Follow The Dark Rabbit

Paper and Ink

2012-02-04T16:50:00.000+08:00

When you find someone special, your world suddenly becomes a world of firsts.

The first meeting.

The first dinner.

The first long midnight walk.

The first official date.

The first holding of hands.

The first kiss.

The first night.

The first future plan.

Everything is perfect.

But when it all gets taken away from you, without warning and reason, would you chase and fight for the thing that could've made you perfectly happy or would you just accept it and bask in the warmth of the perfectly happy memory you made with him?

I don't want to live my life not knowing why eveything disappeared in just a blink of an eye.

He did tell you his reasons. Don't you think this is just the universe telling you not to go on with him?

But I'd hate myself if I don't go out there and not give the universe a fight! I'd hate myself if I don't try and then eventually live all my life wondering what could've happened if I fought as hard as I could for something the universe brought into my life and made me care about deeply.

But do you really want to stain the happy and pure memory you have with him with all the complications of life and the fight for a potential relationship? Don't you want to have something to think about, years from now, that just makes you smile? Don't you want a memory without heartaches, goodbyes and sadness?

I Miss You

2012-01-21T17:09:00.003+08:00

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didn't think could be real.

It was raining. We were cold and wet. The sky gave us a reason to spend the night together. I was happy.

To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold Utopian dream.

"I'm starting to love you". It was bliss hearing it from you.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

Yeah. I miss you. But I'm stripped of that luxury now.

I see you picture, I smell your skin
On the empty pillow next to mine.

I'm glad I took that time just staring at you. You're always smiling when I take a peek at you inside my mind. It makes me miss you even more. And why do I always smell your perfume from everyone?

You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away.

I'm pretty wasted. I'm always wasted.

I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon

I always see you in my dreams but I'm never sure if the Universe is ever going to let us cross paths again.

But I need you to know that I care and
I miss you.

I hope it still counts.

I Miss You by Incubus

Photo from here.

Burn Out Bright

2012-01-16T09:13:00.001+08:00

What’s worse than someone you like finding that you talk abouthim in your blog and posting his faceless picture in it just a day before yourbirthday?

I guess it’s the fact that your on and offmore-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers status has been completely cut offfrom the power supply and that he now knows all about your dirty little secrets.

In a twisted way, it’s kind of flattering, himfinding about my blog because that just means there’s enough interest toresearch about me. And also in a twisted way, it’s good that he knows who’s hereally dealing with. Though it cost the severing of all our ties.

So, the birthday lunch date is off along with all those little future somethings.

I didn’t really think about it but posting blurred photos ofyour dates for the amusement of yourself and others is really a bad idea that’swhy I’ve taken them all down. I guess that’s just karma for me.

The thing is, the Universe have been constantly reminding meto let him be even before the big reveal happened. But I’m really a stubborn kidso that’s my fault too. So, I got slapped in the face and kicked in the butt inreturn.

On a good note, I’ve met some great friends here in Cebu. Thefirst group of straight people who kind of know that I’m gay. Well, I’ve been hanging arounda gay forum before I joined their group and they can definitely see my postinghistory and I’m not trying hide it. I don’t know if they’ll believe it or notsince they didn’t seem to have anyinklings when I met with them during our Sinulog event (which was tiring but somuch fun!) but it's just a matter of time until they piece things together. I'd like to see how that event would go.

There’s also the part about my work. I finally got in a goodconstruction company here in Cebu who’s paying me more than what I’ve expected. I’mjust a few days old here but I wouldn’t wanna mess this one up because I likethe environment and the people.

I’m back on track but honestly, I still don’t know where I’mgoing even though all I have to do is follow the road where I am at. For now,all I can do is to just count my blessings and smell the flowers as I go.

photo from here

It's Really More Fun in the Philippines

2012-01-08T12:04:00.001+08:00

In support of DOT's new tourism campaign, I did some #itsmorefuninthePhilippines photos just like in their ads and I don't care if it's the same catch phrase from Switzerland (from f*cking 1950's, people! 1950's!), the idea is very witty and very different. What I like about it is that it presents us with boundless possibilities for the ad and lets the netizens get involved in the campaign.

I did three photos. Sorry for the low quality. I only used MS Paint and I have very limited photos.


Automatic Tubig Machine. Dispenses cold water every P1.00


Saw these cute twins in SM Calamba sporting the same mohawks!

Okay, this one, I got from the net. This is the famous puso (hanging rice) which originated from Cebu.

Whanna learn how to make yours too? Click here.

It Gets Better

2012-01-02T07:31:00.000+08:00

This song fom Bruno Mars speaks volumes and it will definitely be my 2012 song. All the heartaches, heart breaks, lies, deceits, failures, stupidity, passivity, disappointments... I'm leaving them behind. Great song for a new year. Thanks MKL for sharing!

There are some things in life that don’t go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can’t dwell on these because you’ll miss out on other opportunities. Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have bad life. Without bad days, how would you be able to know what a good day is like? You have to believe that when things are bad, you can change them. Things will get better for you. You should be alive to see them. =)

-WisdomQuotes

Today My Life Begins

I've been working hard so long
Seems like pain has been my only friend
My fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone
And I've learn how to leave it where it is
And I see that I was wrong
For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me i can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's to short to have regrets
So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget
We only have one life to live
So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins...

Perfect Strangers

2011-12-30T13:55:00.000+08:00

Scene from the movie "From Beginning to End"

Are you and PJ partners?

He nodded weakly. The direct sourness of my question have clearly unsettled him. His face didn't know how to react. It showed of guilt but was trying to put up a small smile like how someone would automatically blow into a newly acquired wound even though it really does nothing to heal it or keep the pain away.

And you have a girlfriend?

He was silent. Staring into nothingness that is the roughly paved concrete on the ground. I felt my head rush with blood. PJ was right. Everything he told me was the truth. All along I thought his revelations were mere fabrications of a jealous third wheel. I was the third wheel and I never felt so stupid in my entire life.

Then why?

Why what?

Why do you still have sex with other guys? Why do you still have sex with guys if you already have a girl friend? And with PJ acting as if he's some kind of pimp?

It was supposed to be a threesome. Me, PJ, Bryan. PJ was really my contact but was caught up at work that's whay he set me up with Bryan instead. He was like a middle man. Bryan and I contacted each other through him. Later, I found out that this was how they mostly set things up. Bryan never gave his number to anyone. He said he'd try to catch up but his call center work spits him out on the wee hours of the morning. I never got to meet him. I never did want to meet him. Because when I met Bryan, I only wanted him.

Chinito. Fair. Very manly. Older. Chubby. Those are the perfect ingredients for my poison. A poison that turns my knees into jelly. Fills my stomach with butterflies. Makes my heart pound like a blacksmith's hammer, and clouds my judgment like a drop of black ink in a vial of clear water. It was death. And it was a death that I gladly revelled in.

We had sex. Tha was the plan. He was a power bottom and wanted to be fucked hard, or so that's what PJ told me in our text conversations. And I believed him. So I did. As hard and as wild as I could. It was all animal instict, bereft of humanity.

But that wasn't my style. Cold, Heartless sex that only views the partner as a sex object and only longs for self satisfaction. I like to give warmth. Security. Sense of belongingness and satisfaction to whoever I chose to have sex with. Even for just a night. But that giving some of myself up opens my heart a little bit, exposing it to emotions that could be dangerously infectuous.

I felt guilty and offered my warm, passionate self to him. This time looking at him with eyes that sees him as a person. With those, I saw his resemblance with Hale's Champ. Only with a lot more meat. His smiles bring out two gorgeous dimples and make his eyes sparkle, definitely imitating a smile. The wild sex was replaced with long talks, passionate kissing, tight embraces and holding of hands. We took turns massaging each other's backs. Teased each other like kids. We laid in bed with my left arm on his back and his head on my chest. Our naked bodies kept each other warm against the cold of the rainy night.

I knew I was dead.

It's complicated.

How is that complicated? How is being a slutty son-of-a-bitch complicated? And there I was. Talking as if I'm not a slutty son-of-a-bitch myself.

It's just sex. He said softly. Almost a whisper, almost ashamed.

I was trying to control my emotion. Anger. Longing. Yeah. Sex. Because a girl can't fuck your ass with her vagina!

Because I am a mess, okay. Because everything in my life is fucked up. I am fucked up! He said aloud. Emotions welling up. I knew it was hard for him to admit that. His words cut himself like a blade through the wrist. I felt how it stung him. It was a good thing it's too early for people to be out that morning.

Why did you say you like me? That you'd miss me terribly? That you'd love to visit me sometime and just chat about some stuffs?

Because I did. I do. He said sincerely.

There was silence.

I laughed at myself in my thoughts. Here I am. Begging someone to explain to me his affections from a moment of a one night stand. How stupid was that? Something that starts with sex can never be something else other than something about sex. I was supposed to know that.

My eyes left the wall it has been staring at blankly and turned my head to face Bryan who was already looking at me with his sad, glassy eyes. Our eyes met. I smiled. It was a smile of someone who has been hurt but who also has been made happy. It was bittersweet. And I knew it only had one ending.

I know you do. And I know you can't. And I know I shouldn't.

We knew there and then that even if our hearts desired it, it was not meant to be. We knew that at that moment, we are destined to travel two different roads. And with that, I turned my back and walked along the path the Universe laid out before me.

If he stayed there at the alley and watched me dissappear amongst the crowd that the morning sunlight have then stirred up, I'll never know.

Let's just keep it simple
In the AM it's goodbye
The syrup's so much sweeter
When you let the butterfly

So spread your wings and go
It's better not to know
What I'm gonna miss
I'll remember your kiss

We are passing trains
We are whiplash lovers
We are burning wax,
Melting all over each other

We could be perfect strangers,
Let's spend tonight.

We could be perfect strangers,
Hello, would look in my eyes?

Everyone wants you
But nobody knows
That you're all alone inside

We could be perfect strangers.
Thank you for spending one night with me.

Perfect Stangers, INXS

100th post.

Airport Cutie: Gray Encounter

2011-12-28T13:55:00.001+08:00

SPOTTED:

Where: NAIA Terminal 3

When: Dec. 26, 2011 3:15AM

What: I don't know if he's in for a domestic or international flight.

YUMMYGRAPHY

Small. About 5'0"- 5'5". But what he lacks in height, he more than makes up in the looks department. My camera didn't really give justice to him. He's more good looking in person.

Seems to be from the sheltered part of the community. Sports nice, quality, and branded garments with a touch of metrosexuality (carries an extra neon green shoulder bag, tight knee-long shorts and white shirt (when he's not wearing the jacket).

Now, this is me hoping we're on the same flight!

*crosses fingers*

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Taguig Cutie: Mr. Smiley

2011-12-24T04:35:00.001+08:00

Okay. So, I am now in Manila for the holidays and that means I'm supposed to help tend our hardware store while I'm available. I never really liked it because I always get soiled. The only redeeming factor it has that makes it bearable for me is the multitude of cute astig guys that I get to see and speak (flirt) with. I got a chance to see some of my long time crushies today! Some would be customers. Palengke boys. Market-venturing Daddies (a total turn-on). Handsome passerby's and kanto boys like our scoop for the day. Our store is just in front of a mini dry market and the main road.

SPOTTED

Where: Somewhere in Taguig City

When: Dec. 23, 2011

What: Buying cigarettes

YUMMYGRAPHY

Wearing just a shirt and a boxer. Probably just came out of bed. Sexy bedroom look!

Very astig and cute.

Smiles dreamily.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Karmic Infidels (Part 1)

2011-12-18T15:12:00.001+08:00

What the fuck am I doing?!

He asked himself angrily. His heart is beating fast. He can feel his blood rushing troughout his body like a flash flood determined to wash away all his rationality and self control.

They are both slouched at the corner of the bed, their backs against the wall, and just inches away from each other's skin.

Pheromones have been filling up the air for an hour now. The room's atmosphere is thick with sex and attraction that breathing it could choke his awareness the moment he succumbs to his body's need for carnal satiation.

The flirting phase of the game was clearly over. Mar moved down. His body now comfortably rests in the bed but his head is still on the wall, his hands cushioning it against the hardness. His eyes, closed. Lips, wet. Mar's turn was up.

He's waiting for my move.

He knew this wasn't supposed to happen. He always stood for what's right and what's fair. He lived by the Golden Rule. But all of it were just rational talks. He is a fraud. He never thought he could be this weak against real temptation. He underestimated it like he underestimated a lot of things in his life lately. Now he is seeing temptation for what it really is. Sly. Deceptive. Manipulative. Dangerous, and it feeds on his weakness.

Kind. Stocky. Fair. Discreet. Older. That should've been only five counts. Why did I let myself get tangled in this situation with someone that has a sixth that says "in a long distance relationship"?

Photo frome here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Gaya ng Dati

2011-12-17T12:03:00.000+08:00

May mahal ka ba ngayon?

Pwedeng kasama mo siya. Pwedeng mahal mo lang pero hindi naman kayo.

Ano nga ba 'yung ginagawa mo para sa taong 'yan?

What do you do everyday para hindi ka iwan?

O baka may ginagawa ka na pala, hindi man araw-araw, para mawala siya.

Nakakainis no?

Sometimes when we finally find that person na gusto nating makasama forever, yung tipong alam mong siya na, yung tipong he's the one, ang nakakapikon na part ay yung pag natagpuan mo na siya, we still do things na pwedeng maging dahilan ng pagka wala nila sa atin.

We do things to push that person away. Sinasadya man or we're just being ourselves, minsan iniisip natin, hindi ba dapat tanggap tayo kung sino tayo?

Well, that's nice. 'Yung matanggap tayo kung ano yug pagkatao natin pero sa kabilang banda, compromise is everything.

It's OK na sabihin mo sa partner mo na mahalin mo ako kung ano ako but sometimes, we must learn to adjust.

Kailangan, you make that person love you pero bigyan mo siya ng dahilan para maramdaman at gawin 'yun. Maintenance, ika nga.

Hmm.. bakit hindi mo ibalik ang dati?

Gumawa ka ng paraan na ang tanging hangarin mo lang kapag may ginawa kang effort para sa kanya ay hindi para puriin ka kundi para kiligin siya.

Do it.

And do it everyday.

Karmic Infidels (Part 2)

2011-12-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

But it was too late to ponder about his thoughts of right or wrong. The snake of sin has already bared it's fangs and easily pierced through his armor of weak virtues. The poison spread through his veins rapidly as if his body has been longing for it for centuries. It badly wanted the short burst of ecstasy it will be experiencing after the release. It was down to it's basic level of desire. It was in control.

He shifted his body to face Mar. His face was a play of shadows and shapes in the room's dim light. His full red lips was undeniably ready for the descent of his. Down across his body, a beast wants to be let out. It spoke to him. Im yours for the taking.

He waited half a dozen seconds before he had the courage to lean towards Mar. He smelled his sweet breath briefly, and then found himself pulling back. But not entirely. That was his last remaining ounce of morality eager to put this madness to stop. But just like an animal with a slit throat, that last struggle drained his conscience of all its life.

Another dozen seconds and this time he leaned more slowly and powerfully. And when his lips touched Mar's, he left all reasons behind.

You know this will eventually come back and bite you in the ass, right?

Yes. I know. I'd expect nothing less.

No. Believe me. You wouldn't. You'll pay when you least expect it and when you can't afford it. You've set something bad in motion and it's only a matter of time until the ripples reach you.

You really are a bitch, aren't you?

Yeah, honey. That's what you all losers call me.

False Memory Syndrome

2011-12-12T13:13:00.001+08:00

Did I make you up?

He asked the tiny picture.

Did you ever exist as the person I longed for you to be?

He put the photo back in the secret pocket, snapped his wallet shut, and closed his hand around it, then sat on the edge of his small, flat bed, his loosely clenched hands to his temples. He felt the ring on his left hand. It was their couple's ring. It puzzled him how something that symbolizes everything warm and fuzzy could suddenly become rough and cold to the touch.

He closed his eyes and commanded his memories.

One kiss that he had initiated as an expression of his affection to me rather than the other way around.

One openhanded touch that was pure affection and nothing else.

One word of praise or affection, unhinged by sarcasm.

One hug that was brought by the joy of seeing me after a long time and not because I asked for it.

One date that he planned just to let me know that he want to be out and about doing fun activities with me.

One day with the bestfriends where I don't magically become non-existent in their presence.

He was certain there had been such moments, but he could not call one to the forefront of his mind.

He lowered his hand and looked at the closed wallet he still clutched and the silver ring on his finger.

Throw the ring away. Burn the photo.

No. He couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. Not yet. But he would not keep the photo in his wallet's secret pocket, nor sleep with it under his pillow and he would not wear the ring anymore. He’d set them aside, where he wouldn’t see them by accident. He would put them with the other mementos that now shamed him.

photo frome here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Tabula Rasa

2011-11-28T21:45:00.001+08:00

Hindi ba nakakatawa kung pano'ng hindi natin sini-seryoso ang mga cliché na kasabihan kahit ilang daang beses na silang labas-masok sa mga tenga natin?

Kung kailan lang nararanasan ang mga ito saka lang sila tumatak sa ating mga utak. Sa mga pagkakataong iyon lang natin nakikita ang mga gintong aral sa likod ng mga paulit-ulit at nakaka-rinding mga salita.

P4,120.00

'Yan ang budget ko habang naghahanap ng trabaho dito sa Cebu. Wala pa sa kalahati ng allowance ko ng isang buwan. Para sa pagkain, renta, pamasahe at mga ekstra na gastusin. Inutang ko pa ang P2,000.00 kay Ex#4 at ang sobra ay tira-tira sa nakaraang allowance ko. Dahil sa hiya, hindi na ako humingi sa tatay ko ng pera at gusto ko ring matutong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa.

Marami din palang magandang naidudulot ang mawalan ka ng bagay na dati meron ka. Mas nabibigyan mo nang pagpapahalaga ang mga simpleng bagay na dati ay hindi mo pansin at mas marami kang pagkakataon na maging matatag.

Ngayon, laking pasasalamat ko na dahil kahit kailangan ko nang mag tipid ay sapat pa din naman ang bilang ng pag kain ko araw-araw. May pang-load pa ako at pang internet. Iniiwasan ko na nga lang na pumunta ng mga malls habang wala pa akong nahahanap sa trabaho.

Matagal ko nang sinasabi sa mga kaibigan ko tuwing ang kabuhayan ng mga pamilya namin ang nagiging paksa ng mga usapan na ayokong umasa sa kung ano mang naipundar ng magulang ko. Gusto kong bumuo ng isang bagay na masasabi kong ako mismo ang naghirap.

Ayokong maging ipokrito at sabihing hindi ako masaya na may resources nang handa kong magamit sa oras na kailangan pero hindi naman kayamanan ang usapin dito at katulad ng sa relihiyon, naniniwala kasi ako na mas maganda kung ikaw mismo ang maghahanap ng kabuluhan sa buhay mo sa panahon na marunong ka nang mag-isip ng kung ano ang tama at mali para sa sarili mo. Yung tipong back to zero. Clean slate. Ikaw mismo ang bubuo sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay mo at hindi yung tatanggapin mo na lang kung ano ang nakagisnan mo o ang ibinigay sa iyo ng ibang tao.

Sa ganoong paraan mas magiging masaya ka dahil ikaw mismo ang may hawak ng manibela ng buhay mo. Ikaw ang bahala kung saan ka pupunta dahil alam mo kung saan ka magiging maligaya.

Turning Point

2011-11-27T21:55:00.001+08:00

So the results are out and yeah, I didn't make it.

I'm not really sure if I was shocked or was already expecting not to see my name on the list of passers. I guess I never really gave my best during those six months of parent-financed review here in Cebu. There's also the case of over confidence. I trusted heavily on the numbers I was getting in my review exams and the way I was constantly yapping about them on FB and Twitter just makes me a very big airbag. I'm blaming this all on my imaginary evil twin!

Seriously, I feel sorry for those guys who were really rooting for me to pass especially my parents. I don't know how was I able to let the best people in the world down. All those support and trust down the drain. Damn. I really am a jerk. But the important thing is that these people still haven't given up on me. That's why they are the best and I'm very lucky to have them.

Just like what they say, "True failure is remaining where you have fallen.", so I won't beat myself down about it anymore.

Afterall, it's not all bad.

I decided to remain here in Cebu to look for work and to continue my (self)review. Well, it's not really a decision per se but it's something that just came so naturally that I didn't really use any brain cells up. Like going with the river's flow.

I'll be travelling the road of redemption.

In a place far from home and I know no one. By myself. By my own means and without my father's money. It's scary but it is full of possibilities.

This is my turning point.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Skull Boy and AF Elephant

2011-11-08T10:53:00.001+08:00

One of my dream businesses is the T-Shirt Design/Printing business. I've drawn some designs and concepts but the whole thing is pretty much inside my head until I saw a Sharpie fabric marker at National Bookstore the other day. I always wanted to have one eversince some TV magazine show featured AnalogSoul, an establishment who uses Sharpie markers to hand-draw their designs into bags, shirts and shoes! They are one of my inspirations.

Okay, so I bought one for about P50+. I was looking for other colors but they only have black ones.

Anyways, with the Sharpie and an old white shirt, here's my first venture in my T-Shirt business! I did it in between studying (read: when bored) and just drew whatever came into my head that time.

Here is Skull Boy

And AF Elephant. This isn't my original design. I just saw it somewhere and liked it so much. Credit to the original artist, whoever you are. What's AF, you say? You'll figure it out! Haha.

So here they are.

I drew the elephant first thinking that the side I am using is the front. I had to draw skull boy in the front to balance it out. I could've done more with some colors.

(:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPodTouch

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Under the Storm (Finale)

2011-10-21T12:38:00.001+08:00

One of his hands suddenly grabbed a fistful of Gab's shirt right below his throat. The other shifted to a grip on the hair of the top of his head. Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's, his lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer. Gab had been too astonished to struggle, even as Gino shifted his grip and pulled his body tight against his own. A sudden heat rushed through him, a lust he could not conceal or deny. Gino's mouth tasted of liquor and his cheek, though shaven, scraped against Gab's when he tried to pull away from him.

Gab gasped for breath, smothered between the kiss and the truth of how badly he wanted this. He put his hands against Gino's chest and pushed but could put no strength into the rejection. Gino held him easily and his deep quiet chuckle at Gab's feeble struggle vibrated through them, chest to chest.

Gino finally broke the kiss but continued to press himself tightly against Gab. He spoke by his ear. “Don't worry. Struggle as much as you think you should, or need to. I won't let you win. It's going to happen to you. Just as you always dreamed it would. Someone just needs to take a firm hand with you.”

“Let me go, man! Are you mad or drunk?” Gab's voice wavered uncertainly. The wind blew harder but he scarcely felt it. Gino effortlessly pinned his arms to his side. He was taller and stronger and he lifted Gab, not quite off his feet but in a way that let him know he could. He pressed his body against him and spoke through clenched teeth. “Neither mad nor drunk, Gab. Just more honest than you are. I don't have to ask 'What do you want, please, sir?' It was written all over your face as you stared at the happy couple. It wasn't the bride you were lusting after. It was Marcus. Well, who wouldn't? Such a handsome fellow. But you'll never have him now and neither will I. So perhaps we should settle for what we can have.” and pulled him close.

“I didn't,” Gab started to lie. “I don't know . . .” Then Gino's mouth descended again, kissing him deeply and roughly, bruising his lips until Gab gave in and opened them to him. He made a small, involuntary noise and Gino laughed into his open mouth. Then suddenly, he broke the embrace and stepped back from Gab. He nearly fell. Gab stumbled back from Gino, and the night grove of trees seemed to swing around him in a wide circle dance. He lifted the back of his hand to his mouth, tasted the salt of blood from his stinging lips. “I don't understand,” he said faintly.

“Don't you?” Gino smiled again. “I think you do. All of this will be easier when you admit you do.” He stepped closer to him and Gab did not retreat. Gino reached for him again and he did not flee. Gino's hands were hard and strong and knowing as he seized him and pulled him close.

The storm swept around them, making the trees bow and dance, but the cold couldn't reach them. Both of their bodies were radiating heat q The deep bed of needles in the darkness beneath the low-swooping pinetree branches had smelled sweet when they were crushed beneath their weight. The darkness of the sky and the swaying lush plants had covered them both perfectly like conniving parties to a secret affair. Time and family and the expectations of the rest of the world were blown away by the storm's breath.

The End.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (3rd part)

2011-10-21T12:36:00.001+08:00

“What would you like me to say?” Gab felt trapped. Was the man mocking him or trying to be friendly with him? His conversations are now dangerously playing at the fine line between taunting and friendliness.

“That would be good. Yes. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

It took him a moment to analyze it in his mind. When he spoke, the words came smoothly, but Gino shook his head and made a sad mouth. “Oh, dear. Not like that. You need to open your mouth more. They're a very voluble people.”

“What?”

“Say it again, but open your mouth more. Purse your lips out.”

It was pure mockery. Gab was certain of it now. He made his words brisk. “I'm cold. I'm going back inside now.”

But as he strode past him, Gino's hand had shot out suddenly and gripped Gab's left shoulder. He tugged him sharply, spinning the smaller man so that Gab almost collided with him.

“Say it again.” he urged him pleasantly. “In any language you like. Say, 'Please, sir, what would you like?'”

His fingers were biting into Gab's shoulder right through the formal shirt he donned for the occasion. Gab tried to squirm away.

“Let go! What do you want?” Gab demanded, but Gino had responded by seizing his other shoulder. He gave a sudden jerk that nearly pulled Gab off his feet. They were suddenly chest to chest, with Gino staring down into Gab's face.

“What do I want? Hmm. Not quite the same as asking me what I would like, but it will do. You should be asking what you want for yourself, Gab. I wonder if you've ever dared to ask that question, let alone answer it. Because the answer is very plain to me. You want this.”

Gino bent his head, and his mouth was hard on Gab's. His lips moving as if he would devour him, his hard hands pulling him closer.

To be continued..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm (2nd part)

2011-10-21T12:31:00.001+08:00

He turned in shock. He didn't imagine anyone else would be out in this weather. It was even more of a shock to realize that the man was Gino, and that he must have followed him. He must have been a part of the group of men by the door that he passed when he went out, he thought.

Gab knew his name and his reputation, but little more than that. The Manriques are one of the valued clients of their family owned company. Gab was also one of the engineers who headed the construction of their resort in Batangas and that's where he got acquainted with Gino who also supervised the project. The wealthy and popular young businessman moved in a social circle several notches higher than Gab's orbit. He wondered why he had followed him out into that weather. His long deep-blue cloak was nearly black in the dimming light. The collar was turned up high, framing his face.

“It's just rain. I came outside to clear my head of a little too much wine.” Gab said awkwardly.

Gino listened to him silently, head cocked mockingly. He raised his sculpted brows in a rebuke for his lie.

“I'm not crying, if that's what you're thinking.” Gab added defensively.

“Aren't you?"Gino came toward Gab through the trickling rain. It was definitely rain now. The trail of water have doused the tall man's dark hair.

“I saw you watching the happy couple and thought to myself, now there's a spurned lover, watching his dreams stroll off without him.”

Gab watched his approach warily. “I hardly know her,” he said. “Marcus was my immediate superior as well as mentor. I'm just here to wish him well.”

“As we all are,” Gino agreed smoothly. “Our dear friend Marcus enters a new stage of his life now. He takes on the duties of a husband. And his loving friends, though we wish him well, will see far less of him now.”

The light was waning from the sky and the shadows of the pine trees made the rainy summer afternoon even darker. The fading light took the colours with it. Gino's face was a study of planes and shadows. He was smiling. His narrow lips were chiselled into a fine smile as he asked him, “I'm assuming you're his replacement? I say it's about time your dad gave you a more meaty role in your company. ”

“I'm afraid so. It's unfortunate that they'll be migrating to Australia after the wedding. It's really a big loss for the company. He's our liason for our clients in Japan, where half of our big projects come from. He's sent there every month. He's the best and the clients like him and those are big shoes to fill. I hope I don't dissapoint Dad. That also means I have to learn to speak Nihonggo very well and without an accent. Apparently, that makes the Japanese clients happy and when they're happy, more work for us. Yay." Gab said sarastically before continuing."Marcus speaks it like a native and he's been teaching me ever since he broke the news .”

Gino has now stopped so close in front of him and not even an arm's length away. “Nihonggo?” His smile grew wider, baring even teeth. “I lived in Japan for a year after graduating from college. I believe that every one should know Nihonggo. With the way Japanese work and how fast their economy grows, they have a shot in winning a power struggle when Uncle Sam drops dead in the near future. I say that's a good enough reason to learn as much as we can about them. Not just their language, but their customs. A man can speak the language of a place, but if he lacks knowledge of the customs, he will always betray himself as a foreigner. And thus not be accepted. Global super power or not, they are still one of the top nations and we'd want favor from someone of their status. They could easily crush the man who competes with them. Not to mention that the Japanese have the tendency to keep whatever they have within their boarders and among themselves. It's hard to penetrate their market but if you do, that means great business! Don't you agree?”

“I suppose. Yes.” With his econo-political blabberings, the tall businessman is definitely drunk, Gab decided.

Gino had come close enough that Gab could smell the alcohol on his breath. His dark eyes roved over Gab's face in a disconcerting way. He licked his lips and said, “So. Let me hear your accent. Say something in Japanese.”

“What?”

“That's not Japanese.” Gino grinned. “Try again.”

To be continued..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Under the Storm

2011-10-19T13:41:00.001+08:00

A storm was threatening, one that couldn't make up its mind between icy rain and strong rough blows of wind. The wind gusted and died, and then spat a spray of water again. The thick clouds were making late June afternoon into early evening.

He didn't care. He didn't even bother with his coat. He wanted to feel the wind on his face. He wanted to be cold. It would match his mood.

He left the shelter of the large porch of the Country Club, strolled past the line of waiting cars and well-bundled drivers. He went walking in the deepening twilight on the meticulously groomed grounds that surrounded the venue.

The garden was desolate and deserted since everyone were inside enjoying the party and taking shelter for the coming storm. It was full of flowering bushes, trees and vines but the real king of that big chunk of lot are the pine trees. Towering everything around them as their needle-like leaves are blown sharply by the unimpeded wind. The smell is what reminded him that he was in Baguio and that he should be enjoying his stay. But he couldn't.

Fallen leaves littered the gravel paths. He is well passed the area where someone could wander around and he could barely hear the merry makings of everyone in the party now. The trees and bushes were kind enough to offer him the solitude he needed. The howling of the wind from an impending storm and the gentle rustling of the leaves gave him the calm he couldn't get inside, sheltered and around those happy people.

There were quite a number of close standing trees at the edge of a herb garden that he passed by. There were eucalyptus and some he didn't know the names but mostly pines, it was Baguio afterall. He headed instinctively toward the protection of the grove. In the circle of their shelter, the wind could barely find him. He turned his eyes up to the cold stormy sky and tried to find a single star through the overcast. He couldn't. He lowered his face and wiped rain from his cheeks.

“Weeping at a wedding? What a sentimental fool you are.”

to be continued..
Based on an exerpt from Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb

Drops of Jupiter

2011-10-16T12:14:00.002+08:00

I miss my sister.

This song reminds me of her and listening to it makes death of a loved one less sad. Just thinking that those who passed away are still around us and enjoying their freedom. Crossing galaxies. Charting the heavens. Exploring the universe.

Thanks, Patrick Monahan, for writing a really great song. The story behind the song made me love it even more!

"The best thing we could do by loss of love is to find ourselves through it." -Pat Monahan

To my sister, I know wherever you are, you are happy.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like Summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like Spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Hey, hey.

Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that Heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey, yeah.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you?
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five hour phone conversation?
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

And tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that Heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And did you fall from a shooting star?
Fall from a shooting star?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Na, na, na

And are you lonely looking for yourself out there?

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/train-lyrics-drops-of-jupiter-7vdsf7h#ixzz1aulccBTP
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

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Chinese Cocktail

2011-10-05T11:18:00.001+08:00

I feel guilty about Chekwa.

My inbox is full of unreturned text messages from him. Well, promising myself to him when I return to Manila is not hard, my review makes sure of that, but I think I'm just making my "busy-ness" an excuse to not return them.

The facts are these:

As much as I like him, I never really thought he'd wait two long months for me. Finalizing his breakup with the GF, constantly updating me with whatever he's doing and asking me if I'm doing good from time to time even though I've only replied to them about three times (mostly with one liners with a very passive tone) just melts my heart. Because if that was me and the guy I like snubs me, I'd just stay away and let him be. He didn't.

He's held on to the promise I gave him even though it was just a convenience for me to also bind myself to those words. I knew I couldn't afford to waste time with anybody here in Cebu so promising myself to someone in Manila coincides with the original plan and makes it a stronger resolve. The only thing is that I've included someone's emotions in a mix without knowing the kind of hangover it could kick my head with in the morning. That, my friends, officially makes me a very big jerk.

The truth is my mind's a mess. I guess I'm afraid to be with someone again. Or just not ready for one. Or maybe, just maybe, I'd still like to enjoy my singleblessedness for some more time. Or could it be that I'm still waiting for a better one?

I don't know.

Is this the universe's way of telling me not to think about it at this time?

Cebu Cutie: Pinoy Pride

2011-09-28T14:15:00.001+08:00

SPOTTED

Where: Olympic Village, Ayala Center Cebu

When: Sept. 24, 2011, Night

What: Buying some shoes with (assuming it is) his mommy.

YUMMYGRAPHY

About 5'4"-5'5" .

Probably my age but could be younger since he's with my mother-in-law.

Sporting Pinoy's proud color.

Very handsome! Manly handsome.

Fashion style is somewhere between rock and roll and plain rugged.

I miss him already!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Inside. Outside. Outsiders.

2011-09-24T16:12:00.001+08:00

Most of the boarders in our boarding house are out. They went on some sort of religious retreat and will be out for two days.

I'm was inside my room, reading some Robin Hobb. Some of the remaining tenants are just outside, in the study area, talking.

Their topic is interestingly about gayness and he center of their talk is the only open and loud gay among all of the boarders.

They are asking Gay Boarder how he came to be gay and some other stuffs like that. The first questions came from New Roommate and I was disgusted on how homophobic he really was.

"Hindi ka bakla. Lalaki ka!"

He was saying this to someone who acts and speaks as loud as Vice Ganda. Anyone who could've heard this will think of it as just a remark of concern until he followed it up with

"Nakakadiri kaya yun."

"Ginawa ng Diyos ang lalaki para sa babae."

"Hindi ka sasaya."

"May kakilala ako tulad mo pero straight na ngayon kasi lagi ko inuulit sa kanya yung mga sinasabi ko sayo saka binugbog ko. Haha!"

The latter was passed off as a joke but it barely reached my ear as one. Gay Boarder was cool enough to just laugh it all away. For that, I commend him. Some part of me got jealous of GB because he no longer hides who he really is and could come out to the open to defend himself. On my part, it would be futile for to put up a debate without making myself come out of the closet during the process. That's why I just had to write this down.

As NR and GB were talking, there was Self Righteous Religious Girl, butting in the conversation.

"Masarap daw kasi magka-sala kaya ayaw niyang mag bago."

"Hoy! Satanas! Umalis ka sa katawan ni GB! Paki kuha nga yung bible ko. May babasahin lang akong verse."

With SRRG's last remark, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had to drown their voices with Dishwalla plugged straight to my ears.

It was what they believed, after all. I don't have to like it but I have to respect it.

Photo from here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Nothing Like You and I

2011-09-18T17:17:00.001+08:00

We spent some time together, walking.
Spent some time just talking
About who we were.

You held my hand so very tightly
And told me what we could be
Dreaming of.

There's nothing like you and I.

We spent some time together drinking.
Spent some time just thinking
About days of joy.

As our hearts started beating faster,
I recalled your laughter
From long ago.

There's nothing like you and I.

We spent some time together crying.
Spent some time just trying
To let each other go.

I held your hand so very tightly
And told you what I would be
Dreaming of.

There's nothing like you and I.

So, why do I
Even try?

Photo from here

Nothing Like You and I, The Perishers

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Ang Lalaki sa Buhay ni Chekwa

2011-09-15T14:18:00.002+08:00

Photo from here

Kung kelan nakita mo na siya.

Ang dream guy mo.

Chinito.

Maputi.

Walang kabahid-bahid.

Walang arte.

Koboy.

Hahalikan ka kahit kaka-yosi mo lang.

Yayakapin ka kahit pawisan ka.

Inaalalayan ka habang bumababa ng hagdan.

Gusto lagi kang ka-text.

Kausap.

Kasama.

Nandun ka sa future plans nya.

Kahit na tigasin eh nilalambing ka.

Kaya lang..

Wala pa silang closure ng girlfriend nya.

May board exam ka pang dapat i-prioritize.

At nasa malayong lugar ka.

Syet!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Bad Boyfriends

2011-09-09T06:39:00.003+08:00

Photo from here

I know we've all had our share of these jerks. I just thought I'd categorize each one of them from my past experiences. Also, if anyone of you are realizing that your partner or you are one of these Bad Boyfriend, you know what to do. edit 9/17/11 Before anyone reacts (or after since it took me days to add this disclaimer), I'm not saying that I'm the poster child for good boyfriends nor have these past guys been totally jerks. We all have bad boyfriends inside of us. It just sucks to find yourself with one who is more inclined to be one. For all you know I could be one in the list.

The Politician

These types are really annoying. Tulad ng mga politiko, ang hilig nilang mag tayo ng billboards tuwing may projects sila. Kasehodang pag fill lang ng isang lubak sa daan, go sa pag lagay ng billboard na mas mahal pa yata ang pagpapa print kesa sa actual project. Whenever these guys do something for you, they make sure you don't forget all their struggles and hardships doing that deed. Even if it is just as simple as accompanying you to the jeepney stop from their houses. Like they just did you a favor. I mean, WTH, aren't they supposed to do that because they are your partners? Including a bunch of other stuffs? Isn't that one of the perks of being in a relationship? Feeling loved and protected without them shoving it in your face?

The Better Half

Literally the better half or atleast they think they are. Ito yung mga partners na tingin nila sa sarili nila ay mas mataas sayo. They think they are smarter than you, good looking than you or more successful than you. Heck, they even think others are better than you! They always contradict, second think or put aside your opinions and ideas like it is as natural to them as breathing. Automatic na. Pero kapag ibang tao ang nag present sakanya ng mga 'yun, agree to the max naman kaagad ang lola! Mahilig din silang makipag "diskusyunan" sayo about some things. Intelligent debate daw. Pero ang totoo they just want to tell you that they are right and you're wrong. Since sila yung mga taong nakatanim sa utak nila na tama sila. Kahit na mas may alam ka. Clearly, they don't trust your voice in the relationship. Better drop this SOAB down the sink hole where he belongs and find someone who appreciates and lifts you up. You deserve that.

The Accountant

Tulad ng Politician, mahilig din itong ipamukha sayo ang mga bagay bagay na hindi naman kailangan pang ipamukha sayo. Unless, of course, they don't really love you that much. Pero nag specialize ang mga ito sa pagbibilang. Pagbibilang lahat ng mga mali mo. These types are awesome, in a twisted way. Grabe ang memory. Yung tipong tandang tanda pa ang pagkakamali mo 2 years ago at bilang bilang kung ilan na lahat ng utang mo from the day you bacame official up to the present. Are these guys keeping a tally book or are they just mentally gifted for remembering your faults? Super convenient nga ang skills nila everytime na may arguements. I-re-recite sayo lahat ng mga pagkukulang mo. Pero ang nakakatawa, parang may amnesia sila sa lahat ng mga bagay na nagawa mong tama. Haaaaay.

The Gravedigger

Like the Accountant, these guys are very talented but they specialize in remembering all your faults when there is an argument. Yung tipong kapag may away, hinahalungkat pati yung mga past sa rifts ninyong dalawa na akala mo ay nabaon na sa lupa dahil nagka sabihan at nagka tanggapan na ng sincere na "I'm sorry." at nag make-up sex na kayo. Pero kapag sumiklab na naman ang mga petty arguments, naghuhukay na naman siya. Kahit wala ka namang ginawa para i-compromise ang "forgive and forget" scenes nyo before, be rest assured that he'll unearth it again and pile it on top of the other dead bodies in front of you. So mas OK na siya nalang ibaon mo. Sa limot. Next!

to be continued

Labels

2011-09-08T20:27:00.001+08:00

Gay ka or Bi?

Huh? Anong klaseng tanong yan? And more importantly, does it matter?

Oo naman. Bi kasi ako at medyo naiilang ako kasama mga gay.

Tulad ng sabi ko, does it matter? Ang bading ay pumatatol sa kapwa lalaki. Ang bisexual, sa parehong lalaki at babae. So ano
Ang common ground nila? Parehas silang pumapatol sa kaparehas nila ng kasarian.

Eh kasi..

Eh kasi baka ang ibig mong sabihin effemenate ba ako or straight acting?

Ah parang ganun nga. So ano ka?

Well, to answer your original question, yes, I am gay. And for someone who calls himself bisexual, I can say that I am, in many ways, more than capable of carrying that label.

Excuse me. Hindi po ako halata.

Hindi ka halatang ano? Gay or Bi? Haha! See? Ikaw mismo nalilito sa mga labels mo.

Ah, bading ka nga. Ang daldal mo eh.

At ikaw hindi? Kung di ka halata, ano ako? Straight? Madaldal ako kasi mas marami akong alam kesa sayo. You are obviously misinformed and you lack knowledge kaya di mo ma-defend sarili mo. Saka please, stop that bisexual shit. Or that discreet crap.

Bisexual po ako. I don't know kung bakit di mo mapaniwalaan and honestly, I don't care about what you think! I've had sex with both men and women.

Ang tanong, ilang babae at ilang lalaki? Baka 1:100 ang ratio mo! Haha! Saka sex? Like that's a good indicator of sexuality. Walang pinipili ang taong libog na libog. Narinig mo na ba kung gano kalamya boses mo? Napansin mo ba kung gaano ka ka-gay wearing those purple pants, black sando topped with a gray off shoulder knitted jacket and white rimmed sunglasses? Feeling Korean? Saka teh, foundation day? Oh, and a cabinet filled with bottles of anti-aging, whitening and other beautification creams? Yeah right.

Huh? LOL! Narinig mo na ba yung term na metrosexual? Ikaw pala tong walang alam eh.

Metrosexual bordering transvestite? LOL!

Che!

Kenfeeeeeermd!

Photo from here
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Death is Your Gift

2011-09-06T16:14:00.003+08:00

I have noticed for a time now that deaths have been happening around me a lot. Yes, I know that people die everyday but these people are personally or somehow connected to me.

I don't exactly remember who they were but I know that there have been deaths of relatives of people I know earlier this year. I think one was an ex-officemate's and some from casual acquaintances.

It didn't really occur to me back then until there have been a few deaths from my relatives as well.

A second degree aunt. An aunt. A second degree step uncle. A step uncle. A sister.

A fuck buddy's niece. A good friends lolo. A new friend's lolo. An ex officemate's lolo.

All of which are just a few weeks or months apart.

The year haven't even ended and yet I've known and witnessed more deaths than any human being is allowed to bear. I try to shrug this off, but now I fear for the sick ones that I know.

I've only talked to one friend about this but I was saddened by his reaction.

"Naku! Sana hindi ako yung sumunod! Marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay!"

I know he meant it as a joke but I could smell fear from his words. He seemed to actually believe that I was like this bringer of death that wrecks havoc to the lives of people around him. I hope it was not the reason why a supposed gang get together was not pushed hard enough into fruition. It's very laughable. Especially when he talks openly about me being just as part of his family as all his blood kins are. But I can't really blame him. Superstitions run deeply in our blood. Especially when we think our lives are at stake. I guess I'd be expecting some "friends" to suddenly want nothing to do with me when they know about this too.

I'm not really the superstitious type but it just unnerves me to be surrounded by this many deaths. I can't explain it either. Coincidence? Omen? Am I just just more aware of deaths now than before? I don't know.

Now I feel such a freak.

photo from here

Video Scandal

2011-09-05T21:03:00.002+08:00

Wala lang.

Gusto ko lang magpaka-controversial.

Magpaka-daring.

Mang-titillate ng inyong senses.

Be prepared, guys.

YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Cebu Pasalubong: Tabo-an Market Adventure

2011-09-04T14:18:00.002+08:00

If you're a first timer in Cebu and is wondering where to buy pasalubong for you're relatives back in your hometown or somewhere across the oceans, Tabo-an Market is the place.

Well, it is actually a one stop pasalubong shop for having delicacies ranging from otap, rosquillos, chicharon, bottled bagoong of different kinds, dried mangoes and anythig you can think of when you think of Cebu. Okay, except for lechon.

But what Tabo-an Market is really famous for are the dried fish stores that abound the area with the sought after pasalubong, danggit (rabbit fish), as its flag bearer

Photo from Penfires!

There are many ways to go to Tabo-an Market and it is easier if you know where Colon and Sanciangko streets are or know how to get there. Anyways, you can hail jeepneys with signs and route numbers such as Guadalupe 06A (which passes in front of San Jose Recolletos University), Lahug 04D (passes Cebu Colliseum) or if you're from SM Cebu, you can ride a 10H jeepney. Or anything with Carbon or Tabo-an signages, but ask the driver first, to be sure. All of which goes to or near the market. You'll know if you're near the vicinity when you see a short bridge (don't worry, you'll pass only one). If the jeep does not cross that bridge and turns left, just shout lugar lang or if you're feeling polite, lugar lang, 'ya (cebuano for para and para po manong). Of course, it's more convenient riding a cab but where's the adventure in that?

Jeepney tips are from Penfires!

Being adventurous myself and having my boarding house near Colon and Sanciangko and being armed with only researched knowledge from the internet and having only memorized the area from my map, I decided to walk my way to Tabo-an Market. Oh, if you own a map of Cebu like me, please don't bring it with you or publicly consult it when navigating the streets. Trust me. You don't wanna look too tourist-y.

I took the Sanciangko Street because it is a more direct route compared to Colon. Just follow the street going south and after probably 10-15 minutes (I used University of San Carlos as my benchmark here), you'll see the bridge that I was talking about. Cross it and you're already there! You are now looking at Tabo-an Market! And with that, take a deep breath and smell the air! Turn right from the fork (two roads going left and one going right) because that's where most of the dried goods are. Look for the Tabo-an Dried Fish Dealers Ass'n, Inc. signage. Start there.

Photo from www.pinoyislands.com

I went there at around 7AM to avoid a horde of pasalubong buyers but I guess it was too early since some stalls were just opening and some haven't opened yet. I guess 8AM would be the best time to go there. Nevertheless, even with some closed stores, the variety of dried fish and pasalubong overwhelmed me.

Photo from www.pinoyislands.com

As suggested by other bloggers, I only wore pambahay clothes. That's because the smell of dried fishes there is very strong, it clings to you and your clothes. And that is not an exaggeration.

Photo from www.pinoyislands.com

Photo from Baktin Corporation

I was looking for Nang Aying's stall (as recommended by Baktin Corporation) but I guess she haven't opened yet so I just bought from the nearest open stall. I bought the small, gill-less, unsalted ones (washed with fresh water or tubig tab-ang) because I heard that those are the best ones. Easy to crispy fry and less salty. It was sold at P540.00 per kilo. A far cry from the the P100+ per 100 grams you see in supermarkets and airport kiosks. I bought half a kilo and asked the crew to seal them into five 100 gram packs for easier distribution to friends and relatives.

There are also dried squids, fish bones, fish tocino and others that I don't know the names. I was on a budget so I opted not to ask for their prices. I was only there for two things, danggit and the mango chews.

Yes, mango chews. Well, they're pretty much the same as "the" dried mangoes only without the fibers. Mango chews are basically mango puree mixed with gelatin to be of the same consistency as dried mangoes. They look and taste the same that it could easily be mistaken as the real ones. Believe me. I was fooled big time once. How to tell the difference? Well dried mangoes are fibrous so check if your purchase have hints of fibers in them. Also, mango chews have uniform shape and size (shaped like a mango leaf) and at closer inspection, you can see trapped air bubbles inside. There are those with brands that you see in super markets but I guess their prices, if not just some pesos cheaper, are more or less the same. I was after those unbranded ones which are way cheaper. Okay, they maybe unbranded and packed on clear plastic but I'm pretty sure they are legit. They must have come direct from the factory just by seeing how it was neatly packed and marked with an expiration date in the corner (definitely machine packed and labeled). The tindera told me that the mangoes are distributed by the same guys from 7D Dried Mangoes.

It really pays well to check some stores first before buying. I found out that there could be a P30 difference for a kilo of mango chews from two stores that are just beside each other. I bought one kilo for P350.00 and asked them to repack it into four 250gram packs. The only factory packed are the one kilos. The store just repacks them into 250 and 500 gram denominations so that buyers are presented with different options but I insisted on them repacking my one kilo just to be sure. The other store beside have them for just P320.00 but does not do repackings that's why I bought from the latter. Also, there are these mango chips (about one fourth the size of ordinary mango chews) that are about P50-P100 cheaper but were out of stock. I guess they sell pretty fast because of it's cheaper and bite sized.

It also helps if you have a local with you to do the talking and haggling. I'm pretty sure that the price I got are "haggle-able" but I'm never really good at haggling so I didn't try. Try to also visit some stores before buying to know where the best prices are. One rule of the thumb is that prices on well established stores (located in front of Tabo-an Market, just across the street) are higher because of higher rent and more people tending their spacious stores. Also, the price of dried fishes fluctuates. It depends if there's a full moon and catch is small or if there are festivities like Sinulog.

Equipped with just a handful of cebuano vocabulary, I tried my very best to speak like a local but I think the tinderas I talked to found my bisaya (trying)hard and just spoke to me directly in Tagalog. I was actually laughing at myself when I came out of the store. So much for my local disguise.

Anyways, mission accomplished! Ready for the airport!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Bridges and a Funeral (Part 1 of 2)

2011-08-29T14:13:00.002+08:00

She has been fighting cancer for 3 years. Lymphoma. Her health was a rollercoaster ride for all of us. One day doctors and lab results tell us she's getting better, then some months after, she's back in chemo and radiation.

Although felt and showed differently, I know my sister's passing was a shock to all of us. I used to think that when you get used to having a sick relative for so long, the time that they succumb to their illnesses would have been the time that you've subconsciously (or consciously) prepared for halfway their sick lives.

I guess reality really is a lot of shades darker than theory. You always think you know how a certain situation would turnout because you have ran them through a thousand times in your head with logical simulations. But it catches you by the tail when it actually happens because you lack one important data. Emotion. Actual emotion. And kicking them out from the equation would throw your chart way off because, well, you don't really know how you would exactly react on things until they're in front of you. Just like how the old saying goes.

Not crying when I learned about my sister's death made me shame myself but I knew it was not the case when I took it all in during the wake. Well, okay, I didn't really cry. I just got teary eyed (the worst would be a tear nearly escaping my lower eyelashes).
I realized I was rejecting the idea. I kept my sadness in check. Breathing deeply and blinking fast whenever emotions are about to flood, tears start to well up and lumps start to block my throat. That was the part of me who didn't want to bee seen as less than a man by crying and sobbing. Especially when all the clan have gathered on that occasion. I was purposely preventing my thoughts into venturing deeper in my heart to fish out emotions. I kept it in the shallows of just knowing the facts. My sister died. We mourn. We socialize.

Dear Diary (Part 1 of 2)

2011-08-23T19:29:00.002+08:00

August 07, 2011 (Sunday)

Dear Diary,

For the past weeks palagi nalang sumusulpot sa isip ko si Ex#5. Ewan ko ba. Maybe it's from listening too much of Papa Jack's radio show. Then today a friend told me some news about him. It's good to hear he's starting to do something good about his life but was afraid of hearing more than that. I realized that his effect on me still lingers in one of the deepest recesses of my mind. Coming out only when I thought I shrugged it all off when I came here and spent months of self discovery. Sabi nga sakin ng friend na yun, "Ang bitter bitter muna!". Maybe. Maybe not. But that made me regret the follow up text message I sent him. I'm going back to Manila for a one week break this September. Should I avoid crossing paths with him to not disrupt my healing process or should I look fear straight in the eyes and face him to conquer my weakness and be freed of this emotional attachment? Does he want to see me at all? Ugh! Just when I thought my Adele listening days are over!

(EDIT: 08/21/'11 Napaaga ang pagkikita namin ni Ex#5 and naging ok naman na kami. It turned out na wala naman palang dapat ika-worry.)

August 08, 2011 (Monday)

Dear Diary,

Exam namin ngayon sa Geotech. I only had one day to study kaya nose bleed and drama ko. It wasn't hard. May mga topics lang akong di naisama sa cramped study time na binigay ko sa sarili ko. I'll have to be ready next time.

On a lighter note, araw yata ngayon ng mga adik text messages na tulad ng mga 'to.

Texter#1: Low ev,bei

(Yes. Hindi ko din maintindihan kung ano ibig nyang sabihin but my common sense roughly translated it to mean "Hello. Good evening, bai." Is this the next plague to short message sending after the Jejemon Text?

Texter#2: Ano mas murang cake? Red Ribon or Goldy Lucks?

Okay, Red Ribon I can forgive, but Goldy Lucks?!? WTH?! I replied with, "Goldy Lucks". I can only imagine how he felt when he went to buy the cake and saw the store's name.

On a naughty note naman (puro notes? why, of course! I love notes!), later that evening, Goldy Lucks got lucky. After a month of drought, I finally went on a (sex)date again. I later learned that Goldy Lucks has a doctorate degree in Philosophy and Social Sciences and some Education stuffs and also an english major to boot (he showed me his resume and let me read it). It left me wondering. That much education and no sense of correct spelling? I did ask him why he asked about the cakes to get some reaction. He was oblivious. It was a good thing he's so good looking and manly. Okay, okay, maybe I'll cut him some slack for being a busy person who just came back from Singapore last month.

Now, I know this is the part everyone reading is excited about. Yes, we had sex. It was awkward though. Our background music are gospel songs and it was hard enough getting my dick associated with a new mouth. It only got harder listening to people sing "I love you, Jesus." while grinding.

Photo from here.

August 09, 2011 (Tuesday)

Dear Diary,

Hindi ako nakauwi sa boarding house kagabi kasi dun nako pinatulog ni Goldy Lucks sa bahay niya. Masyado lang siyang too-much-information. Revealing personal stuffs too easily to a total stranger and from what I could make up from his stories, he seem to be someone of high stature, was married and has two kids. We talked a great length until he asked me, "Gusto mo ba ako?". He paused a while to wait for my reply. His question was too demanding. Of course I like him.. enough to have a tryst with him but I couldn't just tell him that was all. It could hurt my chance for a second helping of the carnal experience we shared last night. Realizing that I'm having a hard time thinking for something to say, he continued, "Gusto kasi kita." Right. Like that statement made it easier for me to come up with a good line. It strained my mind that I was sure my face was making contortotions like I was constipated. I glued a smile and showed some teeth and prepared to say something but was not sure what. While my mind was battling with its own whether to be honest or to sugar coat, I heard myself blurt out an "Eh?". Realizing how stupid that sounded, I followed it up with "Ang bilis bilis mo naman kasi. First meeting palang natin. Hindi pa natin kilala ang isa't isa." While those words parted my lips, I was sure I heard someone make a snide comment at the back of my mind, 'Oo nga. First time and then sex agad. Haha!'. and then someone retorts with 'Eh kaya nga sexdate eh!' Anyways, he was fast to say na, "Nakakaadik ka kasi." Phew! It was a relief that is was just that shallow. I couldn't afford to be in a relationship in my current emotional state and in this current time.

We got out of bed at 9:30AM. He told me to wait while he prepares for work. We parted ways in front of his office building. While ascending a flight of stairs, he made some gestures and mouthed some words to me but not having worn my eyeglasses, I could not see what he was trying to say.

I was late for the morning class (8:00Am) so I just decided to sleep some hours off and attend the 1:00PM class.

Later that afternoon, I learned that Kent (one of my crushes in our boarding house) moved to another dormitory. Ang sad lang. Hindi ko na siya nakikita araw-araw. Hindi ko na siya natititigan ng matagal. Hindi ko na masisilayaan ang smile niya, na kahit may sungki, ay cute at nagpapakilig sa akin. Haaay. Ang landi ko lang.

August 10, 2011 (Wednesday)

Dear Diary,

Alam mo, nakakainis. The scores of our mid Pre Board Exam was posted today and my heart sank. Ako ang pinaka mababa sa aming grupo and at the bottom 30% of the class! Dinah, who's the slowest in our group, bested me by 15%. People have been asking me kung ano nangyari kasi karamihan sa kanila sa akin nagtatanong about the lessons. I felt like a fraud. Well, I could only blame myself. Masyado akong confident at stubborn at tamad at puro kalandian ang inaatupag. Time to get serious.

It's also a good thing na malapit ko nang matapos ang Shaman's Crossing ni Robin Hobbs. Naadik ako. It has been eating up a lot of my study time since I started reading it last Sunday. Hindi siya katulad nung huli kong nabasa na "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith ) (which was a bore, IMHO)at "Kapitan Sino" ni Bob Ong (this one's a gem!) na natatapos ko sa loob ng saktong isang linggo bawat isa dahil kaya kong tiisin na hindi sila mabasa. When it comes to Shaman's Crossing, I couldn't resist. It was the longest book I've read pero I read it the shortest. I was suddenly alarmed. Baka matulad 'to sa comic book collection ko na I had no choice but to delete kasi I couldn't stop reading. And since malapit ko na nga siyang matapos, I'm giving myself just that and then won't read the sequel unless it's a Sunday (rest day from study). I don't want get into a situation where I'm forced to destroy my book collection. I'm a geek that way.

Sinisingil na nga pala ako dito sa boarding house but I couldn't pay yet. I loaned a big chunk of my allowance to Tina last week for a family emergency. It was a good call that time para maforce akong magtipid and she promised to pay within this week. Yun nga lang, isang malaking fail. She only managed to pay me 30% of what she owed me. Just enough to get me through the week. Well, I don't really need the money now and I know our land lady is understanding enough to let me pay the rent on Monday so it was not a big deal for me. But it made me wonder. Was it wise to have agreed so easily for her to just pay some amount today and the remaining next week which is totally out of the context of our deal's conditions? Could it instill in her mind that I always have money readily available to be loaned and that I don't need it that much to think that it's ok to pay late? I thought about my landlady and asked myself if that was what I was exactly doing to her. Haizt.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Dear Diary (Part 2 of 2)

2011-08-21T13:01:00.002+08:00

August 11, 2011 (Thursday)

Dear Diary,

Wala kaming class today pero may special employment examination sa review center ang DASH Engineering. It's a Japanese subsidized design firm dealing mostly with plant and ship building. I learned that most of their projects are petro chemical plants. Sila ang manufacturer ng mga raw materials for making plastic. Habang dini-discuss yun nung general manager ng company, parang nag dalawang isip ako. I asked myself if I'm willing to work for people responsible in making those filth that kills the planet. Ayan, heto na naman ako sa mga self righteous thoughts ko. Naalala ko lang din that I had the same feeling back in my last work in Laguna. It was a housing project. Class B town houses built over rice fields. Ayun. I had that realization when I was inspecting a unit and when I turned to the window, I saw Mt. Makiling with all her glory. The remaining ricefields surrounded her like peasants worshipping a goddess. I felt dread knowing that in a couple of years, those serene ricefields will become subdivisions made of cold concrete. And I was helping in setting the destruction of such a beautiful world in action. And sad lang.

Back to the examination. I was expecting some IQ and personality tests, which were what I was accustomed to answer in employment exams like this, but it turned out to be all technical stuffs. There were some basic maths, which was too basic that I had a hard time answering, and designs. It wasn't that hard because most of them were tackled in review and some are common sense problems. I think I have a good chance in passing, then I only have to worry about the interview with the four Japanese heads and the general manager himself. If I pass then I have secured a good job that does not require passing the board exam. Of course there's my moral doubts but it could be a good fall back. Though I don't think of it that much and take it seriously because my mission is to pass the board exam this November 2011.

Talking about the board exam, may exam nga pala kami sa Hydraulics tomorrow! Study time!

August 12, 2011 (Friday)

Dear Diary,

Grabe puyat kagabi! I slept past 3:00 AM na and woke up around 7:00 AM. Ayoko nang manyari yung nangyari sa past exams ko sa review center. Nakakahiya. Kaya ayun, todo aral and I'm proud to say na I've answered every last questions! Yebah! I'm expecting a 100% score pero there could be +-5% margin of error just in case I shaded the wrong boxes kasi time na nung nag shading na ako ng answer sheets. Worst case na ang 95%. But I'm confident in my answers and it feels good. I hope to keep my future exams that way. And with that, I'm giving myself the permission to start reading the sequel to Shaman's Crossing, "Forest Mage". Excited!

'Nga pala, Tina has been talking about this group of cebu bloggers that promotes their product (Enjoy Phillippines) and I asked her if I could write for them (para may lireng priviledge kit! Haha!). Sabi niya okay daw na idea yun (siyempre hindi ko sinabing may blog ako. sabi ko lang mahilig ako magsulat) and will call the group. Pero kailangan ko munang magregister to this site na nakalimutan ko na. Tanong ko nalang sakanya mamayang dinner since sa weekends pa din naman ako makakapag internet.

Sleep mode muna. Kailangan mag recharge.

August 13, 2011 (Saturday)

Ang Saturday ng review namin ay nakalaan sa group studies about the previous weekly exam. Having confidence in my scores, I didn't feel the need to attend. I slept the morning off.

Kagigising ko lang and was doing some light reading when my father called me, which he usually does to check up on me. But that wasn't his intention this time.

"Wala na si Kim."
He was trying to be calm, as it was his training in the army under times of crises, but his voice was full of sadness.

"'Di nga Pa?"
It was a stupid question. I knew my father would not joke about his childrens' death, much more about my little sister's, who's been struggling from the clutches lymphoma for three years. But it was all I could muster, given the difficulty of the situation.

There was silence. I knew our minds were both denying that my sister just died and accepting the fact that she just did.

"Kelan Pa?"

"Kanina lang. Umuwi ka na dito. I'll send you your ticket" This time, emotions were too great that his soldier's calm is on the verge of collapsing. He had to hang up.

When I heard the news from my father, I felt nothing. No rushing of blood in the head. No upset stomach. No jelly knees. No cold sweats. No tears. It felt just like someone told me a bad joke that does not deserve any recognition. Could it be that my mind was rejecting the idea of my little sister passing away? Or was it just having a hard time digesting the news? Was it the fact that I'm always away and far from home and had little time of interaction with my siblings that their death has no impact in my emotions? Or did I have such a stone heart that I could not be sad for what happened? But I loved my little sister. I know I did. And I was ashamed that I did not feel grief. I hated myself for it.

I flew home to Manila at 4AM the next day.

Cebu Cutie : Carinderia Hunk

2011-08-17T21:48:00.001+08:00

Spotted in a carinderia near University of San Carlos. Yumminess!

**disclaimer : I only post these photos of guys because I find them goodlooking. This is not, in any way, meant to put these guys in bad light. I don't know them personally. If there are any violent reactions or complaints against the photos, just let me know and I'll take them out. Cheers!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Cebu City

Angel & Devil

2011-08-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

Note: this entry if from weeks ago.

I'm a doodler. Which means that whenever I have a pen or pencil in hand, I tend to doodle on any surface possible. That's why I easily get distracted in class while taking notes :(

This one's drawn at the back cover of my review manual while studying for an exam later! See? This is clearly me being distracted again!

Anyways, I just figured why not make something out of these random sketches and post it whenever I'm having a frustrated writer's block. :P

Back to studying!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

I Heart Papa Jack

2011-08-15T12:46:00.002+08:00

note: this is a dated post

Ever since Mommy (a fellow reviewee) and Tina (Mommy's boardmate) told me about the infamous Papa Jack and his crazy pieces of love advice, I've been addicted to his radio show ever since. Tuning in every 9:00 PM on Love Radio (97.9 here in Cebu and I can imagine some of you cringe) while studying, even my roommates have become instant fans of his show and after a few nights of having crazy laughs while listening in, the TLC: True Love Conversations virus have spread through the whole second floor of our boarding house. (note: the second floor is the guys's floor)

So, how the hell could an entire floor of male civil engineering reviewees (about 20 guys, okay, so there's a +- 15% margin for the pink sheeps among the herd, such as I, who would actually love to listen to a love advice show like this ) got hooked in listening to a radio show about feelings, relationship, love and all those mushy stuffs that come with it? Simple. Every caller that seeks Papa Jack's advice gets dished out when they really need to get dished out in a no-sugar-coating, no-non-sense, straight-to-the-point and in-your-face kind of way and it's really funny hearing Papa Jack scold them (sometimes I wonder why they still get lots of calls despite the fact that most of them callers get their asses kicked, figuratively of course) on-air but at the end of every conversations he always manages to whip out words that make a lot of sense which I mostly agree with. That every scorching hot comments he dishes out at you are necessarily evils to banish those emotional fogs that cloud your judgment. It also is a damn good laugh inducer!

I believe that I'm speaking for the rest of the guys here, despite me playing on the other team, that we may make fun of the callers (even more if it's a guy that gets all cry-baby on-air)and what they go through the hands of Papa Jack but deep inside we can relate to those people brave enough to call and learn a great deal about love, relationship and being a partner during the process.

So if you are bored and don't have anything to do, do not mind a mix of oldies and pang masa OPM love songs, a constant laughing sound effect throughout the show, wants to get a good laugh and learn a lot then do check out this radio program and I promise you won't be disappointed.

True Love Conversations
Weekdays
9:00PM-2:00AM
97.9 Love Radio

Here's Papa Jack when no DJ-ing

Kimberly

2011-08-13T19:28:00.002+08:00

"Golden Heart"

God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not meant to be,
So he put his arms around you
and whispered "Come to Me".
With tearful eyes we watched you,
as we saw you pass away.
Although we loved you deeply,
we could not make you stay.
Your Golden Heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Copyright © 1997 Therese Williamson

Goodbye little sister. Your memories will always be with us.

:(

Photo from here

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Jack Out of the Box

2011-08-05T12:35:00.002+08:00

Photo from here

I know a lot of gay people who refuse to believe that gay relationships are inferior to those of heterosexual ones because they never seem to last. But who can really blame them? We were trained by society and religion with a boxed notion of right and morally acceptable set of rules to follow - and that does not include being gay and being in a relationship.

It could also be because of all the failed relationships, or lack thereof, they had in the past. Having thought of all possible explanations they could conjure in their minds on why those ended the way they have and coming up with the conclusion, but refusing to believe, that they are the ones responsible in one way or another, they cling to the notion that "gay relationships do not work" to spare themselves. For the acceptance of errors are for the courageous, humble and wise alone.

In reality, there really isn't that much of a difference between heterosexual and homosexual relationships. Both go through the same problems. Infidelity, petty quarrels, jealousy, mistrust, possessiveness, incompatibility and the likes. I guess the only leverage straight relationships have is the fact that they can come out in the open and have all these social rules backing them up and guiding the relationship. Although beneficial, being put inside a box could prove to be a double edged sword for this box could easily become a prison.

Gay ones on the other hand are mostly born out of secrecy that's why whenever things go south it's easy to break things up because it's a tabboo after all, right? After basking in the good things of this "tabboo", we suddenly turn self righteous declaring that ending things is the right thing to do when bad things explode. Without the external force of the "box", there is always an easy exit. But without the box, there is freedom of the soul. You can be who you really can be. But venturing outside the confines of the social paradigms is scary for there are no rules but your rules. The guiding force for living outside the box comes solely from within you, your values, priorities, will power and strength of character. For without those, you're just like a smoke vanishing into thin air as it escapes its confinement.

Tadhana

2011-07-30T16:57:00.003+08:00

Sa hindi inaasahang
Pag-tatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nag-dugtong
Damang dama na ang ugong nito

'Di pa ba sapat
Ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko
Ipararanas sayo?
Ibinubunyag ka
Ng iyong matang
Sumisigaw ng pagsinta

Ba't 'di pa patulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang?
Tayong umaasang
Hilaga't kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip sayo

Saan nga ba patungo?
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan
Ang bagyo ng tadhana
Ay dinadala ako
Sa init ng bisig mo

Ba't 'di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin?
Ipauubaya nalang ba 'to sa hangin?
'Wag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto akong nakikinig sayo

Ba’t ‘di salubungin
Ang puso ko at kunin?
Ang diwang malaya
Huwag na huwag magpabaya pa
Ikaw ang pag-ibig
Pakinggan ang himig ko
Wala na sanang lalayo
Mundong ito ay hihinto...

-Tadhana, Up Dharma Down

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Hesperioidea

2011-07-22T12:47:00.002+08:00

Confirmed!

Hindi pa naman pala ako nag devolve into a society-pressured-and-brain-washed-gay-turned-straight-guy-daw like what I have written in my previous post. Pa-effect lang pala yun!

But seriously, Cebu has this certain effect on me. Or it could just be the fact na malayo ako sa lahat ng pwedeng gumulo sa isip ko at hindi crazily fast paced and buhay dito, giving me time to discover who I really am and be aware of all my thoughts.

It could also be the people around me. It's a humbling experience na makasalamuha ang mga tao from all sorts of walks of life. May mga may kaya. May mga super tipid para magkasya ang allowance na P1,000 a month. May mga workaholic. Mga nagbabagong buhay. Mga simpleng probinsyano. May mga pursigido. Mga relihiyoso. Conservative. Wild. May mga may itsura. Meron ding di pa nauuso ang mga beauty ngayong 21st century. Mga Muslim. Christian. Ilocano. Cebuano. Bicolano. Davaoeno. Surigaonon. Waray. Ilonggo.

Everyone has their own inspiring stories to tell na talagang mapapabilib ka. Parang nag marathon ka lang ng one year worth of episodes ng Maalaala mo Kaya habang nakikipag kwentuhan. Yung tipong pang teleserye ang mga buhay. It really happens pala talaga. (Syet! I'm so coño!)

Everyone starts off as strangers pero somehow, amidst all those differences, maganda ang pakikisama ng lahat and away from all the glitz, glamour, fast pace and superficiality of city life, I realized that there are things bigger than me and my own little drama club at hindi lahat nasusukat sa kung ilan na ang FB friends mo, kung anong generation ang iPhone mo, ilan ang gaming consoles mo
na pang display lang, kotse, mga bansang napuntahan, gaano kadami ang bote ng anti-aging creams mo, gaano kalaki ang sahod mo at gaano ka kadalas mag night-out. People I've met here are people who have strived hard to survive. People who're so full of dreams, it overflows and infects every veins in your body. May mga taong mas malaki pa ang problema at napagdaanan sa buhay kesa sa akin pero ang lakas ng fighting spirit. Very overwhelming talaga ang experience knowing and being surrounded by these kind of people.

It made me feel more alive and as I learned the lessons about their life stories, I learned so much more about mine.

They are my cocoon.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Paradigm Shift

2011-07-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

I deleted all my scratching post contacts.

I turn my head to girls passing by and give them a hot-or-not stare.

I'm having girl crushes.

Daydreams about having a girlfriend.. and having sex.

Attends a weekly Men's Group that talks about how to be a real man and - gasp! - the bible

And now I've been reading Sex & Love Guide for Men on how to satisfy girls for days now.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Cebu Cutie: Fully Geeked

2011-07-13T15:29:00.001+08:00

Spotted on Fully Booked, Ayala Center browsing the shelves of sci-fi novels.. my kind of geek!

**disclaimer : I only post these photos of guys because I find them goodlooking. This is not, in any way, meant to put these guys in bad light. I don't know them personally. If there are any violent reactions or complaints against the photos, just let me know and I'll take them out. Cheers!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Cebu Cutie : Colored Balls

2011-07-05T13:29:00.001+08:00

Spotted somewhere in the heart of (Blakrabit? lol) Cebu City is this super cute chinito guy! Gotta love'em FilChi's!

**disclaimer : I only post these photos of guys because I find them goodlooking. This is not, in any way, meant to put these guys in bad light. I don't know them personally. If there are any violent reactions or complaints against the photos, just let me know and I'll take them out. Cheers!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Finding My True North (Part 2 of 3)

2011-06-29T17:39:00.000+08:00

I am not trying to preach or get all philosophical here but when you get to finally see things clearly and feel your connection with the universe, you'd want the world to know. Leonardo Da Vinci was right when he said, "Everything, in some way, is connected to everything else in the universe."

I guess I was first made aware of this fact when my aunt helped my mom start a small business. Though I live with my dad because he's the well-off one, I help my mom out with my two siblings' school allowance. That's one of the reasons why I couldn't afford to be jobless back then. I needed to help. But the odds have been in favor of me. My aunt's help made my hands less bounded by that responsibility.

Then there was the continuous stress build up at work, the "magic" that's been happening in the site and in a work place where the licensed and ass-kissers get all the glory, I knew It's not the garden I wanna be planted in. I wanna bloom somewhere else.

Friends who finally passed the May 2011 CE Board Exam. There was a pang of envy when I saw their Face Book walls filled with congratulations.

Of course, the climactic break-up with the boyfriend was as dramatic as ever. Lots of MMK moments. A true crowd pleaser.

And there was my dad who's been constantly bugging me to take the board exam again. All expences paid by him.

I knew he was right when he told me that I'm just a half-baked engineer without the license. I guess passing the board exam is the "ting!" an oven makes when it's done baking. But I couldn't afford not to work back then so I just shrugged it off. I took out the cookie dough before the oven could even make its sound, put it on the shelves and planned for it to be completely comsumed by the molds of fear, procrastination, lack of ambition and interest. Or until someone hungry enough to ignore its half-baked goodness and moldiness comes along to take a bite. But is anybody ever that hungry?

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Finding My True North (Part 3 of 3)

2011-06-28T13:55:00.001+08:00

So, given those opportunities, it was the best time to resign from work, battle my inner demons, review and retake the board exam. It was just all perfect. The timing. The events. The spiritual awareness. The personal growth. The professional knowledge.

But not before I resisted everything that's been happening. I guess it's human nature. Rebellion. Always going the other way. Always insisting what he wants. Not wanting to be led by something unknown. Or maybe I was just afraid of change. Afraid that after risking everything I have, I might screw it up. It was a big decision. I needed a sign.

So I tried to be better at work but just couldn't take sucking it up to the higher ups. Problems in my field are still the bitchiest. And worse, they kept on having puppies!

I tried to meet up with some guys but we really only wanted to be sucking each other's dicks. The ones that spark with me lead very complicated lives so we can't really hit it off at the moment.

I tried to do the forgive-and-forget crap with my former spark but it turned out to be far more complicated than that. So I ended up not acknowledging his presence on a get together with friends I invited him into. And him ending up on my blocked list and everyone strongly connected to him on my unfriend list.

I tried to block out my dad's constant ramblings about the board exam but he's right and he's paying, so he won over.

Then it was over. I knew exactly why I could never do all of those things. I was not supposed to. It was life telling me what I should be doing and where I should be doing it.

And so, just like the good boy I am not, I went with its flow. Not resisting even the tiniest bit.

Why Cebu?

Because it was where I wanted to be all along. I thought the decision was based on my dad's original plan of sending me here the first time around but my first day here was a revelation. A memory of my fifth grade art project came bursting into my thoughts. Drawn using oil pastel on a one-fourth sized illustration board, it was a city filled
with restaurants, malls, stores and movie houses. Then surrounding it is the deep blue sea with fishermen scattered across to experience its abundant produce. Not far away are the mountains. Green and shrouded by white clouds. It was supposed to be the place where I ideally want to live in.

When the memory faded, there I was, sitting at the back of a van my father's friend owns. Crossing the bridge from Mactan to Mandaue. Overlooking Cebu City and its neighbors. Mesmerized by the waves of blue surrounding it. Calmed by the green mountains that protect it.

I have never felt this sure about anything in my life before.

It was my sign.

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Finding My True North (Part 1 of 3)

2011-06-28T13:50:00.001+08:00

... or in this case, my True South.

It's been a month now since I first arrived here in the Queen City of the South to review for my board exam.

When friends ask me why, of all places, I chose to be exiled in this far flung city of Cebu when there is a plethora of civil engineering review centers proliferating in the busy streets of Manila, I just say, "I needed to escape a bitter past."

While it's not a lie, it's not the complete truth either. I just do it to give it a bit of drama and avoid long explanations. I'm never good at explanations. And I'm too lazy to give one. Three birds with one stone.

It was my failed relationship that gave me that final push to move way, waaaay down south. It was my kick-in-the-butt. And I am still bitter about that part.

Well, thinking about it, I have been following that direction my entire life. Makati. Taguig. Paranaque. Las Pinas. Muntinlupa. Laguna. Places that have chunks of my past. And now, Cebu. All to the south.

Anyways, those were just a part of a grand scheme of events that the universe set in motion to get me here.

Yes. The Universe.

Location:Biliran Rd,Cebu City,Philippines

Carinderia Cutie #1

2011-06-18T14:28:00.001+08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Cebu City

One Hot Summer Weekend

2011-06-02T14:28:00.001+08:00

As much as I'd like to post something intellectually deep and heart warming, my review schedule just won't let me.

Yeah, I'm reviewing for my board exam here in Cebu. Why I chose to be this far south is on a later article which I promise to post probably this weekend.

Anyways, to keep you guys occupied for the moment is another eye candy from our Laguna trip with my ex-collegues last May.

This cutie was spotted in the footwear capital of Laguna, the town of Liliw.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Mcdo-licious

2011-05-23T01:00:00.005+08:00

We were on a trip to Nagcarlan, Laguna with my ex-officemates last May 14 and I just lost my wallet pero parang wala lang dahil nakita ko sya! Yes, iindahin ko ang lungkot in the name of kalandian! Bigla tuloy ako napabili kahit wala na akong pera makunan ko lang siya at ma-share sa inyong lahat and gusto ko din kasing sumunod sa mga yapak ng greatest-voyeur-of-them-all, si Miss Chuni!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Location:Sta. Cruz, Laguna

The Places We Should Have Gone

2011-05-17T00:11:00.001+08:00

Wong Fu Production's Strangers, Again have been on the top of my Top Breakup Videos for weeks during my first month off my last relationship but only their The Places We Should Have Gone got me crying because it was so close to my reality.

I liked how this beautifully made short film's ending was open ended and is subjected to the viewers' interpretation.

So, what do you guys think happened in the end?

As for me, Becky moved on.

"We often want second chances. Sometimes we don't deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes."

*disclaimer*

quote and video are from here

Foreman

2011-05-10T16:32:00.002+08:00

Kung hindi lang ako magreresign, ako ang magiging boss ng bagong yummy foreman namin! He'll be under me, literally. Chos!

Napapakagat labi na lang ako.

Ang cute nya lang mag smile.

Ang cute nya ring mag smile in side view.

*water* *water*

Buti nalang hindi eskandalosong kumuha ng video ang iPT4. Ahihihi.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod Touch

Strangers, Again

2011-04-28T00:36:00.001+08:00

We were in his room.

Though we've seen each other a couple of times in gatherings with friends, it was actually the first time we met, as lovers.

I still remember how tidy his room was. It was a far cry from my dumpster. With bright polished floor, I was hesitant to drag my shoes in. Afraid that I might bring in some dirt from outside but he said it was ok.

The AC was on max, I guess... or was I just nervous because my hands were freezing the moment I stepped inside? We'll be attending a Christmas Party later that night with friends so he was preparing. I went and sat at the right side of his couch as I wait. There wasn't really so much talking that time. I guess we were both nervous and speechless.

"Okay ka lang diyan? Patabi."

Finally, no more awkward, silent, waiting moments. I was relieved to hear him speak but my heart pounded tremendously as I realized the implications of those words. I was caught off guard. Part of me wanted to feel his warmth but another was afraid that if he saw me closer, he'll realize how imperfect I am.

But it didn't matter to him. He put his left arm around my shoulder and his right grabbed my waist, locking me in a soft but passionate embrace. I can feel his warm body but I was frozen. I couldn't move. I don't want to move. I was afraid that a flick of a finger or a blink or an inhale might ruin the moment. My stomach was filled with butterflies and my heart was pounding as fast and as loud like it has never been this alive before.

He moved his head closer to mine. His sweet breath sending me closer to euphoria.Then with a soft push, his lips touched mine. I could literally feel the electricity travel from my lips to my spine. It was heaven It was our first..

"He was my unicorn. Unbelievable. Crazy special. The guy I thought could never exist. It was a dream come true. The guy I wanted to be with so so badly, was finally mine."

My last two entries were cryptic but I know you guys have figured it out. RT and I are no longer together for about a month now. The past weeks have been tough. Break ups are never easy for both parties and I would just like to say that it was a mutual decision. There were no aggrieved parties and no victims.I guess when you really love the person, you have to do what's right even if it calls for hardship and sacrifice. I just got caught up in denial after that's why It took me some time to tell a friend.

I never really fully understood this until recently but I know life is leading us into taking separate paths. It's telling us that we have these journeys that we have to take alone in order to become better individuals. The universe have gone into too much trouble just to conspire with the events that will lead us where we are now, so whatever we have to do alone must have a great importance in our lives and no matter how far we go down our roads, I know that our paths will cross again eventually.

"I think that, if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time... and I'll be thankful for that... and I hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that's the best we could wish for."

**disclaimer**

photos are from here and here

quotes are from Strangers, Again

Hang Around

2011-04-24T23:01:00.004+08:00

All I want, really, is someone who will hang around. A guy who just really loves.... to be with me. I never imagined it would be this hard.

You find people like Randy who is on the same wavelength as you are but is emotionally unavailable and cold to even feel your warmth.

You then meet an Oliver who shares the same interests you do but is too egoistically self centered so you can never really call him yours.

There was a Warren who could love you with all his heart but the wall he built around himself, to be invulnerable, is just too strong even for him to break free no matter how hard he tries.

You venture into a gamble, risking friendship with Edison, but the vast field of differences really do get to you at some point and the friendship lost.

You try to connect with Larry who says he wants someone serious but finds out later that he's got commitment and personal issues and just couldn't afford to share his life with you.

Then you hit it off with Lawrence who was very sweet in the beginning. But then, promises of him making up for the things you do never happened, inconsistencies accompany his romantic gestures and eventually, his sparks started dying out on you

Then after everything that happened, you try to kid and play around yourself but what happens when you get tired? Yeah, what happens when you get tired?

What was all the pain for?
Well, hell if I know
And how much do I have in store?
Hell if I know now, I just don’t know

So true like you’re holding onto something
Like you’ve been in love with me for centuries

Singing hang around for me
You’ve got to hang around for me
If I’m gonna hang around for you

-Hang Around by Gregory Douglass, Shelter

**disclaimer**

this post was inspired by an article by marvinjammin

photos were from Gay Male Couples
Yes, those are guys from my past. Not in chronological order. Not their real names.

Minus

2011-04-12T17:46:00.003+08:00

I got lost and it didn't end up great. It wasn't a happy ending.. but, it was just a storybook. It was just a story with a sad ending, not real. No one's got any idea. But if people know and they see how devastated I am - then it's real! And it did happen. I didn't mean to get so lost!

Paved Paradise

2011-01-30T20:06:00.001+08:00

YouTube Video

I could spend a day just marveling at this sight. How the rice plants gently sway as the wind runs across the field, the majestic sight of Mt. Makiling.

Too bad after a few years' time, this rice field will just be another B-Class subdivision.

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got till it's gone They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

-Big Yellow Taxi, Counting Crows

The Frustrated Chef's Garlic Herb Chicken

2011-01-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

Good morning ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you for tuning on us again!

Welcome to the Frustrated Chef's Show!

*clap* *clap* *clap*

Our recipe for today is.. drumrolls please...

..oh, yun na nga pala yung title hehehe, plangak!

Since kaming dalawa ni papa RT ko ay mga dukha lamang, we don't usually get out on a date that much. Movie dates are only possible for those big-budget-special-effects-driven movies of each quarter! Yes, quarter talaga. Unless it's the MMFF, where you don't have a choice but to help our country's dying film industry or when barkadas bug us for a movie get together. For the rest of the movies that do not fit the description, kuntento na kami sa paghihintay sa kanila sa torrentz.com at panonood sa 32" LCD TV ni RT with matching surround sound. Parang sine na din, nakatipid pa! For dinner dates naman, bihira na din kami lumabas (dukha nga kami). Super special occassions lang and when we both have extra money to spare or when I find out about this super-affordable-and-excellent hard to find hole-in-the-wall resto. But on the rest of the special nights, being frustrated chefs, we just cook something fancy every now and then. It definitely beats dining out! No hassles, no gastos, plus it's something that we both do together. Oh ha! Oh ha!

This is where we usually get our recipes. This app is a life saver!

Allrecipes.com

So eto na ang pinili naming lutuin!

AllRecipes on RT's iPad, mas sosyal ang interface!

I tricked RT to put a LOT of garlic! teehee!

syempre talagang kelangang isingit sa shot si iPad

my favorite spices! tarragon, pepper, and garlic! RT added some italian seasoning in the mix for added flavor. :D

whisking in the olive oil.. then the chicken breasts

the nice shots were from RT phone

marinate for about 2hrs.. wrap in foil.. then bake in the oven.. for...hmm.. tinantya lang namin kasi ibang size ng cuts nung chicken.

at ang finished product

... tandadadan!!

Super sarap mga pre! As in RACKS delish! Oi, hindi ito biased porket kami ang nagluto... okay sige, medyo dry sya ng konti kasi tinanggal namin yung foil habang binebake pero malasa talaga siya. :D

It's never frustrating to make Garlic Herb Chicken.

'Till next time!

Stay tuned!

Manok

2011-01-24T12:35:00.001+08:00

YouTube Video

Wala lang. I'm just trying if I could upload vids using the BlogPress app.

The Soft Truth

2011-01-23T01:00:00.002+08:00

Sabado, kakauwi ko lang ng bahay galing Laguna. Nagmeryenda. Nakipag chikahan sa kapatid. Inayos ang gamit sa kwarto. Since ako lang naman ang walang laptop sa bahay (RIP DELLilah) kinailangan kong hiramin ang laptop ni Itay para ma-charge ko ang aking ipod at manood ng aking Angel series (na sa wakas ay natapos ko na ding madownload after 1 year c/o RT). Lo and behold, etong window na ito ang tumambad sa akin nung kinuha ko ang laptop nya!!

Syet! Kinikilabutan ako habang iniimagine kong nagdyudyug dyugan sina Itay at Step Mom! Blech! (>_<)

BEYNTE SINGKO (21-25)

2011-01-20T12:26:00.001+08:00

Speaking of 25, naalala ko hindi pa pala kumpleto yung "25 Things About Me" na series of posts ko. So here it is from where I left off.

1-10

11-20

BEYNTE UNO

Yung mga notebooks at libro ko hindi nawawalan ng scribbles sa likod. Nung highschool, whenever my teachers check my notes, they would always put a note "anong pinag gagagawa mo back pages ng notebook mo!?". I guess it was a symbolic manifestation that I'm living double lives. Someone who is inside society's boundaries in front and outside of the box at the back. When it comes to my books, hindi lang scribbles meron kundi set of animated scenes. Mas makapal ang libro, mas mahabang scenes ang nagagawa ko and yes, I use up all the book's pages. My work would be something like that gif image on the right side of my blog page.

BEYNTE DOS

I like my taho without the arnibal and sago. Also I prefer original flavored soymilk!

BEYNTE TRES

Ewan ko ba pero naiirita ako or naasiwa when someone or something other than me touches my stomach and my knees. Kaya hindi lumalampas ang ID lace ko sa dibdib (or I don't wear one) at ang shorts ko ay above the knee. Yes, I am indeed a psychologically ill person. Teehee! Minsan yan ang panlaban ni RT sakin kapag kinikiliti ko kilikili nya (armpit fetish? LOL), hinahawakan nya tyan or tuhod ko!

BEYNTE KWATRO

This may not come as a surprise for all of you kasi evident naman sya sa blog ko, I am a foodie! I like discovering hole-in-the-wall restos and places where you get quality food with budget friendly prices!

BEYNTE SINGKO

I'm a practicing Buddhist and I know I've got a lot more to learn to become a real one. I'm just taking it one step at a time since you really have to adapt to the Buddhist way of life before you can finally say "This works for me." No, I'm not preaching here and I won't go down the religion-comparing way. I just believe that we all have the right to pick our own religion (when we are of the deciding age) instead of what our parents decide is good for us when we were just mindless, innocent, cute little babies. But if you already love and believe in your initial religion, then it's all good. For the rest, Tabula Rasa, start with a clean slate.

25

2011-01-19T10:58:00.001+08:00

I just turned 25.

I wasn't really looking forward and expecting some big, exciting celebration to happen on my day. Heck, I was even planning on sleeping this one out after the traditional family dinner like I did Christmas and New Year.

Well, I guess what I'm saying is, as a guy who very much loves surprises, I was uh.. surprised with the turn of events.

Akala ko nga (syet, biglang kabig ng Tagalog. Nosebleed na kasi LOL!) I'll be subjected to a boring birthday but I was wrong.

It was supposed to be just OK pero naging MASAYA!

To start things off, I spent my first birthday hours with RT. Ang original plan kasi, I'll celebrate with my family in advance para on the day itself si RT na kasama ko (we're supposed to just cook something fancy for dinner) pero sabi ni Itay aakyat kami ng Tagaytay on my birthday, so change of plans. Syempre gusto ko yung partner ko kasama ko when the clock reads 12:01 AM so I opted to stay at RT's and go home the next day.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay hindi na pala tuloy ang Tagaytay trip namin. I wasn't shocked, really. Mabilis talaga magbago ng plano ang mga tao sa bahay haha! But they more than made it up by preparing a sumptuous feast. Akala ko nga may dadating na bisita kaya isasabay nalang sa birthday ko pero para sakin pala talaga yun. Also, kaya pala hindi natuloy yung supposed Tagaytay dining kasi hindi pwedeng ilabas yung kapatid kong kaka-chemo pa lang.

Anyways, natuwa naman ako kasi parang kiddie party lang with matching cake and number candles to blow! Ang dami ko din palang bisita mostly mga kapitbahay namin na di ko naman talaga close pero oks lang. It felt like I was back being a kid again. Without responsibilities. It's selfish but there was a part of me who wanted to be stuck in the moment. Thought lang naman, of course the bliss (yes, this is a V reference) eventually faded after ng handaan at konting kwentuhan. It was a special celebration, none the less.

Salamat kay Itay, Step Mom, Sisters, mga kasambahay at mga bisita! :D

"First, the kiddie parties (gifts, games and feasts) stop. Then when you're too old for those, you jusr celebrate it with a family dinner in a nice restaurant and, instead of wrapped gifts, cash is a more practical incentive (In me and my siblings' case, we get P1,000 on our birthdays). Then you get older and you now have a job, it all feels that it's your turn to do all the pleasing since your supposed to be financially capable already. It sucks right?"

The day after my birthday is the first day of work week. Birthdays in the office mean free merienda at gastos para sa celebrant! Ritwal na yun sa office kaya kailangang pangatawanan. Marami na din naman akong naexperience na meryenda so quits lang at dumating kasi si boss so no choice talaga. I bought a huge bilao of pansit for the whole crew and some softdrinks. Grabe ang gastos (T ^ T) but it was OK kasi Boss invited everyone for a dinner / inuman after office. Post celebration daw for me! Yes, Boss always take us out to dinner and some drinks but this time, this one's for me. I couldn't express how honored I was. Finally, I felt like one of the big leagues (yung mga mas nauna at may mas matataas na posisyon sakin). The dinner was fun (hindi ko na iisa isahin mga pangyayari basta masaya siya hehe) and we ended it with a toast for me!

Syempre, being someone who doesn't want to be under the spotlight of attention, I was awkward during those for-me-celebrations. But I was deeply touched sa effort at importance na natanggap ko for my birthday. I was even worried, having constantly checking my FB wall, na baka walang bumati but instead, I got tons of them!

Thank you everyone!

I don't know what's with becoming 25 years old but I sure didn't feel any older.

I felt younger, to say the least.

It was a happy two days.

(o^^o)

Joy

2011-01-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

in reply to master Mugen's entry Search For The T'boli

Yeah, they are our society's open secret. More than people like us.

I had a classmate, who also is a close friend, who is openly (but not loudly) dating lesbians. She never really specified her orientation but I guess her preference speaks for herself. I remember her showing me the tricks and trades of hooking up with the same sex (in her case, girls). MIRC chatrooms and Downelink.com, which she initially typed minus the "e". Because I couldn't bear no more after some minutes of her figuring out why the hell isn't she directed to te site, I had to correct her with that and pretend to be amused with the MIRC interface while looking innocently, thus, keeping my cover as her straight, geeky classmate.

"Hmm.. ayaw gumana Ate Joy eh. Invalid yata yung URL. Baka kulang ng letter? Baka may "e" sa gitna?"

"Pano gumamit nyan? Ayos yan ah! Kelangan pa mag register? Eh Pano mo makikita yung mga chatrooms? Waa! Nakakalito naman!"

She even taught me the categories of her kind.

HARD BUTCH - Manly in every way, even more manly than a regular straight guy. The only things keeping them from crossing over Adam's side are their bandage flattened boobs and umm.. their vagina! The lesbians' version of our transvestites.

SOFT BUTCH - Dresses like a guy but with some girly touch here and there. More fashion conscious than the HBs

LIPSTICK LESBO -Ate Joy belongs to this category. They are our Pamintas without the society's intense pressure to keep them hiding inside their closets. I mean, c'mon, most people will be amazed if a LL revealed herself. Disgust from the closeminded, on the other hand, is what we get for the same revelation.

Since we both were living in dorms, we get to spend an awful lot of time
together. I learned about her previous relationships (all are of the same sex) and witnessed her flirt and have relatioships online and thru texts. Just like how most PLUs do business.

There was no urge to tell her my truth at all. I mean, yes, sometimes I felt guilty when she told stories of her relationships and I kept hiding under a mask of the-straight-and-single-loner-who-is-too-geeky-and-self-absorbed-to-notice-the-opposite-sex but I guess I felt that I had everythig to lose... and she's not the secret keeping kind (not deliberately, of course). Although I did confess to Ate Joy's dormmate, a girl she wants me to woo, but did not believe me.

Oh well. The very first time you had the courage and a trustworthy person to tell who you really are and they call you a liar?! That sucked!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Location:C-5,Taguig City,Philippines

Bagong T

2011-01-09T09:17:00.000+08:00

Okay, medyo late na 'tong New Year's Resolution entry ko eh kasi naman pinahupa ko muna ang kaguluhan sa mga NYR entries ng ibang blogs para mapansin naman ako LOL! Biro lang, ang totoo nyan nag muni-muni muna ako kung gagawa pa ba ako eh napaka cliche naman kasi halos lahat naglabasan ng NYR nila. Kaya lang since inggitero ako eh di nakayanan ng aking powers na magpigil kaya eto na sila! Haha! Medyo iniklian ko lang ang lista at sigurado naman akong di ko matutupad karamihan kapag mahaba. Pinili ko din yung mga madadali at malapit sa katotohanan para naman di ako mapahiya! Take note, tagalog 'tong entry na 'to. Nagka anemia na kasi ako kaka-english!

1. YOSI BREAK
As in break na sa pagyoyosi. Number 1 talaga 'to dahil ito pinakamahirap gawin. Kinailangan pang sumakit dibdib ko ng husto para mapahinto ako sa yosi 2 years ago kaya lang 1 year lang tinagal at balik yosi ulit (T ^ T).

2. MAGPAPAYAT
Yes, sobrang taba ko na! Eh pano ba naman kasi tingin ko plano talaga kaming lahat patabain ng boss ko para di sya mainsecure sa size nya! (joke!) *ubo*malapitnasummer*ubo*

3. PESCETARIAN
Once upon a time naging vegetarian ako dahil sa pangyayari sa #1. 1year din yun ah! Tapos dumating ang lecheng holiday season. Eh araw araw ka ba namang humaharap sa mga masasarap na meat dishes ewan ko na lang kung hindi ka ma-brainwash sa pagkain! hmpft! And since ayaw ko namang mapahiya agad sa pagshift from meat to no-meat, isasama ko na muna ang mga seafood sa aking diet.. at siyempre, ang meat ni RT! Bwahaha!

4. SAVE!
Ainaku! 1 year nako kumakayod, it's about time makapag ipon naman ako.

5. UPGRADE
Pinipilit na ko ni Itay na kumuha ng board exam kaya lang medyo burned out pako mag-aral tsk. Supposedly this May na pero prinoject ko nalang sa November para sure ball or pwede din maurong ng May '12 depende sa sitwasyon haha! Ang alam ko lang inevitable na ang pag-take ng board exam kahit na gusto ko nang lumipat ng ibang field (multi media arts).

6. BLOG MORE
Ang dami ko nang napalampas na ideas at stories dahil sa katamaran kong magsulat haha! Anyways, with my new iBlogger app, siguro naman mas gaganahan nako kahit papano. Blogging on the go! Yebah! Expect more foodtrip entries dahil dami kong gustong i-feature na pagkain (goodluck sa #2). Also, I'll try my hands on some fictions *excited* ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." - Oprah Winfrey

Anniversary Special Part 4: Bawai's Vietnamese Kusina

2010-12-31T12:25:00.004+08:00

"Bawai, which is Vietnamese for grandmother, is a homey restaurant inside one of Tagaytay’s retirement communities. It’s actually the home of Vergilio & Yong Tatlonghari. Yong, a Vietnamese, settled in the Philippines after marrying her Filipino husband. A great cook, her home was always open to her children and grandchildren, who wanted to share their bawai’s fantastic Vietnamese meals. When strangers started showing up at their doorstep, they took that as a sign to open a portion of their home as a restaurant."

This is a place worth traveling for because of their scrumptious Vietnamese food! We discovered the place just days before our Tagaytay celebration via Anton of Our Awesome Planet and because we wanted to taste authentic Vietnamese food, we decided to include this on our anniversary itinerary on the last minute.

I got their contact number onlinr and made a lunch reservation for two. An old man answered the phone, probably Mr. Tatlonghari himself, and took my details but then later instructed me to just send in a text message so that he won't forget. After some hours, I got a reply with a sorry for not replying immediately and a confirmation for my reservation. Also included is a list of the menu and the driving direction to the restaurant. Since initially, we were supposed to use the public transport, I inquired for the commuting directions and immediately got a phone call from Mr. Tatlonghari. He then instructed me on where and what to ride. Now that's what you call great service! I felt like we are valued visitors and not just mere customers.

Finding Bawai's is a bit hard because they do not have signages along the highway. We had to make a U-turn because we drove past the entrance to the compound. All we had were maps and directions we got online.

It was a Sunday and the restaurant was packed with famished customers. We were excited to finally taste those yummy dishes we only had the chance to see in photos online but that excitement faded when a mix up with the reservation occurred. Our reservation was not listed! I tried to reason out with the gate staff and showed him my confirmation messages but to no avail. Okay, I was losing my cool and my interest when I called Mr. Tatlonghari about the situation. He then said sorry and called the restaurant (he was tending their other branch). It was a good he fixed it or else I would've wrecked havoc in the blogworld! *evil laugh*

Anyways, we were invited in and given a table for two. It turned out, our names were mixed up with another. There were two groups inside the converted sala, one with 15pax and another with 8pax. Upon ordering, another group of about 6 came and I guess that's just the maximum number the restaurant can accommodate. The others groups were too noisy talking so we got shy taking photos other than what was on our table. Our meal was cooked rather quickly despite the fact that they lost the list of my advanced orders.

Complimentary Pandan Tea

Since we were still full from our breakfast at Sonya's, we started off with just a plate of three pieces of Goi Cuon (Vietnamese fresh lumpia) with peanut sauce for the appetizer. One bite into the Goi Cuon and we know it’s freshly made. The shrimp is tender and seemed to be bursting out of its transparent wrap. The veggies crunchy and a tarragon leaf was a nice surprise. There's also a beef strip on the other side which provides that meaty taste.

Goi Cuon (Vietnames Fresh Lumpia)

Next comes our main dish, Pho Bo for RT and Bun Thang for me.

RT's pick: Pho Bo (Beef Noodle Soup)

I don't know it tasted but RT said it was delicious. There's something to the broth that enhances its beefy flavor. The beef was also easy to chew.

My Pick: Bun Thang (Seafood and Egg Noodle Soup

I love everything seafood and this one is one of the best! I agree with RT that the broth has this special taste I can't figure out.

My pick: Pandan Iced Tea

Nothing better to sooth your thirst but a fresh pandan iced tea. It tasted a little bit like the famous sago't gulaman.

RT's pick: Vietnamese Iced Coffee

They used condensed milk that's why the milk stayed at the bottom.

Bahn Da Lon

Because of the mix up earlier, Bawai or Lola Yong was very apologetic and gave us two of these, on the house. I guess it's the Vietnamese version of our local sapin-sapin or maja blanca. This is made with pandan (green) and monggo beans (yellow). It is topped with coconut cream and a sprinkling of crushed peanuts.

What I really like about Bawai's, besides their good food, is that, whenever not busy, they will entertain you as their own guest. You need to reserve and order in advance since each meal is cooked by Bawai herself. I do hope it remains that way, and the food don't get commercialized like most Vietnamese restaurants in Manila. The secret to Bawai's food is authentic imported ingredients from Vietnam sent by Bawai's friends and relatives.

Because lola Yong herself cooks all the dishes, Bawai’s kitchen is only open on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays for lunch and dinner. Also, due to Bawai’s limited space, reservation is a must. For reservations, call 0920-9722924.

Bawai’s Vietnamese Kusina

Brgy. Bukal, Silang, Cavite

+63 920 972-2924

Location map:

Click on the map to see the larger version.

Anniversary Special Part 3: Sonya's (Not So) Secret Garden

2010-12-31T09:20:00.000+08:00

After our lunch date at Buon Giorno, we then headed to our next destination, Sonya's Garden.

We chose Sonya's Garden because netizens were just raving about it's good reviews so we had to check it out. It was initially just a restaurant featuring healthy organic buffet meals in a garden setting but as people started flock the place and wanted to spend a little more time with it's wonderfully tranquil garden, the Bead & Breakfast facility was born. It was really inevitable because with the beauty of the place, some hours of stay aren't enough.

For a weekend stay, they charge P3,400 per person (P3,000 on weekdays). Yes, it's a little hefty on our pockets but we really wanted our first anniversary to be special and memorable so we picked a unique place to stay. On our second anniversary, we could have a typical anniversary celebration, eat in a typical restaurant and stay in a typical hotel but not on our first. Firsts should always be special.

I made a reservation three weeks in advance for Dec. 11-12 but December being a peak season, all of the rooms were reserved so we had to settle for the Dec 18-19 weekend. But I guess fate was with us when someone backed out and we got a slot on our preferred date. It was good that I decided to put our names in the wait list for that date. :D

It was a little hard to find but I guess that adds to its charm because you'll never think that a place like it would exist inside their compound. This is probably the reason why it was previously called Sonya's Secret Garden.

We got there just in time for our check-in, 2:00 PM (check-out time was 12NN the next day)

The Garden

The dining hall

Sonya's is of course well known for its lush gardens, you will be astonished of the stunning huge area planted with thousands of varieties of fruiting and flowering plants. I asked our attendant for the lot area but I forgot what he said, haha! It would be perfect to be here in the summer just in time to see the garden bloom, an authentic burst of colors which is truly relaxing and delighting to the senses. No wonder that there are people who just drop by to take lovely pictures of the verdant garden, and let the soothing aroma of the herbs please your senses.

Your eyes rest on light blue, bright fuschia, orange, violet and white blooms. Your ears hear the lulling sound of water from small fountains and rain tubes. As you walk around, there's a hammock that both kids and oldies can try. There are areas where people can sit or lie down to read a book, all framed by soft, white, flowing, curtain-like cloth.

cherry tomatoes?

A walk around the garden will reveal beautiful nooks and crannies to explore: a hut tucked away with a bench and Buddha for meditation, shaded benches with cushions to lounge about in, large containers with beautiful Balinese like flower arrangements strategically placed to entice the senses, etc. It was all so overwhelming and at the same time so calming as well.

Butter bush. Smells sweet and buttery.

The Room

On our way to the Bed and Breakfast area, we couldn't wait staying and sleeping in a non-airconditioned room with no television to agitate serenity. The rooms are designed with exquisite soft white curtain with shells which adds a romantic touch. The architecture is Filipino/Spanish with bits and pieces of things from around the world. There is a mini lanai before the room where you could relax and read some books. It has that "with the nature" feel probably because of it's transparent roof and part of the walls having only fine nets for covering (and keeping insects away). We loved our bed! It was huge with warm, crisp white linens. We just wanted to lay there and just cuddle, and kiss, and..

The shower area was very ingenious! The floor's got tiny white pebbles and a big shower head that tricks you into thinking that you're just taking a bath in the rain. Their complementary shampoo and soap is probably home made because of their natural mint smell.

Path to our cottage

Going to Sonya’s is the perfect hideaway solution if you want to spend time with your partner or friends over a nerve-wracking week or simply to smell the aroma of the flowers around or most likely to eat a hearty meal and set aside meat and fatty foods.

Walk under the trees

We stayed in the Parsley room

Tagaytay being well-known of fresh cool freezing air making the weather agreeable that one does not need an air-conditioning.

Lanai

Notwithstanding the idea of being surrounded by plants, natural repellents proliferate in the gardens thus, there are no irritating mosquitoes. Picture yourself waking up in the morning to smell the aroma and see the rich garden, just outside your window. It’s the Bed and Breakfast experience which only Sonya can provide.

Nature in the backyard

View from the lanai

The Dinner

Come dinner time, we were first served with a buffet salad, which I understand is organically grown in their garden.

We were also served freshly baked bread with different spreads like pesto and mushroom pate'. To add to the healthy appetizer we were served fresh dalandan juice. I was happy to munch the leafy greens since there was no guilt. You had the freedom to select the ingredients for your salad like pineapple, mango, melon, beans, cucumber and egg.

RT's salad. Mine was too "with everything" to be delectable in photos. :P

I just love the sit-down buffet style, you don't need to stand up to go to the food.

The much awaited pasta was served. The serving fork used for getting pasta is a novel idea. It's like a huge-toothed comb. You also get to make your own pasta with ingredients like olives, mushrooms, salmon, etc. The salmon was a letdown. It was too fried and too oily just like how daing na bangus are cooked. You also get to pick what sauce to use between sun-dried tomato and white chicken sauce. RT and I chose to use chicken sauce because it tasted great, creamy with a bit of sweetness, but was too dried when added to the pasta.

mini turon, caramelized sweet potato and chocolate cake

this is literally a sliver of chocolate cake

my favorite tarragon tea!!

We ended with a very thin slice of chocolate cake, mini turon, and caramelized kamote. The dessert is nothing to rave about. Pampatanggal lang ng umay. My favorite tarragon tea provided a very distinct touch of class. I ended with an after-meal mint that I took from my dalandan juice. I'm talking about real mint leaves here and it sure beats any chewing gum. RT on the other hand suffered from toothache so I told him to chew those left over tarragon leaves from the tea and paste it on his aching tooth. Sure enough, it worked! Yay for natural remedies!

After the dinner, off we went to our room to do some anniversary thing haha! But not without taking photos of the garden at night :)

The garden transforms into something mysteriously beautiful at night. Parang nasa fairy land ka lang.

I call that bahay ng dwende because, well, it looks like one.

Now, isn't this a scene from Avatar?

The idea for the christmas tree was great. A eucalyptus tree adorned with christmas lights.

The Breakfast

Because of the heavy dinner last night, we prepared ourselves for a hearty breakfast meal. We had a mix of European and Continental breakfast but it seemed to be more of continental dishes. RT being a light eater, I was tasked to eat more which I happily obliged!

The dining Hall. We were one of the first to have breakfast

deliciously rich hot chocolate

chicken pork adobo

sausage, too tough at salty :(

The redeeming factor of the breakfast: Creamy Mushroom Omelet

Salsa, Fried Rice, Daing na Bangus, Chicken Pork Adobo

fresh fruits for dessert

Daing na bangus

Long and short of it is that I loved it! I loved the tasteful blend of Filipino architecture. The cuisine is not that notable but I'll give them a thumbs up for coming up with an eat-all-you-can healthy set of meals. Though with a P610 price for lunch/dinner and P427 for breakfast, I wouldn't recommend going there just for the food alone. I loved the gardens and the surprise of finding a bench in some secluded area which allowed me to sit and ponder the lush vegetation. I felt very fortunate and blessed to be in such a special haven of peace and tranquility with my partner, RT. That is what's so special about this place: it allows you to slow down, be mindful of the present and count your blessings because there is nothing to distract your from what is happening at the moment.

Anniversary Special Part 2: Good Afternoon, Buon Giorno

2010-12-25T09:06:00.005+08:00

I first knew about Buon Giorno when my boss' wife treated us engineers for a dinner on her birthday last September. I instantly fell in love with the place the moment I set foot on it. The lighting, the lasdsacaped garden, trees and plants, the weather, and the serenity of the place was just so romantic. It also is perfectly situated on a cliff with a great view of the Taal Lake but since it was night time, we only saw flickering lights coming from fishing boats in the lake, adding a bit of a feel of mystery. Oh, they serve great Italian dishes too!

I made a mental note of taking RT there for a date in the future which, turned out to be the day of our anniversary celebration.

Fast forward three months and we are doing an 80 kmph on SLEX going to Tagaytay but contrary to my plan months ago, we'll be having a lunch date. It was a letdown that RT won't experience the romantic ambiance that only happens at night but I decided that it would be breathtaking for him, and for me too, to have lunch in front of a great view of the lake. Besides, we could always come back and have a dinner date there in the future, but for the time being, a lunch date is what's gonna work.

Buon Giorno is located inside Cliffhouse, a retail complex located along the Tagaytay ridge. It's is easily missed (which happened to us) since it only has a small sign and a gate covered with plants. You'll have more luck if you just look for the Yellow Cab sign, Cliffhouse is just next to it.

We dined al fresco and picked the best table with the best view of the lake from the restaurant. Well, it was a little off the restaurant's boundaries, near the viewing deck with all those noisy tourists wanting to get a pic for their Face Book profiles, which is the the only place where plants and trees won't get in our way of the lake's view.

It was sunny when we got there and with the roof covering only half the table, one of us was bound to get toasted but RT was sweet enough to volunteer to take the "sunny" side and let me sit on the covered part (*blush*). It wasn't that all hot (well, just a little) and he insisted he needed the sunlight so I didn't put up a fight there haha! It was good that the clouds came down when we were about to order otherwise I'd feel bad for letting RT roast.

RT's pick: Ripe Mango Shake, P120

They do not scrimp on their mango shake and serve it in big, tall drinking glasses which gave RT a big smile. It was definitely what his money's worth :D

My pick: Tarragon Tea, P54

My favorite tea of all! Sweet and aromatic! I call tarragon a super herb because of its various health benefits from insomnia to toothaches!

On the House: Freshly Baked Focaccia Bread

Since all dishes are only cooked when ordered, they give these out for free so we could munch on something while waiting to be served. Oh, that mixture over there that looks like instant pancit canton seasoning (as a friend calls it) is a combination of balsamic vinegar, olive oil and parmesan cheese... something that I picked from my boss' wife.

RT's pick: Prosciutto a Funghi, P265

Now, doesn't that photo look like something from a print ad? As their menu says, it's got "deep flavors of ham, mushrooms and oregano" which RT and I both agree! The serving was too much for the two of us (yes, there is a thing as too much serving for me :D) that we could only finish half the pizza. We had the other half wrapped for take out for our meryenda later but with the abundance of food on our next destination, we only had the chance, and space in our tummies, to eat it when we returned home. We were surprised it didn't get spoiled. :D

My pick: Pescatore alla Puttanesca, P308

An assortment of seafood on spicy and peppery tomato sauce. Seafood... peppery.. spicy. Now, this dish is definitely made for me! It doesn't look much on the photo but the serving was big enough for RT and I to share.

It was tough finishing our meals and getting off of our seats because with the cold winds blowing in our faces, the breathtaking view of the Taal Lake/Volcano and the serenity of the place, we could stay there the whole day and just relax and be at a peaceful state of mind.

On our way out, I grabbed some lychee flavored frozen yogurt form Fling Frozen Yougurt just to know what all the rave is all about with froyos. It turned out, it is just what it is. A frozen yogurt, which is too overpriced by the way, P85. There is another dessert shop inside Cliffhouse which a took a mental note to try next time, Fruits in Ice Cream.

Next stop, Sonya's Secret Garden!

**How to get to Cliffhouse? From the Tagaytay Rotonda, turn right and just watch for this sign along the main highway. Once you get past the Antonio's grill, Mile hi Diner, Carlos Pizza, etc., this is along the same row of restaurants before you reach the fork road of Petron Station. Remember, lookout for the Yellow Cab sign. Also, there's a 10% SC on all dishes.

Anniversary Special Part 1: Into the Clouds

2010-12-12T19:46:00.002+08:00

As our anniversary celebration, RT and I decided to make it special by spending the weekends in Tagaytay. Its weather and ambiance are great for a romantic getaway. Not to mention that it's the nearest escape from the hassles and bustles of the cities below it. We've been planning this for the past month and we already did a lot of research on places to be and restaurants to eat in. Before the went, there was a deliberation on wether to commute or take RT's car and I'm glad using public tranports was ruled out since we'll be making a lot of stops during this trip and it will be a total killjoy if we have to walk certain distances just to get to where we want to be.

With the budget and time limitations, these were our weekend itineraries:

Lunch at Buon Giorno

Dinner at Sonya's Secret Garden

Breakfast at Sonya's Secret Garden

Lunch at Bawai's Vietnamese Kusina

On This Day

2010-12-09T20:16:00.005+08:00

"Hindi pa bukas celebrate. Pag totally free ka na saka tayo tutuloy. Hehe. Basta isipin mo muna exam mo. Parang double celebration na rin after ng exam mo. :)"

Message details:
From: PEx Kapitan <+639XXXXXXXXX>
Date: 11-19-2009
Time: 8:15 pm
Type: Text message

That was his reply after I greeted him a happy birthday in advance and expressed my apology since I won't be able to make it to his celebration. It was sadly my board exam date :( but it really surprised me that he would work around my schedule just so I could be there. I felt special but I was totally oblivious to what that gesture truly meant.

For the past months we've been getting closer through constant exchange of texts and playing Grand Chase so I thought it was just that. That I have been chosen as one of the few who would be his good friends. It was an honor. I mean, what else could it be? He was a total head turner and I'm just ordinary so any romantic thoughts, I just brush off.

We continued to become closer until the day of the big confession. Every thing that we shared flashed right before my eyes. The moving of the celebration, the sharing of secrets, dreams and ideas, the unwavering attention, the constant text messages. All those times I thought those were just because of the close friendship we shared. I was wrong. It was more than that. It was a chance at love.

It took half an hour to process what his message said. Reading it carefully and over again. I might've misread a keyword that could change the meaning of the whole message. Carefully. Over again. But it was what it was. Every word, every phrase and paragraph are well thought of and unussually long for a normal SMS. The message was clear.

He likes me.

It was something that totally came out of the left field. Unexpected. Something that no one would've thought of, except him. An hour have passed and my mind was still blank. How could someone who's got a great number of admirers want someone who thinks there's no way he's ever getting a chance to be with him romantically? It was really a no brainer. He's hot and I'm not. But why was the situation draining all my brain juices in explaining what's happening? Things like those only happen in movies.... or so I thought.

Mr. Personality. He gave me that nickname and made it my e-mail's password when I temporarily gave the account to him so that I won't be tempted to stray from my review. That was it! He was not after anyone's looks. It was their personalities that draw him in and I have a great personality. Atleast great enough for him to notice me and look beyond my imperfections. It was what genuinely attracted me to him, besides being really trustworthy and caring to his friends.

Romantic possibilities rushed in. Too risky. We were having a really good friendship and romance could jeopardize it. We may even end up being bitter with each other when things don't work out. But we didn't let our fears get the best of what we could be. It was all about taking chances and how it's really just about overcoming our fears. We decided we didn't want to live our lives with what-ifs and what-could-have-beens because the truth was, no matter how it could've ended up, we'll always be glad we took it.

So one year ago, on this day we took a chance at love and decided to become a couple. It wasn't an easy ride, but what relationship isn't? I could look back, think about all the problems we encountered, the misunderstandings, the fights and say that those were worth all the love, experiences, lessons and the place that our relationship is right now.

I'm glad I took the chance.

**People spend a lifetime looking for love, wanting it, needing it, seeking it, and most of the time they don't find it.

But once in a great while, it comes to you, it throws itself in your lap, pounds on your door and says, "Here I am. Take me. I'm yours."

When it comes, how can you turn away from it? How can you say, "Not now. Maybe later?" How can you not take that chance, knowing the opportunity may never come again?**

-Danielle Steel

Anniversary Special

2010-12-09T16:21:00.000+08:00

"In the Clouds"

"Good Morning"

"Secret Garden"

"Grand Mother"

Office Hour

2010-10-12T12:20:00.005+08:00

It's raining.

I always feel secretly happy when it rains. Especially during office hours. Raining means staying in the office. And staying in the office means there's (almost)nothing to do for us engineers. 90% of our job is on site.

Yeah, sometimes the "lazy" gets the better of me. But not too lazy to write something though. Or am i just finding something to do to appear doing something? The HR has been checking up on me lately. Questioning my hanging in the office longer than my fellow engineers who are always out.
Of course being out means working... for her. But there's really not much to do out there, au contraire.
A few hours of supervision every now and then is fine. That is why there are foremen for full time supervisions.

Mostly, for the lack of something to do on site, the other engineers tend to do window painting, pastering, stuffs that workers do. But thinking about it more, they're just really making sure the company isn't wasting money on them. Being useful.

So i'm not being useful. But who can blame me? It's too hot outside. I have to walk hundreds of meters to get to site (and do roving inspections for a 5 hectare property) whereas they have their own company issued motorbikes.Ugh to seniority. They have everything. They are well respected, well recognized and well trusted.
Haha! That really sounded too ambitious (and envious) coming from a cadet engineer who's only been on the job for three months. It's not really a rant. Just some realizations. Not a judgment. Just an observation.

Surveillance cameras! I just remembered the company had some installed here in the office. Are they in operation? It'd surely feel weird. Being watched. It's.... like Big Brother! That could actually force me to go and roast myself outside. But I haven't heard anything yet. Maybe not. 'Cause the office would be well behaved then. Yes, things can get rowdy(in a good way) in here. Or are they deliberately concealing that information from us? Does the HR know? Maybe she does. She's the one in charge in making sure we do our pieces of work after all. But do the bosses know? 'Cause they kind of start the "kulitan" sometimes.
Ooohh.. an office conspiracy theory!!

How long have been I writing? 30 minutes? Does the boss notice? Thank god I'm at the left end of the row. Four tables away from him. And the CPU cleverly placed at the right side of my monitor to block their view. I should open some excel files now in case he comes near me. It's easy to quickly switch tabs. It's also good our HR's out in the main office. Aside from always being snarky at me, she does a good job surveying my work station and figuring out what i'm at.

Oh, the boss has started playing Call of Duty! Yay! It's safe to do non work related things now. See? There's really not much to do this afternoon.

October 8, 2010 3:42PM

note: this is not my work station

Do You Hate Me 'Cause I'm Pieces of You?

2010-10-10T16:06:00.014+08:00

SELLING OVER 11 MILLION COPIES!, this album explains life at the best! Definitely a moving and in depth album.

Jewel stands back and takes a look at what we are doing wrong and the positive things we can change it with. The production on this CD isn't top-notch. Many of the songs were recorded live, giving them a rougher feel than you'd expect. Having said that, I think it is that imperfectness that makes this such an enjoyable album. Some of the music made today are too glossy for its own good and most artists go all over the stage dancing and the women throwing out their private parts, then along with the autotuning of their voices it doesn't sound good and pure. I like all of Jewel's songs really. It's nice to hear music that sounds like the artist is playing right there in front of you rather than making it sound perfect in the studio.

"Pieces of You" may be one of Jewel's best. It shows her versatility and showcases her poetic songwriting and great guitar work. She's brutally honest and morose and real, and it definitely showed that she had some amazing skill.

My favorite from the album is the carrier single "Pieces of You". The lyrics are so simple ,yet if you think about it, are compelling. Its about how we judge people on how they look or what they do and how in the end they are not that different from us. We're all equal and have a piece of everyone inside of us, and it's true that when you find yourself hating on someone or disrespecting them over something, if you just stop and reflect, it turns out that the things you are angry about are the things you are hiding from yourself... things that you are or do that you wish you weren't or didn't do.

She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her?

She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick in her face?

She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.

She's an ugly girl, does she make you feel safe?

Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her

'Cause she's pieces of you?

She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?

She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?

She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?

She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?

Pretty girl, pretty girl, do you hate her

'Cause she's pieces of you?

You say he's a faggot, does it make you want to hurt him?

You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?

You say he's a faggot, does he make you sick to our stomach?

You say he's a faggot, are you afraid you're just the same?

Faggot, Faggot, do you hate him

'Cause he's pieces of you?

You say he's a Jew, does it mean that he's tight?

You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?

You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.

You say he's a Jew, as though being born were a sin.

Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him

'Cause he's pieces of you?

Don't Wanna Be a Billionaire

2010-10-05T15:58:00.002+08:00

I knew it was just a matter of time until I inherit my aunt's burdens from some relatives in the province.

I just got a call from my Uncle, his wife and Lolo asking for some "financial assistance".

Uncle asked me to help him find a job here at my current work since he just allegedly lost his job because some NPAs thrashed and burned their work transportation. I don't know what his job is but I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to get to work sooner or later. I just didn't like the way he was talking about the probability of his children stopping school like it was my responsibility. That It was my duty to help them. And even if I did want to help him, I can't. I've just barely started my job and being one of those who do the payroll, bringing in a relative is a conflict of interest.

the facts are these:

Uncle is the only guy from my grandparents' brood. He's spoiled. He's lazy. He's got half a dozen kids! He's been given a lot of job opportunities, capital for a business but it all went to nothing. And that's me not being judgmental.

Lolo on the other hand asked me some money for his meds. Yep! That's legit. Something that I can't argue about but..

the facts are these:

Although Lolo got a valid reason to ask for money, there were events when he really was just asking for Uncle-his-spoiled-only-son. It's not that I won't give him anything even though I'm suspecting that, I just don't have the capacity to help every one of them right now. And by "every one of them" I mean only him. Uncle (and any other relatives) will just have to figure things for himself and his family.

It's hard being the eldest. eldest son. eldest grand son. eldest nephew. It's hard to be the only one among the 3rd generation (from my grand parents) to actually have work. Every one just tend to look up to you. Turn to you for help. But I ain't a billionaire. And I honestly don't wanna be one if that means people around me would just slack off (of course with the exception of my mom, siblings and Lolo).

The Affair

2010-09-11T21:20:00.002+08:00

I know that Sid Lucero is making a Cinemalaya movie called "Muli" a few months back (according to his tweets, yeah, I follow him) but I never knew that it was a gay movie until it created some buzz during its stint in the event, and apparently in UP theaters afterwards. Had I known what the premise of the film was, I would've stormed the CCP on its opening! LOL!

Anyways, I read somewhere that it's getting a big screen release without cuts (yay!) via some gay friendly cinemas (Robinsons, etc?) but there's no way I'm watching it there (go figure)! I'll just wait for the DVD release.(hello, discreet gay here)

So in the mean time, here's what I've gathered around the net about "the best gay film in recent years".

disclaimer: photos (rddantes.com) , comments and reviews are not mine, credit to the owners

Muli (The Affair) is a film based on Jerry Gracio's Palanca-winning screenplay, the film chronicles the spanning love story between an underground activist/inn keeper (Lucero) and a lawyer (Domingo) in Baguio City whose complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the ultimate power of love.

"Muli" registers the resonance of being the first pilipino gay movie that genuinely delivers the remarkable positive ending on love and life!

Several accomplishments set the film apart:

A strategic, substantial and crafted cinematography that reinforces, rather than overpowers the message intent.

A refreshing slew of superb actors proficiently guided by the master of the film.

Despite the period portrayal of condemnations, tribulations and human weaknesses, the film courageously refused to fall into the trappings of unnecessary age old pilipino gay theme exploitations or succumb to the follies of doom and passe (much like the confusion and weary excesses of a joel lamangan or a mel chionglo).

For once, my ears did not bleed from score overkill (as the general case in most, if not all, pilipino movies when they insanely drag a scene).

The film manages to remain driven on the older, wiser processes of the two lead characters and their journeys towards loving, bearing, losing, hiding and hoping. These stages are darn heavy yet interestingly, the film floats effortlessly with grace and quiet discipline.

Most noteworthy is how the screenplay managed to balance an otherwise leaning towards contrite certainty. The critically significant character of a son who, during his child years had been neglected by his father, ended up as the very same soul who managed to embrace, accept and liberate his father’s desire for a secret love and earnest choice of life, once again.

Sid Lucero proved to me with this movie, that he is the best young actor working. He was beyond perfection in "Selda" and with "Muli", words can not describe how superb he was. It was like everything that he bottled up in "Selda" exploded in "Muli" and it was tugging and devastating. The longing and desperation to be with the one you love, the emotion was strongly conveyed, it stings, and pierces deep.

And the year may not be over, but for me hands down, Sid Lucero gives the best acting performance of the year. As for the movie, it is the best movie I have seen so far this year, and the year, finally started.

"Muli" stand firmly as the best gay-themed movie ever put to screen in the Philippines

The photos alone make me very much interested!

Kari-gurashi no Arietti

2010-09-07T18:22:00.002+08:00

Karigurashi no Arrietty aka Arrietty Borrows Everything in English is an adaptation of Mary Norton's fantasy classic "The Borrowers." The new feature film will be directed by studio animator Hiromasa Yonebayashi under the supervision of Ghibli maestro Hayao Miyazaki. The film hit Japanese theaters just recently (July 17, 2010) which means we probably won't get to see this until next year. :(

First published in 1952, "The Borrowers" centers on a family of little people who live by "borrowing" from normal-sized humans. However, unlike the original novel, which is set in 1950's England, Karigurashi no Arrietty will be set in Tokyo Koganei in 2010 and will tell the story of 14-year-old little Arrietty.

As always, I can't wait for every new Studio Ghibli film and I'm already excited about this one (the Japanese version with english subs and not those Disney dubbed!), even though Miyazaki's not directing it.

Ituloy Mo Lang

2010-09-05T13:02:00.002+08:00

Wow! A great song for all the gay peeps out there coming from no less than the rock band Siakol!

The lyrics have a couple of lines with gay stereotypes but, hey, I like the message.

A big one for SIAKOL!

Let's show our support and gratitude by buying their latest studio album "Tropa" (2010)

ITULOY LANG NATIN!

Pusong Mamon

2010-08-29T07:12:00.002+08:00

Hindi mahirap ang magbilad sa init araw araw,

hindi mahirap ang mag compute ng estimates,

hindi mahirap ang makipag usap sa mga masusungit at demanding na home owners at buyers,

hindi mahirap ang libutin ang 55 hectares na subdivision ng naglalakad lang...

ang mahirap sa trabaho ko ngayon ay ang kilatisin at presyohan ang mga contractor namin sa site.

Nahihirapan ako na sabihan sila na

"Talagang ganyan ang presyo nyan."

"Naka-hold ang billing nyo dahil hindi nyo natapos ang gawa."

"Wala kayong billing ngayon. Next week pa."

Mahirap sabihan ng ganun ang mga taong araw araw mong nakikita sa site na nagbabanat ng buto.

Mahirap silang tingnan sa mata habang nagmamakaawa at nagpapaliwanag ng side nila pero
wala naman akong magawa dahil may mga patakaran talaga sa kumpanya...

haizt!

>_<

Art Attack 2

2009-12-03T20:40:00.005+08:00

some random made up character in water color

rough sketches

well what do you know? I draw real people!

This one's from reader's digest.

A "Golden Dragon", character from my lost comic book >_<

pencilled

The Golden Dragon Clan, yes, they have human forms.

just playing with the colors.. supposed characters for a comic book story

Vash The Stampede (unfinished.. until now hehe)

Art Attack 1

2009-12-03T20:13:00.003+08:00

After months of hiatus, still too lazy to write something up. I'm posting some of my surviving sketches from highschool. I don't know if I've gotten better since then and I honestly think that my hands are getting rusty. Anyways, hope you guys like it. ^_^

" Hisoka" from Hunter X Hunter (got the spelling wrong LOL)

"Ginji" from GetBackers (forgot the villain's name)

MajinBoo!!!!

aaaaaw.. I miss the Ghost Fighter guys!

"Kurapika" from Hunter X Hunter (ooops! his head is too small!)

Cheri: "Tanggalin ang sumpa kay Zenki! Tatanggalin ka ng lihim na espada! SUMPA! Dakilang Vadjula, palayain mo ang alagad na si Zenki! Dakilang Vadjula, palayain mo ang alagad na si Zenki!

My version of "Diwa" (from the now defunct Culture Crash Comics' One Day Isang Diwa)

Loner

2009-10-06T18:46:00.002+08:00

Your problem isn't that you make bad choices. It is you identify the good choices and then intentionally do the opposite.

You see, in this boorish bravado of yours is a paralyzing fear of letting anyone into your life.. and it isn't because you weren't loved as a kid. It's because you're egocentric that the love
wasn't enough.

So you pull pigtails, you push the fat kids into the dirt so no one would ignore little you. And you're so invested in this neurotic, narcissistic notion of yourself as loner that you can't quit.

And you'll keep on dumping on everyone around you until eventually, and please trust me on this, there won't be anyone left..

Wonderfalls (2004)

2009-07-14T13:55:00.011+08:00

Jaye Tyler is your not-so-average girl next door. She holds a degree from Brown University, but instead decided to work at a souvenir shop at picturesque Niagara Falls. Her reason? She wanted to live an expectation-free life. She's rude to the customers, a total bitch to her lesbian sister and frowns at everything good about the world, and yet, she's the most likable character you'll ever meet. Her 'sodes started when inanimate objects started talking to her, telling her in cryptic messages to do spontaneous things without a reason. She has no choice but do as they say or they'll bug the hell out of her by singing her ears off.

One simple act will lead to a series events that at the end makes sense to her and the person she's unknowingly helped.

This show had the rare combination of great writing, acting and directing. This is evident by the great on screen chemistry. Watch just one episode and I guarantee you'll be hooked and wanting more.

I have not laughed so hard at a TV show in weeks. Especially since I didn't expect this to be a comedy.

The dialogue is hysterical. As I'm typing, I'm rewatching the pilot. Discussing Jaye's suddenly odd behavior, her sister suggests "I think we should put her down." Her brother agrees "It is just like going to sleep."

Or when she notices the bartender's cell phone is ringing in his back pocket---

Jaye: "Your ass is ringing."
Bartender: "My ass rings a lot."
Jaye: "Have you ever thought of setting it on vibrate?
Bartender: "I'm not sure I'm secure enough with my manhood to do that."
Jaye: "So, why do you have an ass if you don't answer it?"

"Wonderfalls" may be the best show you've never seen. I will never forget it. And simply hearing a description won't do it justice. It is a delightful, candy coated television treat. An authentic expression of generation-Y looking for its place in the world and not ready when it finds them. "Wonderfalls" is another triumph for the ingeniously creative Bryan Fuller (which just may be the most talented and most unlucky writer in the business today), who seems to be the only person in the world trying to put a spark in TV. I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.

the second reason why this is one of my favorite series

How Do You Cook A Live Frog?

2009-07-07T13:40:00.005+08:00

If you throw the live frog into a pan of boiling water the frog will hop right out, however, if you put the frog into a nice tepid pan of water and ever so slowly turn up the heat, the frog will cook before he realizes what has happened.

When most people enter a relationship, it does not appear to be toxic and often times it isn’t toxic. During the honeymoon period of a relationship, for the most part everyone plays nicely together, they even participate in each other’s events of life that they normally would have no interest or desire to be part of, however they do it for the other person. During this time, there is a newness of discovery, romantic love is in the air and we even tend to overlook or brush off what otherwise would be red flags that there could be problems with this becoming a long term loving, positive relationship. We tend to see and believe what we want to see about the other person and our relationship. Some people even consciously act differently, wear a mask of sorts, knowing that once they have the other person hooked they will slowly reveal their true self.

Most toxic relationships start out great, everything on the surface seems great, however as time passes, like the cooking of the live frog, the heat begins to be slowly turned up and things change from what appeared to be a mutually loving, positive relationship to a toxic relationship where over time one or both parties are choking on the daily toxicity of their relationship. Yet, people, even when they realize that they are in a toxic relationship often stay in the relationship and hang on for years.

There are many reasons people stay in a toxic relationship, one is that they are comfortable in their own misery, that is, yes the relationship is toxic, however I am used to it and I just don’t think I have the energy to get out of this relationship and start a new one. Another big reason is the person who wants out of the toxic relationship may have been beat down to the point where they feel that the toxic relationship is their fault or that they would not be desirable by anyone else.

I can tell you from experience why it’s so hard to leave a relationship that we have allowed to go toxic:

Leaving a toxic relationship means we are faced with ourselves, and nobody else to blame our unhappiness on. And we’re faced with the reality that only we can, and have to, solve our own problems. That’s a heavy burden. We got used to feeling secure that there will always be a someone that could carry it with us and sometimes, It’s a whole lot easier to dump our problems on someone else. Toxic relationships allow us to do that as long as we want. When we have toxic relationships with others, it means we have a toxic relationship with ourselves.

Comfort zones are also big factors. They tend to keep us in miserable relationships, since even though it might be miserable, we know how to deal with it and live with it. Change represents the great unknown for a lot of us. So I simply say:

That the unknown and unknowable are two different things.

Let me just say that you can love someone and still choose not to be with them. I hear many people say, “I stay because I because I love him/her”. If the relationship is toxic and therefore unhealthy and you cannot find away to remove the toxicity from the relationship, know that you can still love a person and make a decision to not be with them. Know that you always have options, that no one is truly stuck. Even in the darkest of hours, there are always alternatives.

If its your own situation that doesn’t seem to be working or enabling you to feel as you would like, then this is a step in your own self-growth. Do what feels right. Change something. It begins with your thoughts about what is acceptable for yourself. When you’re ready to evolve, you will. Other people will do so too.

For some, however, getting out of that toxic relationship is a shock to their system and often harder to deal with than the hell they left. That’s where they really need support. Because once they’re out of the boiling water, the realization of what they had put up with can become so overwhelming, they can beat themselves up a lot harder than the toxic individual who they had left used to do.

So if you know anyone who’s severed that kind of relationship and you think all’s wonderful in their world, stay close and supportive, not advice giving. Just be there and help them see their greatness so they can start to fly.

source: The Naked Soul

The Breakup Ground Rules

2009-06-07T18:19:00.004+08:00

I, Blakrabit, do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy ex-boyfriend. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior. I promise to act in a dignified fashion and that means I will not do stupid things, no matter how I might rationalize them. Therefore, I vow the following:

I will not call him. No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I'll have a friend do that, preferably via email.

I will not email him. Not even an innocent and rather funny group email forward. I will not email him simply to give him back his stuff. I will not contact him at all.

I will not frequent the places I know he goes to, even if I went there first and like it better. I acknowledge that this is not a pissing contest about territory. I know going to such places will hurt more than it will help. Until there has been some space and time between us, going to those places is asinine, can be viewed as stalker-ish and will be painful only to me.

I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy, even with my best interest at heart. That includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he'll never do better than me, or to share that I am looking fabulous, got a promotion, bought a new house and am dating George Clooney (or the regional equivalent thereof).

I will screen all of my calls. I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put "private call block" on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it's not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.

I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. The only professional guidance I will seek will be that of a licensed therapist or member of the clergy.

I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple's therapy.

I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way.

I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty (30) days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This is about me feeling better and that has nothing to do with him.

This I do affirm. So help me.

Signed: Blakrabit
Date: June 7, 2009

Last Words for an Ex

2009-05-31T18:10:00.002+08:00

Ewan ko kung dahil sa ulan to pero sobrang miss na kita... Parang kelan lang nung bumagyo at first eb natin.. brownout at daming puno sa daanan..

Sorry nga pala sa mga inasal ko recently, i guess I'm just not good in handling the situation.. Nauntog talaga ako dun, pero nung natauhan nako, too late na.

Pero I sincerely wanted to change for the better.. I know madami ako kasalanan at hindi ako showy sa feelings ko for you..

I just want you to know that despite my bad behaviour, I loved you more than anyone in my life, ikaw lang. I guess tama nga yung kasabihan na "we always hurt the pnes we love"..

Please don't get me wrong, hindi ako nagtext para pilitin kang makipagbalikan sakin. Clearly, kitang kita ko naman kung sino na ang mas matimbang sa puso mo. I just want to do my end of the bargain 'coz you've been very good to me..

Pero yung tungkol sa friendship natin, I'm afraid I can't give you that. I'm sorry if I can' be mature about it pero masakit lang talaga sobra..

I know you deserve better. Siguro tapos na yung chance at sinayang ko lang ang pagkakataon na yun, again, sorry.. Maybe it's time for someone to give it a try..

Magpapalit na nga pala ako ng number, I know it's selfish pero yun lang yung naisip kong paraan para edyo mabawasan yung sakit..

I can't wish you and your new giy a goodluck in your relationship, i know ang selfish ko no?, pero ang masasabi ko lang ay salamat sa lahat ng pagmamahal na binigay mo sakin kahit I didn't deserve most of them and I'll always remember you..

This is B, signing off out of your life
Goodbye