.

I knew I was dead.

It's complicated.

How is that complicated? How is being a slutty son-of-a-bitch complicated? And there I was. Talking as if I'm not a slutty son-of-a-bitch myself.

It's just sex. He said softly. Almost a whisper, almost ashamed.

I was trying to control my emotion. Anger. Longing. Yeah. Sex. Because a girl can't fuck your ass with her vagina!

Because I am a mess, okay. Because everything in my life is fucked up. I am fucked up! He said aloud. Emotions welling up. I knew it was hard for him to admit that. His words cut himself like a blade through the wrist. I felt how it stung him. It was a good thing it's too early for people to be out that morning.

Why did you say you like me? That you'd miss me terribly? That you'd love to visit me sometime and just chat about some stuffs?

Because I did. I do. He said sincerely.

There was silence.

I laughed at myself in my thoughts. Here I am. Begging someone to explain to me his affections from a moment of a one night stand. How stupid was that? Something that starts with sex can never be something else other than something about sex. I was supposed to know that.

My eyes left the wall it has been staring at blankly and turned my head to face Bryan who was already looking at me with his sad, glassy eyes. Our eyes met. I smiled. It was a smile of someone who has been hurt but who also has been made happy. It was bittersweet. And I knew it only had one ending.

I know you do. And I know you can't. And I know I shouldn't.

We knew there and then that even if our hearts desired it, it was not meant to be. We knew that at that moment, we are destined to travel two different roads. And with that, I turned my back and walked along the path the Universe laid out before me.

If he stayed there at the alley and watched me dissappear amongst the crowd that the morning sunlight have then stirred up, I'll never know.


Let's just keep it simple
In the AM it's goodbye
The syrup's so much sweeter
When you let the butterfly

So spread your wings and go
It's better not to know
What I'm gonna miss
I'll remember your kiss

We are passing trains
We are whiplash lovers
We are burning wax,
Melting all over each other

We could be perfect strangers,
Let's spend tonight.

We could be perfect strangers,
Hello, would look in my eyes?

Everyone wants you
But nobody knows
That you're all alone inside

We could be perfect strangers.
Thank you for spending one night with me.

Perfect Stangers, INXS

100th post.

Airport Cutie: Gray Encounter

SPOTTED:

Where: NAIA Terminal 3

When: Dec. 26, 2011 3:15AM

What: I don't know if he's in for a domestic or international flight.

YUMMYGRAPHY

Small. About 5'0"- 5'5". But what he lacks in height, he more than makes up in the looks department. My camera didn't really give justice to him. He's more good looking in person.

Seems to be from the sheltered part of the community. Sports nice, quality, and branded garments with a touch of metrosexuality (carries an extra neon green shoulder bag, tight knee-long shorts and white shirt (when he's not wearing the jacket).

Now, this is me hoping we're on the same flight!

*crosses fingers*















- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Taguig Cutie: Mr. Smiley

Okay. So, I am now in Manila for the holidays and that means I'm supposed to help tend our hardware store while I'm available. I never really liked it because I always get soiled. The only redeeming factor it has that makes it bearable for me is the multitude of cute astig guys that I get to see and speak (flirt) with. I got a chance to see some of my long time crushies today! Some would be customers. Palengke boys. Market-venturing Daddies (a total turn-on). Handsome passerby's and kanto boys like our scoop for the day. Our store is just in front of a mini dry market and the main road.

SPOTTED

Where: Somewhere in Taguig City

When: Dec. 23, 2011

What: Buying cigarettes

YUMMYGRAPHY

Wearing just a shirt and a boxer. Probably just came out of bed. Sexy bedroom look!

Very astig and cute.

Smiles dreamily.




















- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Karmic Infidels (Part 1)

What the fuck am I doing?!

He asked himself angrily. His heart is beating fast. He can feel his blood rushing troughout his body like a flash flood determined to wash away all his rationality and self control.

They are both slouched at the corner of the bed, their backs against the wall, and just inches away from each other's skin.

Pheromones have been filling up the air for an hour now. The room's atmosphere is thick with sex and attraction that breathing it could choke his awareness the moment he succumbs to his body's need for carnal satiation.

The flirting phase of the game was clearly over. Mar moved down. His body now comfortably rests in the bed but his head is still on the wall, his hands cushioning it against the hardness. His eyes, closed. Lips, wet. Mar's turn was up.

He's waiting for my move.

He knew this wasn't supposed to happen. He always stood for what's right and what's fair. He lived by the Golden Rule. But all of it were just rational talks. He is a fraud. He never thought he could be this weak against real temptation. He underestimated it like he underestimated a lot of things in his life lately. Now he is seeing temptation for what it really is. Sly. Deceptive. Manipulative. Dangerous, and it feeds on his weakness.

Kind. Stocky. Fair. Discreet. Older. That should've been only five counts. Why did I let myself get tangled in this situation with someone that has a sixth that says "in a long distance relationship"?

Photo frome here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Gaya ng Dati

May mahal ka ba ngayon?


Pwedeng kasama mo siya. Pwedeng mahal mo lang pero hindi naman kayo.

Ano nga ba 'yung ginagawa mo para sa taong 'yan?

What do you do everyday para hindi ka iwan?

O baka may ginagawa ka na pala, hindi man araw-araw, para mawala siya.

Nakakainis no?

Sometimes when we finally find that person na gusto nating makasama forever, yung tipong alam mong siya na, yung tipong he's the one, ang nakakapikon na part ay yung pag natagpuan mo na siya, we still do things na pwedeng maging dahilan ng pagka wala nila sa atin.

We do things to push that person away. Sinasadya man or we're just being ourselves, minsan iniisip natin, hindi ba dapat tanggap tayo kung sino tayo?

Well, that's nice. 'Yung matanggap tayo kung ano yug pagkatao natin pero sa kabilang banda, compromise is everything.

It's OK na sabihin mo sa partner mo na mahalin mo ako kung ano ako but sometimes, we must learn to adjust.

Kailangan, you make that person love you pero bigyan mo siya ng dahilan para maramdaman at gawin 'yun. Maintenance, ika nga.

Hmm.. bakit hindi mo ibalik ang dati?

Gumawa ka ng paraan na ang tanging hangarin mo lang kapag may ginawa kang effort para sa kanya ay hindi para puriin ka kundi para kiligin siya.

Do it.

And do it everyday.

Karmic Infidels (Part 2)

But it was too late to ponder about his thoughts of right or wrong. The snake of sin has already bared it's fangs and easily pierced through his armor of weak virtues. The poison spread through his veins rapidly as if his body has been longing for it for centuries. It badly wanted the short burst of ecstasy it will be experiencing after the release. It was down to it's basic level of desire. It was in control.

He shifted his body to face Mar. His face was a play of shadows and shapes in the room's dim light. His full red lips was undeniably ready for the descent of his. Down across his body, a beast wants to be let out. It spoke to him. Im yours for the taking.

He waited half a dozen seconds before he had the courage to lean towards Mar. He smelled his sweet breath briefly, and then found himself pulling back. But not entirely. That was his last remaining ounce of morality eager to put this madness to stop. But just like an animal with a slit throat, that last struggle drained his conscience of all its life.

Another dozen seconds and this time he leaned more slowly and powerfully. And when his lips touched Mar's, he left all reasons behind.

You know this will eventually come back and bite you in the ass, right?

Yes. I know. I'd expect nothing less.

No. Believe me. You wouldn't. You'll pay when you least expect it and when you can't afford it. You've set something bad in motion and it's only a matter of time until the ripples reach you.

You really are a bitch, aren't you?

Yeah, honey. That's what you all losers call me.

False Memory Syndrome

Did I make you up?

He asked the tiny picture.

Did you ever exist as the person I longed for you to be?

He put the photo back in the secret pocket, snapped his wallet shut, and closed his hand around it, then sat on the edge of his small, flat bed, his loosely clenched hands to his temples. He felt the ring on his left hand. It was their couple's ring. It puzzled him how something that symbolizes everything warm and fuzzy could suddenly become rough and cold to the touch.

He closed his eyes and commanded his memories.

One kiss that he had initiated as an expression of his affection to me rather than the other way around.

One openhanded touch that was pure affection and nothing else.

One word of praise or affection, unhinged by sarcasm.

One hug that was brought by the joy of seeing me after a long time and not because I asked for it.

One date that he planned just to let me know that he want to be out and about doing fun activities with me.

One day with the bestfriends where I don't magically become non-existent in their presence.

He was certain there had been such moments, but he could not call one to the forefront of his mind.

He lowered his hand and looked at the closed wallet he still clutched and the silver ring on his finger.

Throw the ring away. Burn the photo.

No. He couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. Not yet. But he would not keep the photo in his wallet's secret pocket, nor sleep with it under his pillow and he would not wear the ring anymore. He’d set them aside, where he wouldn’t see them by accident. He would put them with the other mementos that now shamed him.


photo frome here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Tabula Rasa

Hindi ba nakakatawa kung pano'ng hindi natin sini-seryoso ang mga cliché na kasabihan kahit ilang daang beses na silang labas-masok sa mga tenga natin?

Kung kailan lang nararanasan ang mga ito saka lang sila tumatak sa ating mga utak. Sa mga pagkakataong iyon lang natin nakikita ang mga gintong aral sa likod ng mga paulit-ulit at nakaka-rinding mga salita.

P4,120.00

'Yan ang budget ko habang naghahanap ng trabaho dito sa Cebu. Wala pa sa kalahati ng allowance ko ng isang buwan. Para sa pagkain, renta, pamasahe at mga ekstra na gastusin. Inutang ko pa ang P2,000.00 kay Ex#4 at ang sobra ay tira-tira sa nakaraang allowance ko. Dahil sa hiya, hindi na ako humingi sa tatay ko ng pera at gusto ko ring matutong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa.

Marami din palang magandang naidudulot ang mawalan ka ng bagay na dati meron ka. Mas nabibigyan mo nang pagpapahalaga ang mga simpleng bagay na dati ay hindi mo pansin at mas marami kang pagkakataon na maging matatag.

Ngayon, laking pasasalamat ko na dahil kahit kailangan ko nang mag tipid ay sapat pa din naman ang bilang ng pag kain ko araw-araw. May pang-load pa ako at pang internet. Iniiwasan ko na nga lang na pumunta ng mga malls habang wala pa akong nahahanap sa trabaho.

Matagal ko nang sinasabi sa mga kaibigan ko tuwing ang kabuhayan ng mga pamilya namin ang nagiging paksa ng mga usapan na ayokong umasa sa kung ano mang naipundar ng magulang ko. Gusto kong bumuo ng isang bagay na masasabi kong ako mismo ang naghirap.

Ayokong maging ipokrito at sabihing hindi ako masaya na may resources nang handa kong magamit sa oras na kailangan pero hindi naman kayamanan ang usapin dito at katulad ng sa relihiyon, naniniwala kasi ako na mas maganda kung ikaw mismo ang maghahanap ng kabuluhan sa buhay mo sa panahon na marunong ka nang mag-isip ng kung ano ang tama at mali para sa sarili mo. Yung tipong back to zero. Clean slate. Ikaw mismo ang bubuo sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay mo at hindi yung tatanggapin mo na lang kung ano ang nakagisnan mo o ang ibinigay sa iyo ng ibang tao.

Sa ganoong paraan mas magiging masaya ka dahil ikaw mismo ang may hawak ng manibela ng buhay mo. Ikaw ang bahala kung saan ka pupunta dahil alam mo kung saan ka magiging maligaya.

Turning Point

So the results are out and yeah, I didn't make it.

I'm not really sure if I was shocked or was already expecting not to see my name on the list of passers. I guess I never really gave my best during those six months of parent-financed review here in Cebu. There's also the case of over confidence. I trusted heavily on the numbers I was getting in my review exams and the way I was constantly yapping about them on FB and Twitter just makes me a very big airbag. I'm blaming this all on my imaginary evil twin!

Seriously, I feel sorry for those guys who were really rooting for me to pass especially my parents. I don't know how was I able to let the best people in the world down. All those support and trust down the drain. Damn. I really am a jerk. But the important thing is that these people still haven't given up on me. That's why they are the best and I'm very lucky to have them.

Just like what they say, "True failure is remaining where you have fallen.", so I won't beat myself down about it anymore.

Afterall, it's not all bad.

I decided to remain here in Cebu to look for work and to continue my (self)review. Well, it's not really a decision per se but it's something that just came so naturally that I didn't really use any brain cells up. Like going with the river's flow.

I'll be travelling the road of redemption.

In a place far from home and I know no one. By myself. By my own means and without my father's money. It's scary but it is full of possibilities.

This is my turning point.


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Skull Boy and AF Elephant

One of my dream businesses is the T-Shirt Design/Printing business. I've drawn some designs and concepts but the whole thing is pretty much inside my head until I saw a Sharpie fabric marker at National Bookstore the other day. I always wanted to have one eversince some TV magazine show featured AnalogSoul, an establishment who uses Sharpie markers to hand-draw their designs into bags, shirts and shoes! They are one of my inspirations.






Okay, so I bought one for about P50+. I was looking for other colors but they only have black ones.

Anyways, with the Sharpie and an old white shirt, here's my first venture in my T-Shirt business! I did it in between studying (read: when bored) and just drew whatever came into my head that time.

Here is Skull Boy





And AF Elephant. This isn't my original design. I just saw it somewhere and liked it so much. Credit to the original artist, whoever you are. What's AF, you say? You'll figure it out! Haha.






So here they are.










I drew the elephant first thinking that the side I am using is the front. I had to draw skull boy in the front to balance it out. I could've done more with some colors.

(:


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Under the Storm (Finale)

One of his hands suddenly grabbed a fistful of Gab's shirt right below his throat. The other shifted to a grip on the hair of the top of his head. Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's, his lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer. Gab had been too astonished to struggle, even as Gino shifted his grip and pulled his body tight against his own. A sudden heat rushed through him, a lust he could not conceal or deny. Gino's mouth tasted of liquor and his cheek, though shaven, scraped against Gab's when he tried to pull away from him.

Gab gasped for breath, smothered between the kiss and the truth of how badly he wanted this. He put his hands against Gino's chest and pushed but could put no strength into the rejection. Gino held him easily and his deep quiet chuckle at Gab's feeble struggle vibrated through them, chest to chest.

Gino finally broke the kiss but continued to press himself tightly against Gab. He spoke by his ear. “Don't worry. Struggle as much as you think you should, or need to. I won't let you win. It's going to happen to you. Just as you always dreamed it would. Someone just needs to take a firm hand with you.”

“Let me go, man! Are you mad or drunk?” Gab's voice wavered uncertainly. The wind blew harder but he scarcely felt it. Gino effortlessly pinned his arms to his side. He was taller and stronger and he lifted Gab, not quite off his feet but in a way that let him know he could. He pressed his body against him and spoke through clenched teeth. “Neither mad nor drunk, Gab. Just more honest than you are. I don't have to ask 'What do you want, please, sir?' It was written all over your face as you stared at the happy couple. It wasn't the bride you were lusting after. It was Marcus. Well, who wouldn't? Such a handsome fellow. But you'll never have him now and neither will I. So perhaps we should settle for what we can have.” and pulled him close.

“I didn't,” Gab started to lie. “I don't know . . .” Then Gino's mouth descended again, kissing him deeply and roughly, bruising his lips until Gab gave in and opened them to him. He made a small, involuntary noise and Gino laughed into his open mouth. Then suddenly, he broke the embrace and stepped back from Gab. He nearly fell. Gab stumbled back from Gino, and the night grove of trees seemed to swing around him in a wide circle dance. He lifted the back of his hand to his mouth, tasted the salt of blood from his stinging lips. “I don't understand,” he said faintly.

“Don't you?” Gino smiled again. “I think you do. All of this will be easier when you admit you do.” He stepped closer to him and Gab did not retreat. Gino reached for him again and he did not flee. Gino's hands were hard and strong and knowing as he seized him and pulled him close.

The storm swept around them, making the trees bow and dance, but the cold couldn't reach them. Both of their bodies were radiating heat q The deep bed of needles in the darkness beneath the low-swooping pinetree branches had smelled sweet when they were crushed beneath their weight. The darkness of the sky and the swaying lush plants had covered them both perfectly like conniving parties to a secret affair. Time and family and the expectations of the rest of the world were blown away by the storm's breath.

The End.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (3rd part)

“What would you like me to say?” Gab felt trapped. Was the man mocking him or trying to be friendly with him? His conversations are now dangerously playing at the fine line between taunting and friendliness.

“That would be good. Yes. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

It took him a moment to analyze it in his mind. When he spoke, the words came smoothly, but Gino shook his head and made a sad mouth. “Oh, dear. Not like that. You need to open your mouth more. They're a very voluble people.”

“What?”

“Say it again, but open your mouth more. Purse your lips out.”

It was pure mockery. Gab was certain of it now. He made his words brisk. “I'm cold. I'm going back inside now.”

But as he strode past him, Gino's hand had shot out suddenly and gripped Gab's left shoulder. He tugged him sharply, spinning the smaller man so that Gab almost collided with him.

“Say it again.” he urged him pleasantly. “In any language you like. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

His fingers were biting into Gab's shoulder right through the formal shirt he donned for the occasion. Gab tried to squirm away.

“Let go! What do you want?” Gab demanded, but Gino had responded by seizing his other shoulder. He gave a sudden jerk that nearly pulled Gab off his feet. They were suddenly chest to chest, with Gino staring down into Gab's face.

“What do I want? Hmm. Not quite the same as asking me what I would like, but it will do. You should be asking what you want for yourself, Gab. I wonder if you've ever dared to ask that question, let alone answer it. Because the answer is very plain to me. You want this.”

Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's. His lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer.


To be continued..



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb