Ghost

It's okay to be a ghost. It has its pleasures. You're light, you float, you slip in and out unseen, there's no love to lose or burden to bear. You have so little to hold you down. You are free.

But something has changed. Now, the ghost is scared. He cannot float. He's heavy. He's flesh and blood. He must open doors. He can't slip away unseen. The ghost is sad. All those years invisible haunt him now. Why didn't he try? Or care? Or be? The ghost is happy, he is found. He is held and he is seen. The ghost is seen.

But just like what he is, he cannot mingle with the living. The ghost is just a shadow of someone who was once warm, full of life, happiness, of hope and future. The ghost is sad but the life he lived before is what made him who he is now, dead. He cannot try. He cannot care or be. He cannot be seen.

The Third Option

"You picked the wrong guy!" I angrily shouted.

Before getting his keys out, he turned around, surprised to hear my voice.  "Please, Mak."

"You picked the wrong guy." I repeated with heavy breathing. "You made a really, really bad choice."

And with my will no longer able to contain my emotions, I barraged him with fiery words like a dragon so intent in destroying a small village. "What were you thinking!? That guy?! The one who you always had a fight with!? The one who dropped you like a hot potato?! Are you kidding me?! Have you learned nothing about the last six years you were together!?"

He was about to open his mouth and try to talk but I didn't give him the chance. I didn't give him the chance because I know that the second I hear his voice, I'll be under his spell again and the wall of anger I tried so hard to build will just crumble the second my eyes meet his. I won't let him weaken me again so I just let every words that I've been pushing down crawl out of my lips. "You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You're going to regret this! And then there's nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do is get up there and start you're crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have with me." 

"Goodbye." and with all those emotions finally out, I turned my back and walked.

"Mak, wait." He said softly. His voice shaking with regret. 

My words hit him. If we had this confrontation three days ago, his words would've melted my heart. But everything I had was just drawn out already. I was doing this for myself. "Look, Ching, I am not here to win you. I'm here because I need to know that you know that you made the biggest mistake of your life."

Realizing that everything I said was true and that he's already waist deep on his own quicksand, he helplessly accepted his fate. "I know."

"Good." I mustered the last bit of my fake courage and anger just to say that word. It was a good thing I already turned my back. All the show I have put up would've been a flop if he saw my glassy eyes and the tears that have welled up, ready to trickle down my cheeks.

                                                             
That was the scene I have rehearsed a hundred times in my mind while following him to his place.

After weeks of avoing him and building up anger, I accidentally saw him after eating and decided to finally confront him.

But then his phone rang. It was his "Teddy Bear". His eyes got more chinky as his cheeks move up to accommodate a big smile. The dimple at the right side of his lips was too proud to show itself. And with a few throws of his head back as he laughs, he went inside his house.

He was happy.

And then it all just went away. That was it. In that moment I wasn't angry anymore. I could see that Ching was meant to be with another guy.

Sometimes, you think that the only choice is to swallow your anger or throw it into someone else's face, but there's a third option. You could let it go.
And only when you do that is it really gone and you could move forward.

And that, guys, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story.

It just wasn't mine.

Mine's still out there.

Waiting for me.

based on HIMYM

Under the Storm (Finale)

One of his hands suddenly grabbed a fistful of Gab's shirt right below his throat. The other shifted to a grip on the hair of the top of his head. Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's, his lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer. Gab had been too astonished to struggle, even as Gino shifted his grip and pulled his body tight against his own. A sudden heat rushed through him, a lust he could not conceal or deny. Gino's mouth tasted of liquor and his cheek, though shaven, scraped against Gab's when he tried to pull away from him.

Gab gasped for breath, smothered between the kiss and the truth of how badly he wanted this. He put his hands against Gino's chest and pushed but could put no strength into the rejection. Gino held him easily and his deep quiet chuckle at Gab's feeble struggle vibrated through them, chest to chest.

Gino finally broke the kiss but continued to press himself tightly against Gab. He spoke by his ear. “Don't worry. Struggle as much as you think you should, or need to. I won't let you win. It's going to happen to you. Just as you always dreamed it would. Someone just needs to take a firm hand with you.”

“Let me go, man! Are you mad or drunk?” Gab's voice wavered uncertainly. The wind blew harder but he scarcely felt it. Gino effortlessly pinned his arms to his side. He was taller and stronger and he lifted Gab, not quite off his feet but in a way that let him know he could. He pressed his body against him and spoke through clenched teeth. “Neither mad nor drunk, Gab. Just more honest than you are. I don't have to ask 'What do you want, please, sir?' It was written all over your face as you stared at the happy couple. It wasn't the bride you were lusting after. It was Marcus. Well, who wouldn't? Such a handsome fellow. But you'll never have him now and neither will I. So perhaps we should settle for what we can have.” and pulled him close.

“I didn't,” Gab started to lie. “I don't know . . .” Then Gino's mouth descended again, kissing him deeply and roughly, bruising his lips until Gab gave in and opened them to him. He made a small, involuntary noise and Gino laughed into his open mouth. Then suddenly, he broke the embrace and stepped back from Gab. He nearly fell. Gab stumbled back from Gino, and the night grove of trees seemed to swing around him in a wide circle dance. He lifted the back of his hand to his mouth, tasted the salt of blood from his stinging lips. “I don't understand,” he said faintly.

“Don't you?” Gino smiled again. “I think you do. All of this will be easier when you admit you do.” He stepped closer to him and Gab did not retreat. Gino reached for him again and he did not flee. Gino's hands were hard and strong and knowing as he seized him and pulled him close.

The storm swept around them, making the trees bow and dance, but the cold couldn't reach them. Both of their bodies were radiating heat q The deep bed of needles in the darkness beneath the low-swooping pinetree branches had smelled sweet when they were crushed beneath their weight. The darkness of the sky and the swaying lush plants had covered them both perfectly like conniving parties to a secret affair. Time and family and the expectations of the rest of the world were blown away by the storm's breath.

The End.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (3rd part)

“What would you like me to say?” Gab felt trapped. Was the man mocking him or trying to be friendly with him? His conversations are now dangerously playing at the fine line between taunting and friendliness.

“That would be good. Yes. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

It took him a moment to analyze it in his mind. When he spoke, the words came smoothly, but Gino shook his head and made a sad mouth. “Oh, dear. Not like that. You need to open your mouth more. They're a very voluble people.”

“What?”

“Say it again, but open your mouth more. Purse your lips out.”

It was pure mockery. Gab was certain of it now. He made his words brisk. “I'm cold. I'm going back inside now.”

But as he strode past him, Gino's hand had shot out suddenly and gripped Gab's left shoulder. He tugged him sharply, spinning the smaller man so that Gab almost collided with him.

“Say it again.” he urged him pleasantly. “In any language you like. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

His fingers were biting into Gab's shoulder right through the formal shirt he donned for the occasion. Gab tried to squirm away.

“Let go! What do you want?” Gab demanded, but Gino had responded by seizing his other shoulder. He gave a sudden jerk that nearly pulled Gab off his feet. They were suddenly chest to chest, with Gino staring down into Gab's face.

“What do I want? Hmm. Not quite the same as asking me what I would like, but it will do. You should be asking what you want for yourself, Gab. I wonder if you've ever dared to ask that question, let alone answer it. Because the answer is very plain to me. You want this.”

Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's. His lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer.


To be continued..



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (2nd part)

He turned in shock. He didn't imagine anyone else would be out in this weather. It was even more of a shock to realize that the man was Gino, and that he must have followed him. He must have been a part of the group of men by the door that he passed when he went out, he thought.

Gab knew his name and his reputation, but little more than that. The Manriques are one of the valued clients of their family owned company. Gab was also one of the engineers who headed the construction of their resort in Batangas and that's where he got acquainted with Gino who also supervised the project. The wealthy and popular young businessman moved in a social circle several notches higher than Gab's orbit. He wondered why he had followed him out into that weather. His long deep-blue cloak was nearly black in the dimming light. The collar was turned up high, framing his face.

“It's just rain. I came outside to clear my head of a little too much wine.” Gab said awkwardly.

Gino listened to him silently, head cocked mockingly. He raised his sculpted brows in a rebuke for his lie.

“I'm not crying, if that's what you're thinking.” Gab added defensively.


“Aren't you?"Gino came toward Gab through the trickling rain. It was definitely rain now. The trail of water have doused the tall man's dark hair.

“I saw you watching the happy couple and thought to myself, now there's a spurned lover, watching his dreams stroll off without him.”

Gab watched his approach warily. “I hardly know her,” he said. “Marcus was my immediate superior as well as mentor. I'm just here to wish him well.”

“As we all are,” Gino agreed smoothly. “Our dear friend Marcus enters a new stage of his life now. He takes on the duties of a husband. And his loving friends, though we wish him well, will see far less of him now.”

The light was waning from the sky and the shadows of the pine trees made the rainy summer afternoon even darker. The fading light took the colours with it. Gino's face was a study of planes and shadows. He was smiling. His narrow lips were chiselled into a fine smile as he asked him, “I'm assuming you're his replacement? I say it's about time your dad gave you a more meaty role in your company. ”

“I'm afraid so. It's unfortunate that they'll be migrating to Australia after the wedding. It's really a big loss for the company. He's our liason for our clients in Japan, where half of our big projects come from. He's sent there every month. He's the best and the clients like him and those are big shoes to fill. I hope I don't dissapoint Dad. That also means I have to learn to speak Nihonggo very well and without an accent. Apparently, that makes the Japanese clients happy and when they're happy, more work for us. Yay." Gab said sarastically before continuing."Marcus speaks it like a native and he's been teaching me ever since he broke the news .”

Gino has now stopped so close in front of him and not even an arm's length away. “Nihonggo?” His smile grew wider, baring even teeth. “I lived in Japan for a year after graduating from college. I believe that every one should know Nihonggo. With the way Japanese work and how fast their economy grows, they have a shot in winning a power struggle when Uncle Sam drops dead in the near future. I say that's a good enough reason to learn as much as we can about them. Not just their language, but their customs. A man can speak the language of a place, but if he lacks knowledge of the customs, he will always betray himself as a foreigner. And thus not be accepted. Global super power or not, they are still one of the top nations and we'd want favor from someone of their status. They could easily crush the man who competes with them. Not to mention that the Japanese have the tendency to keep whatever they have within their boarders and among themselves. It's hard to penetrate their market but if you do, that means great business! Don't you agree?”

“I suppose. Yes.” With his econo-political blabberings, the tall businessman is definitely drunk, Gab decided.

Gino had come close enough that Gab could smell the alcohol on his breath. His dark eyes roved over Gab's face in a disconcerting way. He licked his lips and said, “So. Let me hear your accent. Say something in Japanese.”

“What?”

“That's not Japanese.” Gino grinned. “Try again.”


To be continued..


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm

A storm was threatening, one that couldn't make up its mind between icy rain and strong rough blows of wind. The wind gusted and died, and then spat a spray of water again. The thick clouds were making late June afternoon into early evening.

He didn't care. He didn't even bother with his coat. He wanted to feel the wind on his face. He wanted to be cold. It would match his mood.

He left the shelter of the large porch of the Country Club, strolled past the line of waiting cars and well-bundled drivers. He went walking in the deepening twilight on the meticulously groomed grounds that surrounded the venue.

The garden was desolate and deserted since everyone were inside enjoying the party and taking shelter for the coming storm. It was full of flowering bushes, trees and vines but the real king of that big chunk of lot are the pine trees. Towering everything around them as their needle-like leaves are blown sharply by the unimpeded wind. The smell is what reminded him that he was in Baguio and that he should be enjoying his stay. But he couldn't.

Fallen leaves littered the gravel paths. He is well passed the area where someone could wander around and he could barely hear the merry makings of everyone in the party now. The trees and bushes were kind enough to offer him the solitude he needed. The howling of the wind from an impending storm and the gentle rustling of the leaves gave him the calm he couldn't get inside, sheltered and around those happy people.

There were quite a number of close standing trees at the edge of a herb garden that he passed by. There were eucalyptus and some he didn't know the names but mostly pines, it was Baguio afterall. He headed instinctively toward the protection of the grove. In the circle of their shelter, the wind could barely find him. He turned his eyes up to the cold stormy sky and tried to find a single star through the overcast. He couldn't. He lowered his face and wiped rain from his cheeks.

“Weeping at a wedding? What a sentimental fool you are.”

to be continued..
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb