Finding My True North (Part 3 of 3)

So, given those opportunities, it was the best time to resign from work, battle my inner demons, review and retake the board exam. It was just all perfect. The timing. The events. The spiritual awareness. The personal growth. The professional knowledge.

But not before I resisted everything that's been happening. I guess it's human nature. Rebellion. Always going the other way. Always insisting what he wants. Not wanting to be led by something unknown. Or maybe I was just afraid of change. Afraid that after risking everything I have, I might screw it up. It was a big decision. I needed a sign.

So I tried to be better at work but just couldn't take sucking it up to the higher ups. Problems in my field are still the bitchiest. And worse, they kept on having puppies!

I tried to meet up with some guys but we really only wanted to be sucking each other's dicks. The ones that spark with me lead very complicated lives so we can't really hit it off at the moment.

I tried to do the forgive-and-forget crap with my former spark but it turned out to be far more complicated than that. So I ended up not acknowledging his presence on a get together with friends I invited him into. And him ending up on my blocked list and everyone strongly connected to him on my unfriend list.

I tried to block out my dad's constant ramblings about the board exam but he's right and he's paying, so he won over.

Then it was over. I knew exactly why I could never do all of those things. I was not supposed to. It was life telling me what I should be doing and where I should be doing it.

And so, just like the good boy I am not, I went with its flow. Not resisting even the tiniest bit.

Why Cebu?

Because it was where I wanted to be all along. I thought the decision was based on my dad's original plan of sending me here the first time around but my first day here was a revelation. A memory of my fifth grade art project came bursting into my thoughts. Drawn using oil pastel on a one-fourth sized illustration board, it was a city filled
with restaurants, malls, stores and movie houses. Then surrounding it is the deep blue sea with fishermen scattered across to experience its abundant produce. Not far away are the mountains. Green and shrouded by white clouds. It was supposed to be the place where I ideally want to live in.

When the memory faded, there I was, sitting at the back of a van my father's friend owns. Crossing the bridge from Mactan to Mandaue. Overlooking Cebu City and its neighbors. Mesmerized by the waves of blue surrounding it. Calmed by the green mountains that protect it.

I have never felt this sure about anything in my life before.

It was my sign.

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Finding My True North (Part 1 of 3)

... or in this case, my True South.




It's been a month now since I first arrived here in the Queen City of the South to review for my board exam.

When friends ask me why, of all places, I chose to be exiled in this far flung city of Cebu when there is a plethora of civil engineering review centers proliferating in the busy streets of Manila, I just say, "I needed to escape a bitter past."

While it's not a lie, it's not the complete truth either. I just do it to give it a bit of drama and avoid long explanations. I'm never good at explanations. And I'm too lazy to give one. Three birds with one stone.

It was my failed relationship that gave me that final push to move way, waaaay down south. It was my kick-in-the-butt. And I am still bitter about that part.

Well, thinking about it, I have been following that direction my entire life. Makati. Taguig. Paranaque. Las Pinas. Muntinlupa. Laguna. Places that have chunks of my past. And now, Cebu. All to the south.

Anyways, those were just a part of a grand scheme of events that the universe set in motion to get me here.

Yes. The Universe.

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Carinderia Cutie #1

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Cebu City

One Hot Summer Weekend

As much as I'd like to post something intellectually deep and heart warming, my review schedule just won't let me.

Yeah, I'm reviewing for my board exam here in Cebu. Why I chose to be this far south is on a later article which I promise to post probably this weekend.

Anyways, to keep you guys occupied for the moment is another eye candy from our Laguna trip with my ex-collegues last May.

This cutie was spotted in the footwear capital of Laguna, the town of Liliw.































































- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Mcdo-licious

We were on a trip to Nagcarlan, Laguna with my ex-officemates last May 14 and I just lost my wallet pero parang wala lang dahil nakita ko sya! Yes, iindahin ko ang lungkot in the name of kalandian! Bigla tuloy ako napabili kahit wala na akong pera makunan ko lang siya at ma-share sa inyong lahat and gusto ko din kasing sumunod sa mga yapak ng greatest-voyeur-of-them-all, si Miss Chuni!
























































































- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Sta. Cruz, Laguna

The Places We Should Have Gone

Wong Fu Production's Strangers, Again have been on the top of my Top Breakup Videos for weeks during my first month off my last relationship but only their The Places We Should Have Gone got me crying because it was so close to my reality.

I liked how this beautifully made short film's ending was open ended and is subjected to the viewers' interpretation.

So, what do you guys think happened in the end?









 As for me, Becky moved on.

"We often want second chances. Sometimes we don't deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes."

*disclaimer*

quote and video are from here

Foreman

Kung hindi lang ako magreresign, ako ang magiging boss ng bagong yummy foreman namin! He'll be under me, literally. Chos!

Napapakagat labi na lang ako.





Ang cute nya lang mag smile.



Ang cute nya ring mag smile in side view.




*water* *water*





Buti nalang hindi eskandalosong kumuha ng video ang iPT4. Ahihihi.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Strangers, Again

We were in his room. 

Though we've seen each other a couple of times in gatherings with friends, it was actually the first time we met, as lovers.

I still remember how tidy his room was. It was a far cry from my dumpster. With bright polished floor, I was hesitant to drag my shoes in. Afraid that I might bring in some dirt from outside but he said it was ok.

The AC was on max, I guess... or was I just nervous because my hands were freezing the moment I stepped inside? We'll be attending a Christmas Party later that night with friends so he was preparing. I went and sat at the right side of his couch as I wait. There wasn't really so much talking that time. I guess we were both nervous and speechless.

"Okay ka lang diyan? Patabi." 

Finally, no more awkward, silent, waiting moments. I was relieved to hear him speak but my heart pounded tremendously as I realized the implications of those words. I was caught off guard. Part of me wanted to feel his warmth but another was afraid that if he saw me closer, he'll realize how imperfect I am.

But it didn't matter to him. He put his left arm around my shoulder and his right grabbed my waist, locking me in a soft but passionate embrace. I can feel his warm body but I was frozen. I couldn't move. I don't want to move. I was afraid that a flick of a finger or a blink or an inhale might ruin the moment. My stomach was filled with butterflies and my heart was pounding as fast and as loud like it has never been this alive before.

He moved his head closer to mine. His sweet breath sending me closer to euphoria.Then with a soft push, his lips touched mine. I could literally feel the electricity travel from my lips to my spine. It was heaven It was our first..

"He was my unicorn. Unbelievable. Crazy special. The guy I thought could never exist. It was a dream come true. The guy I wanted to be with so so badly, was finally mine." 

My last two entries were cryptic but I know you guys have figured it out. RT and I are no longer together for about a month now. The past weeks have been tough. Break ups are never easy for both parties and I would just like to say that it was a mutual decision. There were no aggrieved parties and no victims.I guess when you really love the person, you have to do what's right even if it calls for hardship and sacrifice. I just got caught up in denial after that's why It took me some time to tell a friend. 

I never really fully understood this until recently but I know life is leading us into taking separate paths. It's telling us that we have these journeys that we have to take alone in order to become better individuals. The universe have gone into too much trouble just to conspire with the events that will lead us where we are now, so whatever we have to do alone must have a great importance in our lives and no matter how far we go down our roads, I know that our paths will cross again eventually.

 

 "I think that, if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time... and I'll be thankful for that... and I hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that's the best we could wish for." 

**disclaimer**

photos are from here and here

quotes are from Strangers, Again

Hang Around

 All I want, really, is someone who will hang around. A guy who just really loves.... to be with me. I never imagined it would be this hard.

You find people like Randy who is on the same wavelength as you are but is emotionally unavailable and cold to even feel your warmth.

You then meet an Oliver who shares the same interests you do but is too egoistically self centered so you can never really call him yours.

There was a Warren who could love you with all his heart but the wall he built around himself, to be invulnerable, is just too strong even for him to break free no matter how hard he tries.

You venture into a gamble, risking friendship with Edison, but the vast field of differences really do get to you at some point and the friendship lost.

You try to connect with Larry  who says he wants someone serious but finds out later that he's got commitment and personal issues and just couldn't afford to share his life with you.

Then you hit it off with Lawrence who was very sweet in the beginning. But then, promises of him making up for the things you do never happened, inconsistencies accompany his romantic gestures and eventually, his sparks started dying out on you 

Then after everything that happened, you try to kid and play around yourself but what happens when you get tired? Yeah, what happens when you get tired?

What was all the pain for?
Well, hell if I know
And how much do I have in store?
Hell if I know now, I just don’t know

So true like you’re holding onto something
Like you’ve been in love with me for centuries

Singing hang around for me
You’ve got to hang around for me
If I’m gonna hang around for you

-Hang Around by Gregory Douglass, Shelter

**disclaimer**

this post was inspired by an article by marvinjammin

photos were from Gay Male Couples 
Yes, those are guys from my past. Not in chronological order. Not their real names.

Minus

I got lost and it didn't end up great. It wasn't a happy ending.. but, it was just a storybook. It was just a story with a sad ending, not real. No one's got any idea. But if people know and they see how devastated I am - then it's real! And it did happen. I didn't mean to get so lost!