Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Finding My True North (Part 3 of 3)

So, given those opportunities, it was the best time to resign from work, battle my inner demons, review and retake the board exam. It was just all perfect. The timing. The events. The spiritual awareness. The personal growth. The professional knowledge.

But not before I resisted everything that's been happening. I guess it's human nature. Rebellion. Always going the other way. Always insisting what he wants. Not wanting to be led by something unknown. Or maybe I was just afraid of change. Afraid that after risking everything I have, I might screw it up. It was a big decision. I needed a sign.

So I tried to be better at work but just couldn't take sucking it up to the higher ups. Problems in my field are still the bitchiest. And worse, they kept on having puppies!

I tried to meet up with some guys but we really only wanted to be sucking each other's dicks. The ones that spark with me lead very complicated lives so we can't really hit it off at the moment.

I tried to do the forgive-and-forget crap with my former spark but it turned out to be far more complicated than that. So I ended up not acknowledging his presence on a get together with friends I invited him into. And him ending up on my blocked list and everyone strongly connected to him on my unfriend list.

I tried to block out my dad's constant ramblings about the board exam but he's right and he's paying, so he won over.

Then it was over. I knew exactly why I could never do all of those things. I was not supposed to. It was life telling me what I should be doing and where I should be doing it.

And so, just like the good boy I am not, I went with its flow. Not resisting even the tiniest bit.

Why Cebu?

Because it was where I wanted to be all along. I thought the decision was based on my dad's original plan of sending me here the first time around but my first day here was a revelation. A memory of my fifth grade art project came bursting into my thoughts. Drawn using oil pastel on a one-fourth sized illustration board, it was a city filled
with restaurants, malls, stores and movie houses. Then surrounding it is the deep blue sea with fishermen scattered across to experience its abundant produce. Not far away are the mountains. Green and shrouded by white clouds. It was supposed to be the place where I ideally want to live in.

When the memory faded, there I was, sitting at the back of a van my father's friend owns. Crossing the bridge from Mactan to Mandaue. Overlooking Cebu City and its neighbors. Mesmerized by the waves of blue surrounding it. Calmed by the green mountains that protect it.

I have never felt this sure about anything in my life before.

It was my sign.

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines


Mike said...

naks! goodluck on your new 'chapter' and i hope you will be a full-fledged engineer when we see each other again. :)

odin hood said...

sa cebu na rin kaya ako mag review? hahaha

Blakrabit said...

@mike: I will be!!
@odin: halika na sis! I now you'll like it here! haha!